Life like a TV show

Metaphor

2012-01-31T00:05:00.001+08:00

Empty vessel.

Strength, hope, joy and passion has left.

Like a black and white photograph which will never show everything. Some things are hidden.

Perspective again

2012-01-27T19:55:00.001+08:00

A reminder:

There is always 2 sides of a coin.

Oh Lord

2012-01-25T09:32:00.001+08:00

Teach me to face the giants ahead. I believe its all in the mind - perspective & mindset.

For Your grace is sufficient for me.

I wonder why shit falls only on those who knows but the others get away from it. And thats when I need grace.

Help me to see a bigger picture, bigger than I am.

Fairness is not present in everywhere we go. We see partiality & biasness so we tend to judge whether is it justified or not, worth it or not, right or not. And thats when I need to enlarge my capacity and eyesight.

Help me follow You.

Its never easy.

Running a race again

2012-01-17T09:52:00.001+08:00

I felt like its only possible to sow onto a few hearts who're still nearby.

But I guess even if its only 1, its enough.

Discipler-disciple. I don't do that because I've a responsibility. Instead, a passion/burden for people.

I hope you guys grow up towards the vision that was set upon your hearts couple of years ago.

Going through hardship and challenges is tough, I know, I experienced it and am experiencing it myself. But thats how gold get refined.

And because its tough, I cant say "just get up and go through it." because there will be struggles, resistance, emotional, physical, mental barriers to overcome before we can walk again. Sometimes I'll say take your time, sometimes take a break, sometimes stop it and get going again.

All I can encourage you today is you're not alone running a race.

"For You know the thoughts that You think towards me, thoughts of good and not of evil to give us a future and a hope."

Whats for the future?

2012-01-15T12:52:00.001+08:00

Life is short. Treasure it.

We only have 1 life to live so how will you use it?

Although certain matters are due to chance and opportunity, life very much exist due to our choices and decisions.

Grace for freedom

2012-01-14T15:51:00.001+08:00

Thank God for grace.

I think I've managed to break the emotional bond. It no longer bothers me as much as in the past.

Thank God for freedom.

Frustrating trying to talk to certain people

2012-01-14T15:47:00.001+08:00

First, you show no interest or attention to what I'm saying. Too busy to finish the things on your agenda.

Second, talking to you feels like 对牛弹琴. Feels like you've no idea what I'm referring to. Or rather you do not have the same emotional feeling or understanding to the same matter.

With this, I conclude that you've forgotten how to be a good listener and communicate with people. You forgot the things, the very things that cause me to close up towards you. And I might do that again.

Lord, Jesus

2012-01-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

I take comfort in You.

You've never left.

Thank You.

Thats all I could say.

傻瓜

2012-01-08T11:08:00.001+08:00

像个傻瓜一样的期待。

傻瓜。

Ita called dignity

2012-01-01T09:34:00.001+08:00

人的尊严去哪了？

默默的哭了。

New year eve eve

2011-12-30T09:50:00.001+08:00

I feel super unprepared for the new year.

2011 has been much better than 2010 although there are also ups an downs.

Praying 2012 will be even better.

What are my goals for next year?

很难受

2011-12-29T19:07:00.002+08:00

Do I look so strong that many wouldnt think that I can be really down or reach my threshold for certain things?

你们真的太看得起我了. Many times, my appearance of strength is truly to hide whats weak inside. I hide many things too well that many may not know the true me. But I do.

I maybe laughing with joy but its just a mask to cover the real me. I only started experiencing true joy when I came to know Him.

I realise I'm not as strong as what I think I am to be. I realise I do have weak point towards certain matters.

Am I taking it too personally? Maybe like what someone says "take it easy."

Am I expecting too much of myself or I'm really not cut out for it? Someone else once told me "dont be too hard on yourself. Take things slowly."

Already I feel I cant cope with this little load. How much more can I if I want to do more?

A sudden urge to

2011-12-28T19:03:00.001+08:00

Cry.

So wrong

2011-12-22T14:29:00.001+08:00

Omg.. I can't believe it. >_<

I hope I have not caused the start of anything unpleasant. *cross fingers*

Hope there's a chance for these

2011-12-15T23:55:00.001+08:00

Listening to a radio now.

Wish I'm chilling out at a pub with a live band now. Cool breeze blowing as we sit there, sip some beer, catch up and enjoy the moment. As simple as that.

Wish I could catch some movies too. Best if I'm not alone. Superb if I'm with someone whom I can share the happiness of catching the show and burst out together in laughter at hilarious scenes.

Wish there's a chance to chill out at some atas cafe. Sit at a quiet corner, sip hot chocolate, read up the books, have small bites, look around the relax environment and just feel contented and happy. Doing it together like we are sharing the same interest.

There're many more things that I hope to have a chance to do. Will God open a door? Thats what I have always been hoping for. But I'm slowly growing weary hoping for this simple desire.

Problem

2011-12-15T23:20:00.001+08:00

Oooops. Even this?

I think I have a problem. *sigh*

Love ones

2011-12-15T19:36:00.001+08:00

Nobody would want to spend Christmas alone.

Sometimes

2011-12-13T18:21:00.001+08:00

I need a shoulder to lean on.

Someone I could count on and walk together.

Lies vs truth

2011-12-13T09:49:00.001+08:00

Indeed all things will turn out fine.

Many times, those thoughts are not true yet its a battle in the mind and a struggle with the emotions.

Now, theres a dilemma.

