Life is like a TV show

Friday, February 27

GIFTS and BLESSINGS @ 21:04

You know since November I've been receiving lots of presents and blessings from MOM because she'll always get something for me everytime we go out. Also, that time we went Johor Bahru in Dec 17 and got lots of Mango top and i got MOM's christmas hairband then.

On 1st December 2008,

my Uni gang celebrated my birthday with me at Sentosa the entire day. We met this really weird guy that brought his own wine and drink it unto the super extremely hot sun, asked if he can join us for Vollyball and told Cindy that he likes her. *FAINT* Beyond that, he bought cocktail for us and passed it to Henry. We joked about it because we are thinking that he might be GAY!! HAHA. We went to Cafe Del Ma at Sentosa for a drink and I drank this After-Eight Chocolate Mint Rum Cocktail. They celebrated with me with the Baker's Inn Orea Chocolate Cake. The funny thing is that I was facing the direction that the cake was brought in, and to make matter more unsurprising, the waitress brought in the utensils (plates, serviettes, dessert spoons and a knife for cutting the cake). And for my present, they gave me a $250 worth of Capital Land Visa Gift Card. *COOL*

On 5th December 2008,
'The Gang' celebrated my birthday with me at Clark Quey! they knew that I wasn't really in a very good mood because I think i really sounded upset in my voice over the phone. that is the period of time that I heard from Yaowen that Liying wanted to backslide i think. Anyway, they tried to cheer me up by taking LOTS OF PHOTOS and doing funny things. I met up with Peiyun and Marg first, then Sam came along with a POWER Canon camera. (camera was really good because the colours it captured was really really nice) then Liwei joined us (after her CGM), having an even more down mood because her cell group was not really co-operative and supportive. then we went to the heart of The Cannery and saw the beautiful advertisement that either Heineken or Carlsberg has put up. its the multiple number of lights that you can form words or pictures with the colored bulb. Sam and I went to get a Chocolate ice cream for her from this Turkish ice cream stand which cost $2.50/$3.00. (i guessed that she'll like Pistachio flavour but i think chocolate is a safer flavour). then we went Hooters to eat and crap when Liwei and Peiyun went to get a cake from Nectare (The Cannery) and celebrated my birthday. BUT the Hooters gals were so unfriendly and unreasonable because they didnt allow me to eat the cake AND Liwei's ICE CREAM. They gave me a card, $100 worth of Capital Land Visa Gift Card shared between Lester (in Taiwan at that time), Sam, Marg, PY, LW, their hugs, love and kisses!! HAHA.

On 6th December 2008,
My birthday fell on a service day! And Peiyun was there for service at expo too. my cell group wanted to play a prank on me by going missing the entire day and did not want to reply my sms or even pick up my call. no further details given even after service ended. so i met up with peiyun and intended to go home until an sms was sent to me to look for the group at the Tampines Mall. and without much effort, Peiyun and i found them an the open air playground at the roof top. what are the presents? Liying came with my card - a J that looks like an award and $270 worth of Capital Land gift voucher.

On 7th December 2008,
early in the morning before i met up with MOM after her service, she told me that someone left something at the door for me. i went to look for it under the Christmas Tree and saw a "Bit & Pieces" bag. i opened it and saw a jewellery box with a Lenoir name written on the side of the box and i knew that it was a birthday present from Henry. MOM thought it was my secret admirer.

HOW I WISH EH? HAHA. Mom actually bought lots of things for me that day. Cant remember why we met after her service but should be due to the fact that we/I wanted to trim my hair. As you can see from the pictures, Mom bought this really BIG Eeyore that cost $29.90, a black Zara tank top that cost $17.90, an elastic belt with silver cum black buckle that we bought from Takashimaya that cost $29.90 (bought this also to get the Takashimaya Christmas shopping bag whicg i thought was nice) AND "Yakuza Moon: Memoirs of a gangster's daughter" by Shoko Tendo (which I searched super long for it because they stop production for the 1st edition(hard cover without photos) to bring in the 2nd edition (soft cover with photos).

