Life is like a TV show

Monday, November 30

Blessings for the mind, soul and body. @ 23:34

Thank God for all the blessings.

In the supernatural realm, I must thank God for motivating me again. Probably some of you might know that I was struggling in my heart whether or not to pursue my calling or the destiny that was set before me. It was destined but it didnt meant a whole beautiful fantasy story which only happens in fiction books.

Pastor started his introduction last Saturday by quoting Philippians 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

In order for you to be renewed and strengthened spiritually time and time again, you got to do ALL the things that are required from you. Have you done all that is required of you? If not, this strength will not come.

Next, he also shared that the likelihood of your lifelong dream coming true corresponds directly to the strength of your faith! If your faith is shallow, you can easily slip away and give up. But if your roots are dugged deep into the soil, when the wind blows in different directions, you will not fall.

He shared about the typical CHC member within 3 years are most of the time on fire as many new things are yet to be realised. As this member grow older to 5 years, he starts to lose his passion, fire and calling and start to slow down in his growth and commitment. 10 years later, he starts to waver in his ministry and step down to take a break. After 15 years, this member that used to be super on fire start to be a lukewarm christian and chooses to come for service only when he likes. Do you want to be a typical CHC member or be a true follower and disciple of Jesus?

During the preaching of the word, Pastor shared about his experience about his lifelong dream to break through into the northern Asia where most of the Chinese have not known God. He has to go into the land and break the fallow ground first by creating a break through atmosphere and environment before he could send his team from the church to do the follow-up. As he was sharing, I felt impressed upon that this is how it should be done when you are leading a big group. It is about going into the field and break through the fallow ground which your members feel that it is so difficult to conquer. Openning the Heaven's door over this land is the first thing that I as a leader should do before sending my helpers and good members into the field to do the maintenance work. I was also reminded that an anointed person ordained by God to do a certain thing is never too difficult or I should say hard-going.

As I thought about the consequences of a lukewarm christian described in Revelations that God will spit him out of His mouth and he might even reach a point of no repentance as he sinks deeper and deeper, I start to reflect on my own life.

As what the bible describes about Jesus coming back will not be known to anyone and you would not want to beg Him for another chance to set things right when He is standing in front of you because you have taken many things for granted and was not prepared to be judged. It will then be too late. Take the time now to set everything right before He comes.

Before I left the service, I remembered about what Pastor preached at the beginning of his sermon. I told God that as He does His part, I will also do my part according to level that I know and understand and to my best ability. I knew that as I do my best and come out my all, He will do the rest. It is not about yourself, but it is about using yourself for the benefit of others. The calling that He has given will be aligned with your passion, talents and strength. It is often something you like to do as He never forces us to do anything we do not want or do not like to do. Describing God as a strict divine being would then be a big misrepresentation of your understanding about Him. He is not man, He is God.

In the natural realm, Mom has just bought me a white gold SK pendant cum necklace. Something that I was looking out for a long time as I lost my favourite pendant when I was in my secondary school days and have been using Mom's white gold diamond pendant since. I was choosing between 2 designs but decided on the more expensive one as it was more unique and carries a certain meaning for myself. It was designed like a letter "J" with 3 diamonds in the centre. My 23rd birthday present from Dad and Mom which I chose for myself.

Other than that, I got this "Build A Bear Workshop" white color doggie stuff toy given by a church friend as he apologises for insulting my dog and added that my birthday was around the corner too. Well, I really hope there are no other reasons which I would not wish to guess and praying hard that it isn't the reality either.

Besides, Dad went to China a couple of weeks ago and bought a HP strap with a few beary cute charms and an Esprit purple bear in the earlier trip about a month ago.

To add on, really thank God that the greatest birthday present is my job confirmation today. Finally, I have about 2.5 times of increase in pay and am entitled certain benefits like Medical and Annual leave.

Summing up, I really thank God for all the blessings that He has given and provided. I know that there will be many more coming. God Bless!

When it comes to Christmas, the streets of Orchard Road are always decorated with beautiful lightings as the weather changes to a cooling atmosphere. The breeze that blows onto your face is getting cooler and more acceptable.