Life is really short

2011-12-13T09:44:00.001+08:00

A whatsapp messeage from a friend to say one of my friend who used to be my ex-member was admitted into hospital and had an emergency operation.

There's a sudden worry and urge to want to fly over to give her a hug and find out if she's really ok. It made me miss her so much.

No idea why but I almost teared by the fact that theres a possibility I'll lose a dear one anytime. Life is short.

I realise there're many who became dear to me whom I need to treasure a little more. Let there be no regrets.

Bad police

2011-12-12T19:13:00.001+08:00

By the way, my family and I met a group of bad police when we went in Malaysia last Saturday.

BAD POLICE.

Thank God I wasn't driving if not I'll freak out like crazy. x_x

Christmas

2011-12-11T17:39:00.001+08:00

Its a season of giving. Love and sincerity shown through giving.

Its a season when we will set aside time to spend it with our love ones.

And this is why I luv December. *smile*

Gift

2011-12-11T14:17:00.001+08:00

Finally got a break, get out of Singapore and was given a shopping frenzy yeaterday.

Finally got a big happy laugh with my family.

Now I need to learn to be content and keep walking on this journey. Its tough because of the obstacles, trainings and tests but there are also rewards.

Look at the bright side friend. God is always good. *smile*

难道

2011-12-10T08:34:00.001+08:00

不要说你不知道难道你没感觉到 - 王力宏

Not gonna do it the third time

2011-12-08T19:01:00.001+08:00

Ooops. Screwed it up again. Din mean it though.

Its really time to let go. Can't hold onto it and think that its gonna happen my way. Even if it is, He will open a way / an opportunity.

Currently, there definitely is no open doors.

Out of my mind

2011-12-08T09:29:00.001+08:00

I needa get out of here soon.

Can't afford to spend my time & energy going through all these thoughts. It's draining life out of me.

Help me.

You know the thoughts that You think towards me to give me a future and a hope.

Feeling thinking

2011-12-08T00:37:00.001+08:00

Arghh! Get me out of here.

Challenging

2011-12-07T09:46:00.001+08:00

Last week, I was challenged to go for cell group and lead worship again. I was tired and exhausted. But God is always faithful to show up when we take the first step or more. I just let everything down and let God do what He wants to do, I simply follow.

We always want things to happen our way but God says He has His own timetable. We ask "Why hasn't it happen?" "Will it happen?" His ways are high than our ways, His thoughts higher than ours. We need to take a step to trust Him and place our trust, our confidence and our hopes in Him.

We think that its unfair but God went through it even before we started ours. He understands how it feels and how unfair it can be. But out of love for us, He chose to go. We always want things to happen our way but God says He has His own timetable. His are higher than ours.

Who will truly know

2011-12-07T09:41:00.001+08:00

The heart of men.

God knows.

Word of season

2011-12-05T09:19:00.001+08:00

God spoke before and during cell group meeting 2 weeks ago and I just want to write it down.

Before cell group, I was really challenged to attend and lead worship. God reminded me about the important element about worship. It is a human nature to want to look good in front of others but God looks at the heart. God cares nothing else but us. Sometimes, we are so distracted with the wxcellence of serving (like Martha) that we fail to be like Mary. Worship is just between you an God, nothing should come in between. Strip yourself from everything and come before Him true and open.

Worship leader was meant to be someone else who chose the song "Jesus be the center" and "Taken" so I was suppose to lead using these 2 songs. But I dont feel confident about the first and was contemplating to use another song but have no idea what. Until I surfed YouTube and came to this song "You alone" led by Allison during service. We wonder why we had togo through so much.

One reason. Its for God's glory.

I'm feeling

2011-12-03T23:12:00.001+08:00

Exhausted.

A thousad years

2011-11-30T22:51:00.001+08:00

A thousand years by Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How do be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Bloody job scope

2011-11-26T08:53:00.001+08:00

I have to write it out to let it go. Breaking down at this moment.

I feel like a ball being pushed around wherever there is a gap. I feel like an idiot who can only accept it because others cannot take no as an answer.

So who am I? What am I doing? What is my role? What is my priority? Where does these lead me to? Where am I suppose to go? Whats my direction? How am I going to learn?

I'm so lost and frustrated with myself because I cant figure these out. And I dont like being push around.

So what am I now? A sales coordinator? Cum marketing? Cum business development? These are all just names. I'm doing everything. And will only be doing more. And I'm upset because I'm different. Others are sure and fixed in their position but I'm being pushed around and I really dont like it. Because my position changes according to the wind direction, its never fixed.

So how now? Take it quietly, allow to be pushed around, try not to be bitter by changing my mindset & perspective, just do what I can and know a little bit in everything? Or voice out, bang the wall, still be pushed but a least they know what you think? I hell know what to do.

But am I too self-centered to think this way? Is it wrong? I'm so confused and have no idea what I should do.

Job confirmation

2011-11-20T18:02:00.001+08:00

Oh! I realised that I did not share that I had an early confirmation for my job. With that confirmation, I had an increment for my salary.

I was pretty lost as to what role I should play for my job. Along with that, I felt that I do not have the knowledge for many areas which I am in-charge of. Things like social media, websites, SEO, business development are portions of my role which I feel unempowered for.

I am lost with no idea where to start learning.

I started to list everything I was doing together with what I know to see how far off I was. Then I started to list where I want to go and what I want to achieve for each area to see what I need to know and do to close up the gap.