On 17 December 2008,
MOM and DAD brought me into Johor and we went to eat Bak Ku Teh as usual with my favourite 'you tiao'. Then went to shop around in Palangi and wanted to buy some Christmas hangings which my MOM thought was on offer only to realise that it wasn't. Then do a fast round and went back to our usual place for shopping - City Square. When we wanted to shop for Mango because in the previous week when MOM and DAD went into Johor themselves, they saw a "SALE" on Mango's display in Jusco Tebrau City and got to realise that Mango SALE will be starting obn 17 December! thats why we went in on that day! to catch the Mango sale. BUTTTTT.. its not there!!!! its not at the usual centre event hall of City Square! Then my mom and i went into Padini/Seed since Mango is GONE. Then DAD came to call us with an anxious tone and said "show you something. COME COME, QUICK!" We got anxious, wondered what big thing happened and realise that MANGO HAS SHIFTED AND IS NOW BESIDE PADINI!! HAHA. Sooo.. I bought 1 flowery poppy skirt, black tops(buttons at the back), 1 black top(3 quarter sleeve) and 1 black dress (~120ringgit) that I wore for Ben's wedding. DAD have to change more Ringgit because he found the MANGO SHOP for me. HA... so we made a joke out of it.. HAHA.

On 25th December 2008,
CHRISTMAS!!!! I actually didn't open my presents on the exact day because we were all at Yaowen's house. Supposedly, E399 thanksgiving awards giving day cum Christmas countdown at his house but we didnt get to countdown because we reached his house too late AND we didnt have thanksgiving because the EXPO side were not there. then we went for service the next day at Jurong West and JingJing came! i think i only managed to open my presents on 27th? What did i get? Before that day, MOM and DAD bought a Christmas TY Bear. MOM bought a Precious Moments Christmas water globe which cost ~$59.90/~$69.90 and a daughter figurine which i cant remember the brand and MOM also wrapped up the Silky Girl make up i chose at Takashimaya Watson. and obviously, the hair straightener that i picked up myself is given by my 2nd brother and the LeSportSac (Black and White) is given by my eldest brother which i picked up myself but i didnt get. MOM also bought 2 books for me - Amazing Grace by Danielle Steel and Nora Roberts. Last but not least, MOM bought LeSportSac (Black and White) which i picked up myself too.

Friday, February 20

First service at Jurong West Saturday, 14/02/09. @ 20:56

WOOHOO.. Shall blog something positive now?!

We started our first JW service last week and it was fubulously great!!! We broke through and had an attendance of 15 for service. FOR many weeks, we barely hit 10. BUT guess what? We had Terrence, Mandy, Alyscia, HuiMei, Pamela joining us last week.

It was really great because we had morning prayer meeting last week also and truly God is doing a miracle for our CG and our lives.

As that is a Valentine's Day, Yaowen bought flowers for us?! HAHA. He bought sunflower for me and roses for the rest of the gals. So sweet right?

Then after service, we are only left with Kitty, Yaowen, Christine, Henry, Terrence and me. We were fellowshipping in Rivera when we met this guy from Astonia, West Germany, from the previous Soviet Union. His name is Dimitri. We hanged out and watched a movie - The Pink Panther 2. Super funny movie. Its good to sit beside Yaowen because he can really laugh!! HAHA.

And Henry invited him to his house and I was concerned because we have no idea who is he and Henry's house had no other man except him as the oldest man. And definitely, he was no match to Dimitri if anything happens. So I called Henry to told him to be careful even though he was from an affliate church to Word of Life church by Rev Ulf Ekman.

Lo and behold, Henry's mom called me the next day to talk to me about Dimitri etc.

So anyway, our first day in JW was great!!!

To add something that is not suppose to be written in this post is that we broke through 10 for CGM!!!! We actually have 13 people for cell group meeting yesterday! OOooo. I was really WOOHOO!!! We had Alarize, Kitty, Edmund, Michael, Henry, Ivan, Christine, Alyscia, Terrence, Yaowen, Angelina, Dimitri and ME! Wooooo.. 13 people! HAHA.

While I was leading worship, God just reminded me about what pastor Tan has preached last year. He said that when we know that aeroplane travels at a fast speed but when we are inside the aeroplane, we felt nothing and it felt like the aeroplane is not travelling fast. BUT the fact is that IT IS travelling fast. So, many times, it felt as if our miracle is not coming, BUT the fact is God is bringing a miracle, a breakthrough to us very quickly even when we felt nothing seems to be changing.