I always love December not just for the reason that there are my birthday celebrations, Christmas and presents but also for the fact that it is the end of the year and people are getting into the seasonal or holiday mood.

Well, I was shopping at Marina and Orchard when I came across some really cool and nice hair accessories. Hope I would get such pretty stuff for my exchange presents. HAHA. Well, if you do not know what to get for me, you can try these accessories which are rather common in stores now. You can simply get one at Diva, Forever21, Aldo and many more.

I thought Forever21 has rather nice collections so I picked them out and compiled them as follows:

Friday, November 27

Hopes for wants. @ 09:50

Well, my favourite brown bag is finally tearing apart. Would love to replace it with a real leather bag. What would be a great choice neh?

I think the 3 selection criteria for every product that I buy would be: Quality, Price and Brand. It would then be an opportunity cost between these 3 factors. So sometimes it is difficult to get something for me as I am definite and particular about the things I choose. Even the simplest thing like stuff toys also applies. Hence, sometimes it would be difficult for me to use something that does not really suit me.

Conclusion: I LOVE Louis Vuitton Noe!! Cheaper than Chanel and it's the classics. Usually, I love the classics of the various brands.

Wednesday, November 25

2012? Reality? @ 13:52

I REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO BLOG LAST WEEK!

I wanted to blog about the thoughts I had after watching 2012 with DanYing, Cindy, YiHsuan who was LATE for the movie, Greg, Henry and Gerald.

I had a friend who commented that 2012 is almost similar to what the bible has described about the end day. Hence, there was a curiosity to find out if it is really going to be this way? But first, I had to catch the movie.

While watching it, indeed it stirred up my emotions to love the ones that are dear to me because you never know when they might be gone. Cherish them while you still can. However, similar to the last days, like what the bible describes, it will come as a thief at the night. You never know when Jesus will be coming back. It will not be possible to tell Him “Wait” because you ought to be ready and prepared for that day anytime, anywhere and any day.

As I was watching, I felt that all the events in the show seem to be so true, about saving people, having hope, going against the odds and difficulties, having the earth to shift, leaving behind a remnant on Earth to continue the life on Earth and have a new world to begin again at the end of the show. The ending is so similar to the story of Noah and the Ark.

But what really causes me to question if the events in the show is going to a reality is “Is God such a merciless and strict divine being? Will He bear to destroy the whole Earth again when He has given a promise that He will never send a flood again?”

My thoughts to these events are simple.

Jesus came to bring redemption and hope to the lost and not to condemn us further to death. As what He says, His grace is sufficient and His mercy is everlasting.

Did He send Jesus to go through all those suffering, experiences and encounters just to destroy us at the end of the day? He took our pain, sufferings and sadness as we serve a High Priest who is able to empathise with us.

God is love not a destroyer.

Tuesday, November 24

My calling lying on the fence. @ 15:17

Maybe some of you could have known about this by now.

Almost a month ago, Ian approached me and simply shared his idea of reshuffling my cell group by adding new people. This is done by multiplying 1 other cell group and merging my cell group to that multiplied group. However, by doing this, we will have to accept a new name which comes along with the multiplied group and end the lifespan of E399.

Seriously, many thoughts crossed my mind at that instant.

What will my members say? Think? Or even act? Will they be able to accept the arrangement of having a new name? What if some of them will to take the whole arrangement negatively or be offended with the new people causing them to backslide?

Many other thoughts came into my mind.

The major thought which affected me so much was "Is it going to be another battle that I must fight?" Having this feeling of picking things up from scratch and having to face those things that people might give does not seem to motivate me further. Besides, after discussing with Ian for that short 10mins, I knew his decision was rather fixed.

The drive to give the last burst to finish the year well by growing the group to 15 members was definitely crushed as I was not ready to run this new race given to me. I have not decided if I want to even continue running or just be ordinary member doing things that would be simpler.

My vision on things was one-sided: negative.

While all these were happening, I knew that I was falling into a black pit as I lose the fighting spirit. It was the beginning of it.

Until I attended another cell group meeting led by another leader where most of the members are youth, young people. I start to realize how much we have matured and compromised on reaching out to the younger people as we become less relevant to the youth. I met up with my people and shared that we have to sharpen our axes once again to be relevant to the young people, to attract the future leaders into the cell group and be able to meet their needs.