I realised there is so many more things to learn, so much potential to be realised for my role.

Still haven't met you

2011-11-17T22:50:00.001+08:00

I thought there is someone but the timing was not right. Totally not right.

"I just haven't met you yet."

But I take comfort in Him who knows and holds my future.

A simple word says "you meet all the wrong ones so that when the right one appears you will know right away."

Driving license

2011-11-17T22:44:00.001+08:00

I started my first driving lesson on 11 July 2011 and got my license on 15 Nov 2011. I took 4 months and 4 days to get that 18 points. I took about 19 lessons and spent slightly lesser than $1500 to obtain that license.

Many asked if I was happy. I think I should be but I have yet to overcome the major nervousness I had. Besides, the photo which I used for the license is extremely "beautiful". So should it ate part of the happiness that I ought to have. HAHA!!

Thank God for favor. The moment we reached the second floor of the driving center, the tester asked me to press the 3rd button for a queue no. Ithought to myself "so what does this means."

The heading on the 3rd button reads "New driver license."

Another colleague commented and said that testers usually will not ask the student to press for queue no. before going through the results. And I was lucky.

But I don't believe in luck. I believe in the One. Thank God.

Breakthrough

2011-11-08T09:22:00.001+08:00

I have got to bash through this barrier because I know there is so much potential to be discovered and so many things to learn.

But first, I have got to breakthrough this mental and emotional threshold.

Is everything happening too quickly that I gotthis feeling like I can't catch up? Why do I feel like I'm lagging behind, slower than the rest? Is it that my expectation for myself too high that I can't keep up?

I'm not sure if I'm doing more today than yesterday or this year compared to last year or this new shift as to the old.

But I know I really need to breakthrough this stage.

Lift your head up an keep walking. *smile*

Can someone please tell me

2011-11-04T08:19:00.001+08:00

What exactly am I thinking right now?

What am I feeling?

Why do I feel so restless? Aimless? And seem to have lost that drive for a direction.

What is going on?

A dialogue

2011-10-28T23:58:00.001+08:00

I think I'm not up to it but You say I can.

I think I'm not good enough to do what I am doing and will eventually do but You said I will make it.

I think You have chosen the wrong person because I don't think I fit the criteria of that person but You said

"I have chosen you even before you were born, even before you know about Me, much much even before you made any mistakes and think that you don't qualify or has the capability to take on the 'job'. I have chosen you and called you by name. And I believe You can make it because I am never wrong."

With that, I wept.

And I said "But i seriously have no idea how." And He said "Thats why I sent your best Friend to help you all these times. The Holy Spirit will guide you and teach you the things you need to know. So what's your decision."

"Here I am, send me."

Little girl grows up

2011-10-28T23:44:00.001+08:00

I saw that little girl who once dances before the Father.

But the girl will not remain young forever, she grows older and older each day to a youth and eventually an adult.

And I knew what He meant instantly. I have moved on and grown out of the stage as a little girl.

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." - 1 Cor 13:11

I need to get out of the mindset of a little girl. I need to learn and understand the mature things. I need to dig deeper and have greater capacity for the deep things. I need to grow to the next level. I need to behave as such.

I want

2011-10-18T08:51:00.001+08:00

I do not want to survive but I want to succeed here.

I do not just want to maintain but I want to grow.

Servanthood

2011-10-11T09:16:00.001+08:00

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." - Mark 10:45

Only believe

2011-10-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

'While He was still speaking, some came from the ruler of the synagogue's house who said, "Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the Teacher any further?"

As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, He said to the ruler of the synagogue, "Do not be afraid; only believe."' - Mark 5:35-36

Many will tell you the reality that surrounds you, they will remind you about the obvious, what you see right now. But Jesus says "Do not be afraid; only believe."

What are your dreams which seems too far away to begin with? What are the situations that you need a miracle to happen?

"Do not be afraid; only believe."

Know the deep things of God

2011-10-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

I was doing my quiet time and God revealed a few things to me.

First I had to repair the altar of sacrifice, the altar of worship. I needed to go back and find the secret place where I always go and find Him there all the time. It is a place where I will see Him face to face and fellowship together. It is a place where we exchange our thoughts, where I start to know His character and the deep things of God. It is a place of rest, where I know my soul will be satisfied and recharged. It is a secret place where I find through worship and prayer.

As I worship, the Holy Spirit revealed to me Jesus has passed me by many times but did not stop to fellowship with me. The second thing which I need to restore is our fellowship. This time, when Jesus passes by, I do not want to miss it.

Then, the Holy Spirit started to give me the overview that many things seem to start crumbling when I removed my braces on Tuesday. There seem to be an attack after that, a start of a warfare which I sense since Wednesday. Somehow I felt that it is the start of the next level to bring me closer to the vision that was set in my heart. I don’t really know what is laid for the future but what I do need is to know the heart of God. Somehow I know that I had to do what is required to stay close to Him and be sensitive to His voice so that nothing will be impossible for me.

"Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith like a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." - Matthew 17:19-21

And with that, this verse came across.
‘But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him." But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.’ – 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Nothing seems smooth

2011-10-09T14:22:00.001+08:00

The thought I'm having now is what have I done that everything seems to go haywire.

Nothing seems to be going smooth for me. Like what my friend said recently, everything seems to be crumbling down together. Hard pressed on every side.

As much as I would want to think it as a test, I'm also wondering if I can make it through.

As much as I would want to be strong and carry on, I really want to breakdown and take a break.