The whole thing goes like this:

It started on CNY day 2, on 27 January when I went over to grandma's house with him and he started to blabber stuff about taking initiative to clean the doggie's poo. I knew such things will come whenever he has an opportunity to talk about things because I knew that he is an opinionated person and always never cease to be critical about stuff. EVERYTHING ALSO WANT TO COMMENT.

I flared up and questioned him about how often he was at home because he will judge only based on what he sees. And the amount of time spent at home to see what I was doing was apparently little so it doesn't make any sense if he says that even though I also knew that the probability of cleaning the mess is small. BUT I DO CLEAN THE MESS. So the whole thing blew up and I kept it in my heart which I knew was bitterness that he TALKED SO LOUDLY at grandma's house as if our relative is so stupid as not to know what he was complaining about me to dad. HOW STUPID CAN HE BE??

Since he left no leeway for me, I couldn't be bothered to clean the mess either. Like what I told mom, i'm not a stupid person who will stay there and let you scold if it doesn't make any sense. I have my stand, I have my temper so this time i'm not going to be a good samaritan and be so patient with him because I have enough of his "SELF-RIGHTOUS" judgements. *irritated*

So till now, I'm not cleaning any mess. He can be stubborn so can I. He didnt even try to apologise or anything and treated as if things didnt happen. SORRY I cannot do that. Then last week on Wednesday, 11/02/09, I was using the desktop to research the statistics about the number of pastors who are still in their calling and about the effects of writing positive words about people when it crashed. I have no idea why it can be like this but i guess its some virus that attacked the operating system.

So i took the initiative and responsibility to admit that I did it and smsed everyone that I might be reformatting it. Only Adrian replied and kenneth reverted through mom. How initiative and responsive is that?? So I told mom and said since he didnt reply me, I take it as nothing. Then after that I was super busy with Sam's grandma stuff, Cell group, Service, spending time with mom and waited till Monday to call HP service center.

Lo and behold, we need to reformat the CPU and needed the operating system recovery and stupid brother said that it wasn't with him. While searching for it, he commanded me to do some stuff which I didnt catch and I was thinking "you treat like your robot ah?". Cant be bothered, I didnt respond.

Went to Sam's grandma funeral on Tuesday till Wednesday; slept for 3 hours plus when Yvonne called me to call for SOS for our Direct Marketing brief which dues on Thursday (the next day). So i went over to Yvonne's house; took the last bus (985) at 11.30pm and rushed the assignment till the next day. I reached home at almost 3pm and managed to catch a 2 hours sleep before CGM start. Drained and tired without having any proper besides the chocolate waffle which I ate before i sleep, I finished up my bubble tea which I bought on Tuesday. Kenneth came in and saw that I was relaxing; assuming that I was slacking and not urgent about the condition of the computer, adding on the fact that I didnt clean up the mess, he flared up and said that I must settle the computer now because he need it to render his file.

And he even mentioned that I can be so slack and be sitting in my room and relax, so i said that the disc is not even found, what does he want me to do? Assumptions made: He was the last user: disc should be with him. Assumptions made on this fact because he always assume things about me, so why should I be so good huh? So he said the damn operating system is the Windows XP and you do whatever it takes to make it happen. *King attitude* And said that I was irresponsible. So I said OK LOR; whatever you say, shall be it.

You lost the disc and you expect me to clean your mess and let you scold?? So i went to find out from Yaowen that every operating system is unique to every CPU, stupid kenneth said that its not like that. So i cant be bothered and let him fix it the entire night to let him realise his mistake; o proud ass.

I kind of annoyed when mom said things just to appease him, like trying to please a king. What shit is that?? *Disgusted* I'm just going to do this the last time, and never going to give in to him anymore. What asshole attitude is that?? But i really don't feel like going to repair this CPU since he said that I was irresponsible and that I was really ammending my mistake of being not "gang jiong" about it. BUT FOR THE LAST TIME, I shall be a good samaritan PERIOD.

I've made up my mind about him and decided to stay away from whatever shit. Don't expect me to show any care or anything. So many things that he has done YET DID NOT APOLOGISE.