Another, is the importance of being humble especially when you have been in this ministry or cell group for a long time. Humility allows you to open your eyes to see and accept the new things. Truly, the message is the same but the method is different to cater to different people and different generations.

I knew that I could not afford to sink deeper as I would not want history to repeat itself after everyone has fought for such a long time, at least for a year.

I start to question myself what is the reason that our members keep coming back for cell group meetings? They can easily choose other commitments over this. Other commitments that the world says it is more worth it to invest your time and effort in. What is more? They are youth; the type of people who has a short span of concentration, low tolerance for discipline or might even be at a rebellious age. Why would they even bother to make their way to various places, sit there for 2 hours to listen about certain principles of doing good etc?

This is because GOD IS REAL.

He comes true for everyone who believes in Him, meets the very needs of our inner most being and even pushes us to advance ourselves to be useful and powerful vessels in the marketplace. WITHOUT HIM, WE ARE NOTHING.

I knew that I have to put a stop to following my feelings and start to do the right thing. The thing that is required of me. Start to do what I think is difficult. Start to come back to the core reason or purpose why I am still in church and believing in God.

Something that really caused me to ponder upon.

God went through the pain of sending His only begotten Son to die on the cross so that we can receive salvation to reconcile in our relationship with Him. He did not do this to get the end result or conclusion of us leaving the church; or stop believing in Him or fellowshipping with Him at the end of the day.

Like what Jeremiah says in Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

God can be so funny sometimes.

Today dad spoke to me about my iTAP and said that since the iTAP is taking such a long time maybe it is time to look for job offers elsewhere. Well, his rationale was: God’s way is always smooth because He will always make a way.

Actually at that instant, I was reminded about what Pastor has preached before. DELAY IS NOT DENIAL.

Today, my CIO announced as he was walking out of his room saying that HR has called and iTAP can confirm me and another girl. All is required of us is to make a trip to IDA to sign the contract to formalize the arrangement between IDA, Kuok Singapore and myself.

I have waited for 3 months and those who can help were rushing this process so that they can confirm me earlier to pay me the reasonable sum as agreed after knowing that my pay at this point of time is simply too low. UNDERPAID. Even the part time guy who is only responsible to scan the legal documents at 7th floor is paid $200 more than me!

But it didn’t really matter so much to me about the money. More so for the contract that I will be signing for 1 year.

One thing that I experienced personally is the feeling of having all your strength being drained away and simply rely on your pillar of strength, hope and power.

True enough, God will make a way. Do not turn to your left or right but look up because that’s where your strength and rest comes from.

Monday, November 23

One Last Chance by James Morrison @ 13:45

Another song that related to me when I was challenged with the decision whether or not to go on with the calling that I hold in my hands.

One Last Chance by James Morrison

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never and I try to remember who I used to be
I've got one more chance to get myself together

The time has come for me to change again
I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends - don't say that you have given up on me
Just give me the time and speace to heal my head

I don't wanna be misunderstood
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good to be yourself

A song that relates.

Gotta be Somebody by Nickelback

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this means too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a (diamond did erupts?)
The wind shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Sunday, November 22

Fainting experience. @ 20:59

Apparently, my previous blog skin background was removed so I had to search for a new one. That's when I came across the "Nothing's wrong with dreaming" blog skin. Thought that it is rather meaningful so I simply added these words into my current blog template. Changed all the colours to match a certain concept too.

Hope you guys like this new and simple blog interface.

Now that the blog is settled. It is time to pen down the events that has happened for the past few weeks. I remember having many thoughts which I wanted to post but somehow it slipped off my mind. WUAHAHAHAahaha.. The typical me!

Anyway, shall post about what happened last Saturday as some of you are curious.

Last Saturday, I went for a blood donation in church at Expo Hall 8, Conference Room. At the start, I was almost rejected because my temperature was high, 37.5 degrees celsius. It might be due to the fact that I was wearing my thick denim jacket as I rushed to the venue. So I waited for another 5 minutes to take another temperature and it was 37.4 degrees. Managed to pass at the very borderline.

I complete all the process to donate blood and drank a packet of Milo and ate 1 piece of Oreo biscuit as I did not want to dirty my braces.