"The Spirit is indeed willing but the flesh is weak."

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed-" - 2 Cor 4:8-9

Kingdom of Heaven

2011-10-07T09:32:00.001+08:00

Through Matthew, you understands how the kingdom of Heaven functions.

What are its principles and values, what are the fruits and characters which it permits, what are the mindsets, what are the boundaries which we ought not to over step - the boundaries between lawlessness and religiousity, what are the good which we should do that Would please God.

There are so many that I can't list them down now.

Jesus said the greatest and first commandment is to love God with all our heart, mind and soul. The second is to love our neighbours as ourselves.

And another thing is He expects us to grow in everything.

Reality

2011-10-06T13:25:00.001+08:00

Reality of the world.

People don't remember what you have done right but they remember what you have done wrong.

People don't remember what you done but they remember what you have not done.

Prayer & fasting

2011-10-06T09:44:00.001+08:00

'Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, "Why could we not cast it out?"

So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith like a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

"However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." - Matthew 17:19-21

We used to think that as long as we believe everything is possible. But we did not read the next verse that for anything to be possible, it comes through prayer and fasting.

'Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God.'

Test of faith

2011-10-06T09:38:00.001+08:00

My life now is like what the bible says in Matthew 14:28-32.

'And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."

So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.

But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying "Lord, save me!"

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.'

To me, the boat signifies my comfort zone where everything is safe and expected. Walking on water signifies the journey of the vision given, walking with Jesus. The wind which was boisterous signifies the situations in life that can seem serious and big.

Yesterday, as I was praying, the Holy Spirit reminded me about what I used to tell my members. Who/what is bigger? God or your situation? If God is bigger, then why do you worry about your situation as God is always in control? If situation is bigger, then why worship and call Him God?

Faith on His character, power & ability.

My reward

2011-10-02T22:34:00.003+08:00

I was looking for balance and the boundary between the world and the kingdom of Heaven. I was looking for the thin line as to keep holiness while being relevant to the world.

Like what Jesus implies: we are in the world but not of the world.

There are many principles to be refined while walking the journey towards a successful career.

Jesus mentioned 3 times in Matthew 6 "...hypocrites...that they may be seen by men...your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly."

It is this lingering thought whether work done is seen by people. While I think that people sees what others are doing and permits it, I wondered if it goes the same for me. I wondered if people know what others are doing.

Today, God says it doesn't matter whether people see or not, because what matters is God sees and blesses what you are doing. When He sees and approves what you are doing, He will never short change you. He will reward you openly.

Grace is sufficient

2011-10-02T18:57:00.001+08:00

"My grace is sufficient for you..."

Please God

2011-10-02T18:36:00.003+08:00

When much is given, much is expected.

The DNA which I got from my spiritual family is a distinct trait which I think is an important trait to be successful in life. The mindset, values and principles, the expectation, the excellence of work, the way things are done etc are very much influenced by this DNA that we have. As much as this is concern, there is quite an expectation placed on us.

One thing which I realised Singaporeans to have, even myself; we tend to sit back, complain that things are not working as its supposed to be and wait for a solution to drop from Heaven. Conscious of this very fact, I try to offer solutions rather than being the problem. I try to be prepared, think further and initiate rather than to wait till something happens to think about how to solve it. I try to look far, plan further and foresee the future rather than looking at the past or the present. I try to go an extra mile and complete everything nicely rather than do what is instructed.

With that, there are much expectations placed on us to do it well. Once in a while, I had to remind myself and those around that I am not a god but I will just do what I can. Sometimes, being human, I started comparing myself with the rest and wondered why am I doing so much more.

Is it worth it?

"Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God;" - 1 Thessalonians 4:1

Truth, lies, people

2011-10-02T18:25:00.002+08:00

It has been some time since I updated my blog. I guess there were many things on my mind so it was difficult to focus and write it down.

Yesterday, as I was going home from Marina Square, I thought to myself about truth, lies and people. It is always so difficult to keep a lie because it can never be consistent. Unlike lies, truth will never change.

I thought about the people whom I find some contradictions in their values towards work. What I could figure out the reason behind the contradictions is because it is not the true values which they practice. People say it out loud not because they really have such values. Instead it is more like agreeing with the social norms to keep up a certain image and maintain the impression others have on them.

I asked a question "what for?". Lies can never last. They will be busted one day and people will find out. Lies can be tiring to keep because it is never consistent. All of us have different answers to that question and I think we are all aware of it. Yet, people still practice it.

Difference?

2011-09-22T10:01:00.001+08:00

It is a thin line between excuses and reasons.

Rejoice!

2011-09-11T23:58:00.001+08:00

I was pretty upset and angry with myself that I didn't pass my driving. Totally disappointed with myself.

Stress from work as well as friendship coupled with the failure has caused my emotions to be rather unstable. I started to have self-doubt; wondered if it all happened because I'm not good enough or I never deserved the best.

I knew many other things will be affected when your emotions are not stable and my mind is not strong. I had to depend on His strength but I simple do not know how.

Before I reached office the next day (Friday), I knew I had to sort it out before I meet anyone (colleagues). The Holy Spirit reminded me "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!"

Praise will lift up your spirit and stir up faith in you. Praise will cause the joy of the Lord to strengthen you. Praise will break the spirit of oppression and open doors to your miracle. Praise will give you a reason not to lose hope. Praise will will turn a break-down moment into a break-through opportunity.