What he did in the past, being so critical on things about me, the fact that he compared me with YiMing saying that I was childish, compared me with WeiRong saying that I was not initiative and responsible "dong shi", shoot me when I showed concern "You keep quiet la, you don't know anything", embarrassing me in grandma's house etc. Goodness! I still kept quiet about the upteen times that he on the air-con and I cant open my window etc. SORRY. I have made up my mind and I'm not going to care about any shit because I have enough of nonsense as a good samaritan and being run over by him just because I'm the youngest.

Sunday, February 15

Results of my spiritual battle on 11 Feb 09. @ 22:41

I was planning to e-mail Ian on 1st Feb but I hesitated and was busy with cell group, attending cgm and services for both my side and ching seng's (CS) side and was rushing assignment, presentations and test since.

Honestly, things were not so smooth since last year as I was struggling with my own spiritual life like praying and having a healthy relationship with God. I know that as a leader I shouldn't really be lagging in these things. So I think there was a certain expectation that I placed on myself, knowing that rise and fall lies in the leadership and knowing that my spiritual life will be affecting and short-changing my members.

The frustration came when I kept trying to pick myself up by praying and reading the bible but it seems that everytime I try, I failed, I try again and I failed.

Along with that, LiYing decided to backslide last year around Oct/Nov because she was in a failed relationship which she did not account to me only until she broke up with that guy who was a non-christian. This added all the more to the thought that I was short-changing my members and my life is affecting the cell group.

Discouragement and a lost of vision led to a lost of passion and hope and had thoughts that I was inadequate to lead and equip the people.

More things happened this year when ching seng's side started to have problems like Samantha's grandma, FYP stress, commitment etc. and Edmund started to waver between Catholism and Christianity because he often join Anthia for church activities which created doubt and confusion between the 2 teachings, yet he did not clarify with me.

During the entire CNY season, I really had thoughts to take a break from leadership.

I feel like everything aorund me are problems and more problems as members approach me and I was tired of it. I also question myself like why am I doing so many things when I am not even paid and everything done was out of free will.

I felt like I was investing my youth into the leadership when other youths are having fun, doing the things they wan to do without having the need to think whether are they stumbling others because leaders do have an image or reputation to guard.

More importantly, I felt that I cant improve the situation in the cell group. The thought that i am struggling spiritually left me crippled and helpless because I knew that all things will turn out good as long as i'm praying. I did not want to short change the members or cause more people to backslide.

But i hesitated to tell Ian that I wanted to take a break from leadership because I had to think about what will happen to my members without a leader? What will they feel, think or act upon on my decision to take a break from the leadership? I think the younger ones will stumble and older ones will lose hope, passion and vision.

I also remember pastor Kong sharing about the statistics of pastors whereby a large no. of pastors(cant rem figures) have thought of giving up and have gave up leaving only a small portion of them hanging onto the vision and calling given.

Indeed, many are called BUT few are chosen. Only a few are able to withstand the fire in times of testing.

Also, i figured out that the solution to the members' problems are from God. What i am suppose to do is only to act as a medium, a vessel which God use to touch their lives because this ministry belongs to Him and not me.

I also asked myself if things will be better and am i confident of picking up again when i take a break from leadership? I thought about it and just conclude that if now I cant even pick myself up; what makes me think that I will surely pick up when I take a break from the leadership? Pst Tan once said "because you have said yes, you cant say no."

So I'm not quitting and I am still holding onto the vision.

After making the decision, I'm much better. Handling the problems and speaking vision into the cell group now.

I'm visualizing and praying that the entire CG (CS + my side) will grow to 50 by Feb/Mar.

For my side, I'm speaking to the older ones like Yaowen and Christine to wan to rise up as leaders, having a vision to be a leader. Younger ones to be stronger. Of course, I've to teach and talk to the members about retaining the friends because very often, we have salvation cases but bad with retention.

CS's side is addressing issues like commitment, tithing, godly belief system and getting the people to be "planted in the House of God". He is shaping his leadership in the area of his capacity, discipleship and counselling.

Love, Joanne.

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Life is like a TV show

Friday, February 27

GIFTS and BLESSINGS @ 21:04

Friday, February 20

First service at Jurong West Saturday, 14/02/09. @ 20:56

Sunday, February 15

Results of my spiritual battle on 11 Feb 09. @ 22:41

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