After 20-30 minutes, I started to feel a little weird and I knew that my body was not really well. Friends around me was also asking if I was alright because my lips were rather pale. My face color did not fade away as my make-up was on. So it was difficult to conclude that I was really not well. Besides, it was usually common that we might look a little pale after donating blood due to low blood pressure.

When service started, during the praise, I still managed to smoke through the whole session but I was feeling a little hot and cold and felt as if I was having fever. But when worship started, I felt giddy and started to lose my focus as I was feeling sleepy and feverish.

In the middle of the second worship, my body could not take it anymore and I intend to sit down. Before I could even react to sit, my vision and hearing had started to black out and fail.

The next moment, I realise that I was laying on the floor and Limei was holding onto my right arm as she shouted for Liwei's help to hold onto my left. I was totally spaced out even when Liwei was trying to talk to me. I could not seem to process any information coming in or going out of my brain. After a few minutes, I manage to gain my consciousness and realise that Liwei wanted to support me to the wheelchair so that the security guys can wheel me out.

Some of the guys panicked as they were lost about what to do. Some were giving orders. Some were getting a cup of milo for me. While another male usher, Liwei's friend, went to get a cup of warm milo and a packet of plain water.

My breathing was heavy as I was feeling a little breathless. I also felt like strength in my body has left me and I was totally weak. The nausea feeling was also really bad. There was no energy left to lift my head or even to breathe.

Liwei demanded the security guys to bring me to the kids playground area as the security meeting area was too noisy.

At the kids playground area, there was a couple, a nurse and doctor who saw that I was in a wheelchair came to render their help and checked my heart pulse. They explained the possibilities of reasons for my fainting situation and suggested that the biggest reason is due to the donation of blood.

Ian came out to check on me and asked Liwei to contact Daniel to take me to the clinic to check my condition.

After all the check-up, we went back to church to take our belongings. While waiting for my members to come over to the playground area where I was, Lester saw me and accompanied me until they came. I was feeling weaker again. The giddyness was coming back and my breathing start to get heavy again. But it was all gone when I start eating some raisins.

It was the first time in my life that I have fainted. It was a no kidding matter as it was not a common thing to faint. But this is 1 big experience that I have gained after such an embarassing act happened. HAHA.

Monday, November 9

The latter rain is always better than the former rain @ 21:22

However, the bad day is. There is always a remnant in every situation.

A couple of people brightened my day.

Annie really consoled me by assuring me that it was not my problem or my wrong because it is the responsibility of HR to do that. Even though there are certain attitude that people give to me because I am young and do not have experience and org/dept power, I know that there are even more powerful people that are backing me up. Haha. I know that my Senior Manager, Senior Executive who has a great network are right behind. But at the same time, I knew that I have to pick up certain things that cannot be taught but caught.

After that, Mia, my other colleague in Helpdesk, asked me to clarify my job scope with Annie so that I will be clear about what I was and was not required to do. Because, this contract Operations Manager, did a funny thing by wanting to pass me my CIO's call when my CIO is around. To me, it was clear that he is trying to shirk the call to someone else and the best person is me because I am probably stereotyped to be my CIO's PA. So Mia asked me to clarify my secretarial responsibility so that other colleagues cannot conveniently push certain PA matters to me.

Before Annie left with my responsibilities, she asked me why did I ask about this out of the sudden. I used a suggestive eye movement to point out the culprit. We both laughed after that.

I also asked about the iTap scheme which I was supposed to be hired under. And I seized the moment to ask what if the iTap scheme is cancelled, what would be my outcome. Without thinking or even hesitating, Annie replied me saying that they can just hire me into the company. And I was rather taken aback because I did not have any knowledge about IT!

Before leaving the office, we made certain funny jokes and I must really admit that Annie's laughter itself is already a laughing matter.

Really thank God for these people in my work place otherwise it would be a living hell. One thing that I have learned through all these events from work. Many times, we think that there is no more hope because there is no one left with you. But God will always set aside a remnant such that you will never be alone. There will always be some left.

Today I really had a bad day, especially when it happened in the morning! What a great Monday morning on a Monday blue.

It is simple.