Even at your downest moment, trust Him that the thoughts that He thinks toward you are thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you a future and a hope; and praise Him.

Just when you thought

2011-09-11T13:01:00.001+08:00

Just when you thought He has forgotten about you, He showed up and told you "I will supply all your needs above and beyond what you can think or imagine."

Immediately you knew that He has never leave you nor forsake you.

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Remember what you have decided

2011-09-11T12:57:00.001+08:00

Still remember what attitude you had when you set out on this journey?

Where God leads or instructs, I will go.

"For Your ways are higher than my ways, Your thoughts higher than my thoughts."

So why are you whinning when things don't go your way? You have already decided that it is all about Him at the start of the race. It is about where He wants you to go rather than where you want to go.

"Trust & obey" you said, decided and committed.

God is in control.

What's my problem

2011-09-04T11:39:00.001+08:00

What's my problem?

I don't know. Maybe I'm starting to feel the burden placed on my shoulder is getting heavier. So I'm not prepared and ready to take more.

Especially unnecessary ones. Not until I have sort those that I have.

Selfish? Self-centered? Yes, I am. To ask for some time. Or maybe even space.

Chance vs perspective vs actions

2011-09-03T14:00:00.001+08:00

My friend ever shared that her friend got into a relationship with this guy because she was afraid that she can't get married.

Is it fear which causes a such perspective or lack of knowledge (in a way) that causes fear which results in this decision making process?

I'm seriously not so keen to know psychological aspect of it because its too profound to understand.

But I'm curious about life. Does people choose to live this way merely by their choice of certain perspective or chance in life (plan of God). How much of it exists because you fought for it through actions, how much is due to chance and how much is because of your choice of perspective?

So does it mean that no matter how you frame your perspective sometimes it still depends on chance?

Chance vs perspective vs action.

So confusing. Can we keep it simple?

委屈

2011-09-03T13:48:00.001+08:00

"你会觉得很生气可是你哭也是因为觉得很委屈你自己"

Pretty true.

I wonder what is my capacity. And maybe this is my threshold.

Just before the rubber band snaps, stretchability is added. Just before stretchability is added, the rubber band has to be stretched to its maximum capacity.

Each has their own 'maximum'.

Glory to glory

2011-09-01T18:39:00.001+08:00

I find God pretty amazing.

The opportunity to serve is often given when I'm spiritually challenged. At this period, commitment is a test.

But I guess this is how we go from glory to glory, strength to strength.

I'm that kid

2011-08-30T19:05:00.001+08:00

I'm like a little girl.

Although there has been some life lessons which I have learnt, there are so much more to pick up.

Sometimes I choose to be like a little girl who chooses to be stubborn and wants things her own way. Sometimes when those things are not given according to my expectation, I start to feel upset and whine.

I thought I could twist the arms of the Provider. Or at least let Him know that I don't like it.

I was like a kid who chooses not to grow up.

Trust & confidence in the things unseen

2011-08-27T20:06:00.001+08:00

Your eyes is on the sparrow. And Your hands it comforts me.

Allison sang "Jesus be the center of my life."

I immediately remember that time when I played that song as I felt discouraged at work. I remember I was doing some production work, work which most wouldn't want to do, when I played that song.

Seriously, it can be draining at times when you kept staying at the backstage, being faithful in what you are doing, yet do not see any breakthrough. You wondered if people see and will recognise what you are doing. I'm not looking for recognition but more like whether you doing things in vain.

As we sang the song, I was assured that He saw everything that I was doing. Nothing is done in vain an God recognises all my efforts, commitments, sacrifices and faithfulness. I wept the moment I know God knew and he is telling me that He knows.

"All things work together for good for those who trust in God."

"Trust" was challenged when I couldn't see the things that lies ahead clearly. And there are prayers that are left unanswered at the moment.

Today I wrote "I trust You. My hope and confidence are in You."

God sees

2011-08-26T09:55:00.001+08:00

Work. A place where one might put himself above others to benefit himself at the expense of others.

Sometimes you are crying out in desperation and wondered if people do know the efforts and time you put into your work. You wonder if people understand the workload you are handling.

When you compared, you felt like you are taking much more than the rest. When you compared, you felt like this world is never fair.

You wondered "Who will know and see?!"

God knows and sees. And He was there.

His principles will always be true.

"He who sow sparingly will reap sparingly. But he who sow bountifully will reap bountifully."

"He who humbles himself will be highly exalted. But he who exalts himseld will be put down."

This world is never fair. But God is. Your rewards may not come in the manner of cash, it may come as intangible things that money can never buy.

But I'm still human, trying to keep the positive attitude.

Jesus be the center of my life

2011-08-25T18:16:00.001+08:00

I realize discourgements can seep in subtly.

I wondered why I was pretty down at the beginning of this week. I wondered why I lost the joy of the Lord. I wondered why I felt so lethargic and tired.

Discouragements.

I wa discouraged that I couldn't seem to figure out the driving circuit stations. I was discouraged that the thing which I hope and prayed for never seem to happen. I was discouraged at work. I was discouraged that I did not see a reward which I have hoped for which I thought would satisfy my heart.

Mom said "Don't let situations overcome you. But overcome the situations."

I encouraged myself by speaking the promises of God.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"Do not grow weary in well doing. In due season you will see the harvest."

"For it is not by might, nor by power but by the Spirit."

"The joy of the Lord is my strength."

It has never been my intention to depend on my own limited strength. Yesterday as I prayed about my situation, He reminded me that it is only the beginning of the race and already I feel challenged.