Everything started off when 2 companies needed to create the Operations Manuel. It had got to do with who do what and what is required for each process. Hence, it is a workflow process for every department of every business units in both of the companies.

As a result, we require to have the Organisation Chart of each department to make this possible. However, coming from a chinese firm which started from a very small business, they do not have a department/organisational chart at all.

So we require HR's effort to collect this Organisation Charts from every department to reduce the level of threat/politics. Furthermore, HR has to have a copy of the Organisation Chart too.

The deadline to send me the organisation chart was last Friday. But when I called the HR Manager on Friday, I realised she has not started collecting or doing anything about it. Thats when the Tai Chi activity started.

She pushed the whole responsibility to someone under her to clear the mess. Hence, no doubt that the scape goat would be unhappy and unwilling.

So it started today when I called the lady who is now helping to collect the org chart because I received an email from her Manager that she has certain enquiry. Lo and Behold! She shouted and obviously vented her frustrations on me. She claimed that my email was not clear and why on earth do I need to use 2 kinds of communication - email and verbal. She also shot me down badly by saying that I kept talking about the past and demanded me to look forward in an aggitated and demanding tone. Disregarding my feelings and the impact of the words she use, she continued to shoot me further by saying that she dosen't care about what I said to her Manager and shut me up to say I am looking backwards. She repeated herself again and again that she did not want to hear anything about what the hell I have said last time. Slapping me in the face when she asked me to look forward, look forward, look forward understand? So I asked if it is possible to pass me the org charts on Friday since it is way behind the deadline that her Manager was suppose to meet.

Know what she said? She said "I try my best la ok? I try la.. But no promises la.." Me trying to be understanding and surpressing the anger that was bubbling up, I said "I understand you guys are busy but try to pass this to me asap lor.." So she shut me up by saying who is not busy! Everyone is busy what!

So I tried to be nice and asked if she has included a dateline for the heads to meet because according to her Manager, she said she will be sending every head an email to send me their org chart. But that lady said "Havent meet them yet la. They so busy this few days so not easy to meet them alright? If you think you can do better to collect from them then you do yourself la." What a bitchy freaking attitude and tone!

She hang up the conversation on me quickly and I slammed the damn phone.

As the anger is rising as I kept thinking about it, tears started to well up in my eyes not because I'm upset or anything. But simply the fact that I was freaking angry.

I mean to me, why are there such people on Earth?

What kind of attitude and tone is that? Honestly, after hearing all the words she said, I felt like a stupid, ignorant and naive puppy which is powerless and weak. I was there throughout for her to step on and feel great. I felt totally defeated.

But I kept telling myself that I cannot blow up, otherwise I will be like her. And looking at the way she work, it will not bring her very far even if she is capable. Just with a simple fact that she piss everyone off and nobody likes her. So she can't get away with certain things or get a better treatment.

Conclusion, she is an annoying HR personnel whom people have a stereotype that they should nice people. But sad to say, she failed terribly in this area.

Even though I know I have a certain attitude too, but at least draw a certain line to balance my working surrounding.

Sunday, November 8

When is the right one coming? @ 23:24

I wonder what is wrong with me. Is it because I'm tall? Is it because of my character, attitude or even personality? Is it because of my outward appearance? Or is it because of my behaviour?

I really wondered whether is it God's will for this to come to past? Or he has already showed up just that I refuse to admit it or come to terms with it?

I also wondered if this image of the type of guy I'm looking for actually exist on Earth and will I ever get to meet him or know him?

Honestly, I have this crazy thought about the someone in my mind. If there is a second chance given, will he still take it? And will I be alright to accept it? Feel like I am banging my head against the wall as I start to think or doubt the answer I gave last time. But I think even if time were to turn back, I will still make the same decision because I think we have grown a little after that whole episode.

Well, I know I got to be patient for the right one to come. However sometimes, it does feel like he is never going to show up because there is no such person on Earth. Again, this might be true. Because it is possible that the insecurity in me and the lack of trust in someone could cause me to set a rather high expectation on the one I am looking for.

So what now? Is there someone?

I gave up someone whom I think is rather not bad 5 years ago because I knew that there is someone else that He has planned for me. But I think I am losing hope to believe or even look out for that someone that is meant to be.

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