Jesus be the center of my life.

Don't lose your talents

2011-08-25T09:44:00.001+08:00

The story about the Lord who gave 1, 2 and 5 talents to 3 servants (Matthew 25) kept coming up through my mind.

I recalled asking a friend if I will lose the anointing of God if I step down. Her answer was a definite yes.

The most anointed area when I was leading was my worship. To me, I did not experience the anointing of God just to lose it due to circumstances. I wanted very much to keep it.

But the principles of God applies. He takes away what you do not use.

I hope to use everything that God has placed in me throughout the journey. He will multiply it from glory to glory, strength to strength.

With this, I went for choir audition.

I pray doors of opportunities will open.

It is

2011-08-22T11:03:00.001+08:00

For Your glory.

Amazing strength

2011-08-16T08:33:00.001+08:00

"I would'nt have changed what happened to me. Because then I would'nt have this chance in front of all of you. This chance to embrace more people then I ever could have with have two hands." - Bethany Hamilton

Fun fun

2011-08-11T11:36:00.001+08:00

Too little time, not enough drive to do many things in life.

BUT have fun in life!!!

Don't take life toooooooo seriously.

Don't give up

2011-08-11T09:23:00.001+08:00

"Always look on the bright side of life!" *whistles*

Just when life wants to knock you down, you stood up on both your feet and kept walking.

Just when life says you can't make it, you stood there saying "All the more I should make it."

Just when life situations seem too big for you, you stood there and look up.

Just when others thought you can't, deep in you you knew you can't yet you said "Not by might nor by power but by the Spirit."

Just when life seems unfair, you chose not to submit to that and compared yourself to your best capability rather than others.

Give a pat on your shoulder and say "Thanks for coming thus far. Let's continue walking."

No one can kill the spirit of an overcomer except yourself. Don't give up! *smile*

Achievements

2011-08-09T12:17:00.002+08:00

What else is there to achieve?

Driving. I love December. Career. Ministry. Holiday.

But first of all,

"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers." - 3 John 1:2

"For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Matthew 16:26

Breathe

2011-08-09T12:15:00.002+08:00

Ups and downs in life.

Even without battles and obstacles in life, one will feel tired after walking for some time. Thats when you need to find rest, recuperate from the heat and harsh conditions during the journey.

People don't expect you to be high all the time, there will be a low sometimes.

Taking a step back to breathe.

What's going to happen

2011-08-09T12:14:00.001+08:00

Could you feed me with a little bit of information about what's going to happen?

I need a vision, a purpose, a meaning to this.

Burden lifted

2011-08-01T10:07:00.001+08:00

I'm glad I asked. It is a load off me and I feel better that I need not cling onto it.

I can put my focus elsewhere.

Warfare

2011-07-30T13:42:00.001+08:00

I spoke to my boss partner and discussed about entrepreneurship and came to a conclusion that it is easy to start a business but sustainability is the challenge. We need the capital and guts to take the first step but we need endurance, creativity and perseverance to sustain the business.

How many can actually sustain? You see many disappearing after a year or so; only a few survived.

I think you can see that in our journey with God. It is easy to say "God, I'll walk with You, I'll always choose to walk with You" etc. It is a challenge to take the first step because it requires faith, trust and getting out of your comfort zone.

It is toughest to sustain your journey with God and eventually finish the race. You will meet with various obstacles, doubts, challenges, test and trials as you go along the way. And thats when you need to remind yourself why you took the first step in the first place.

Hold on and keep walking. Warfare alongside with the Holy Spirit, He is your helper, your guide.

Put on the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, belt of truth, shoe of peace, shield of faith and the sword of the Spirit.

Fight a good fight and finish the race. You will realise that it is all worth it to go through as you overcome time and time again.

Guilt?

2011-07-28T18:55:00.001+08:00

There is a sudden sense of guilt.

Why?

Whats Your will?

2011-07-26T20:22:00.001+08:00

Doing the unthinkable, the unusual, the crazy stuff.

Show me Your way.

Somethings are

2011-07-25T23:29:00.001+08:00

Something is amiss.

Something is lacking.

Something is missing.

Satisfaction

2011-07-24T12:55:00.001+08:00

I was a little lost, I had no direction or understanding as to where I should head to in terms of my career.

I spoke to my boss and asked a simple question: what kept you going on even when the beginning is tough?

He shared a few reasons. Retirement plans and workplace politics in big companies. The last reason kept me thinking.

Setting up a company gives him space and flexibility to explore new business ideas and do what he wants to do. Most importantly, he feels a sense of achievement, satisfaction and fufillment whenever he sees his work around. People taking the bag that his company has manufactured, the signages in shops that his company did, the t-shirts, corporate gifts that he did for the clients.

Everyone has different ways to have this sense of achievements, satisfaction and fulfillment in life.

What's mine?

Honored

2011-07-24T12:41:00.001+08:00

I'm so blessed and honored to be a vessel for You.

Thank You for using me all these while and building me up again.

Same sentiments

2011-07-22T01:22:00.001+08:00

I would sing this song... I'll try...

TRY by Asher Book

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
while you're running away to chase your dream
Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
and maybe im not ready

but I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
we’ve been hiding enough

if I sing you a song would you sing along
or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull
if I give you my heart would you just play the part
or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful
am I catching up to you
while you're running away , to chase your dreams
its time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
and maybe im not ready

But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
we’ve been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x Huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me

Joy

2011-07-21T18:37:00.001+08:00

It is a joy to chat with you..

Jar Of Hearts by Christina Perri

2011-07-20T17:39:00.001+08:00

Jar Of Hearts by Christina Perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Camp camp camp

2011-07-19T21:17:00.001+08:00

Okok.. I get it.. You were in camp! That explains the total silence.

But it doesn't mean anything; still it doesn't.

Wavering

2011-07-19T21:15:00.001+08:00

I realize there is still hope. The hope that does not disappoint still exist for that particular thing.

Along with that hope, a question is still unanswered. Are the efforts of hoping that it would come to past a vain one? And have I been hoping for the wrong thing?

But there is a journey to fulfil. I can doubt all I want until it happens. When it happens I will think back and conclude that the doubts I had are unnecessary because God is always faithful. Time is always the factor. This is a cycle whenever the thing which we hope for has yet to exist or come true.

Now I could only keep on holding on, believing and knowing that He would be faithful to make it happen.

S A C R I F I C E

2011-07-18T18:55:00.001+08:00

"Sacrifice" is easy to spell but the "act of sacrifice" is easier said than done.

I know opportunities and promotions come through situations. I need Your grace, your supernatural power to go through this.

"My flesh is weak but my Spirit is willing."

The Holy Spirit is always standing by. Whenever you call for help, He will stretch out His hands to lead yours. Have this revelation that He is always at your right hand ready to help.

And I feel like I'm learning the hands on experience of sacrifice as I walk the walk; learning as I go His way.

He will never give you something You cannot bear. Its just a matter whether you choose to yield and abide.

"My flesh is weak but my Spirit is willing."

Weaknesses of mankind

2011-07-18T18:54:00.001+08:00

My friend ever commented that man (XY chromosomes) are selfish people. I corrected her and said "all man are selfish."

Everyone is ever ready to think about themselves, "me" "I" "myself" as a priority. That is human.

But it takes effort and great strength to go against it to care for others and put yourself a second priority.

Personally I know I do have such weakness of being self-centered especially when I'm the youngest in the family as well as the only girl. It takes a conscientious effort not to be one.

Everyone places their interest first. But I pray that through His grace I can be different.

The God who never fails

2011-07-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

I was reminded once again that You knew my desires, my heart desires.

You know what I need, what I am looking for, what I seek after.

You know me.

You are never alone

2011-07-15T18:38:00.001+08:00

When I started blogging in September 2008, it just had a simple purpose - memory. I knew my brain could only remember so much and forget the rest which are just as important.

Nevertheless, I blog to create a place where I could pour out all my thoughts just like any other individuals. I do have times when its good and bad, happy and sad, motivated and discouraged, edified and disappointed, doing well and not doing well. There are times when I struggle mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Basically, I wanted to show every side of me especially the human side of me, the reality of the world and truth.

But as I grew older in terms of age and mature spiritually, the purpose of blogging changed. It is to write out my thoughts so that I could consider and think about things more carefully as well as record what happened and what was said.

Every post contains the thoughts which I reflect upon and think through.

A friend text me to say that he was encouraged just by reading my blog. I am glad that what I wrote could edify another. But I am even more glad to be a vessel that He could use. For it is not by might nor by power but by the Spirit of God.

I will keep on writing to record my thoughts, consider them and remember them as well as encourage those whobare reading.

You are never alone neither will you ever be the only one going through what you are going through.

Humble to know You more

2011-07-14T14:01:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my 2nd driving lesson and I was reminded about a thing.

Complacency will never give you reaons to learn because you think you already know enough. Humility is still the best because it tells you how much you know and how much more you do not.

When I meet with my challenge every morning, my flesh still wins. I reflected on my relationship with people and God today.

I realize that it is a common thing that people become complacent with one another when they know each oyher well enough. And we sub-consciously apply it to our relationship with God and be complacent. Thinking that we know enough, we do not know much at all.

As I walked to office, I realize there is so much more about God that I do not know. And I know the promise of a Friend has never been void. It was my part to play which I did not play well while my Friend has always been faithful.

Humility is what I desire because I want to know so much more about You. And I want to walk right beside You, knowing Your heartbeat.

Walk beside me

2011-07-14T14:00:00.001+08:00

You said You will never leave me nor forsake me.

You said You will take my hand and walk right beside me, hand in hand.

Lord, I know that in order to walk closer to You, I will need to take Your hand. I know in order to be Your witness, I need to be a partaker of Your holiness. I know in order to be a partaker of Your holiness, I need to surrender my flesh and be conformed to Your image.

Lord, I give You all my mindsets, thoughts, perspectives, value systems and desires to You in exchange with a closer relationship with You, in exchange for Your promise to be fulfilled all the time that You will walk right beside me.

My first driving lesson

2011-07-11T21:43:00.001+08:00

First lesson is really fun and I was actually never nervous because I knew Mr Chua is standing by the brakes! Hahahaha!

He simply went through the important controls and we switched places.

(When stationary) First thing I did was to learn how to change gear and get use to the placement of each gear. Second, I learn how to use the clutch, break and accelerator followed by the handbrake. Then I learn the process of how to move forward and that's it.

Off I go to drive on the road! WHEeeeee~~

I learn how to feel the biting point, move forward and turn! Like seriously, I don't know if I'm normal. I really have a little difficulty turning, THE STEERING WHEEL. I don't have much problem starting the car, speed up, slow down and stop but I have problem turning. Hahahaha!!! I think usually the difficult part is those that I don't have much problem with.

AND I have problem multi-tasking! I literally heck about the road conditions and simply obeyed what Mr Chua said as well as concentrating on how to operate the car. Please don't be mad at me because my brain is no longer working during the last part of the lesson. Muahahahahaha!!! I can't absorb or remember what he said.

I think 1 thing about driving is feeling the car and be smooth with the whole process. And another would be to know that its alright to be slower, just don't freak out or be anxious. Be sure to take your time to carry out the whole process and you'll be alright.

I quite enjoy driving. It reminds me of rowing the bullet K1 so this shouldn't be a problem! Oh! And Mr Chua said that I can get my license by early September (if everything is smooth - pass)!! Yay! Rejoicing! I AM LOOKING FORWARD! *cheers!*

Choose priorities wisely

2011-07-10T12:13:00.001+08:00

Matthew 16:26
For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

What is a stagnant Christian walk with God? It is trying to walk closer to your vision using the stale revelations which you got many years ago.

What is the point of wanting to do something for God when your Spirit is not fed with the presence of God and the fresh manna from Heaven?

Matthew 4:4
But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’”

Jesus made it clear that our priority is first our relationship with God then our relationship with man through serving an ministering.

As much as we have our own desires to fulfil or lookout, we got to set our priorities right to walk the narrow way. The narrow way is specific and you need every spiritual disciplines to stay on course. Don't steer away and lose your eternal calling.

What is, what is

2011-07-10T12:10:00.001+08:00

What is right, what is wrong?

What is wise, what is foolishness?

What is not guilty, what is guilty?

What is righteous, what is unrighteous?

What seems right to one may seem otherwise to another.

I pray every decision that I make is a decision that the Holy Spirit directs. Let no decision or mindset I make be based on my own understanding, vision and experience. This is because I realize it limits the vision of God in my life.

At the end of the day, I choose to walk the narrow way because it will lead me closer to my bestest Friend. I hope I will always choose love because God is love.

Perspective

2011-07-09T10:58:00.002+08:00

I wanted to blog about this but typing on the keypad is always different from the keyboard.

I just wonder how does perspective comes about? When you are thinking, feeling and seeing the negative, what makes you change and start to be positive? Is it merely due to choice?

When you are sinking into a dark hole, what makes you realise, create a need to change and climb out of the dark hole? What gives you another option to choose when you are in that situation?

I think perception has very much got to do with knowledge. Knowledge to tell you that you don't have to be like this; you can think, feel and see otherwise. Knowledge of what each options will bring you and the outcome of each.

For example, someone has let you down, disappointed you by not fulfilling his promise to you. The normal reaction to this situation is to become angry, upset and hurt as a trust is broken. These reactions will soon spiral down into something deep like bitterness and hatred. If you have knowledge, you will understand clearly where these will lead you. Bitterness and hatred will soon have such big impact in your life that you change into a negative and ultra-sensitive person. If you have knowledge of another option of forgiveness and understand where it will lead you. You can weight the pros and cons and make a decision. You will learn that forgiveness will bring you more pros and cons although it may seem like justice has not take place. But more than these rationalism, if you know who God is, you will understand that there is really no point pursuing the matter on your own because you will never be alone. These will result to a different choice made and a changed perspective and a different outcome.

I also believe that with the knowledge and experience of God's character, it brings you a very different perspective towards people, life and situations. And that is why God also mentioned that we should renew our mind day by day and guard our hearts. Don't let daily life influence your positive mind and attitude as well as your emotions and feelings. Do the otherwise.

Left

2011-07-04T12:07:00.001+08:00

I also think that you have left. Its ok. There will come another.

Haven't met you yet

2011-06-30T09:51:00.001+08:00

Heard this song through the radio. I just haven't met you yet.

Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Rejoice with those who rejoice

2011-06-29T18:46:00.001+08:00

Is it so difficult to be happy for others for their success, gifts, talents or blessings? Is it so difficult to rejoice with those who rejoice?

We live in a world of ambitions, jealousy and envy. And it is natural for you to be like that when you see someone doing better than you or someone who gains success, having something you don't.

"We are in the world, not of the world."

But it is about swimming upstream, against the current, against the norm. When you do that well, you attract all those who wonder how you did it, being fishers of men.

People do wrong because they don't believe right works. - Dr AR Bernard

Personally, I struggle in this area. Sometimes, I find it difficult to rejoice with those who rejoice. With that I find it difficult to show love sometimes. Instead of rejoicing with them, I start finding some faults in them. Instead of being proud of them and support what they are doing, I stand at a distance.

Its a character which I know I have to change. And I am in the midst of so. Because it is a blessing to bless, to rejoice. And I believe this has very much to do with security.

When you are secured, there is no need to protect yourself from potential 'dangers'. There is also no need to prove anything to others. There is no need to catch up with the current to stay in trend. You dont have to fear of others doing better than you because there will always be someone better. Being yourself is fine, full of strength as well as weaknesses.

And I hope to reach that place when I no longer have to struggle with insecurities because of a conviction. A conviction which will never change guards my heart, my mind and my soul. A love that covers a multitude of sins. *smile*

So..

2011-06-25T00:24:00.001+08:00

So what should I be looking forward to?

What do I want?

Opportunities

2011-06-23T23:17:00.001+08:00

I have always been praying for opportunities, for God to open doors for me.

Now I realize, when there are problems, there exist a door to opportunities.