Life is like a TV show

A thousand years by Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How do be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

I have to write it out to let it go. Breaking down at this moment.

I feel like a ball being pushed around wherever there is a gap. I feel like an idiot who can only accept it because others cannot take no as an answer.

So who am I? What am I doing? What is my role? What is my priority? Where does these lead me to? Where am I suppose to go? Whats my direction? How am I going to learn?

I'm so lost and frustrated with myself because I cant figure these out. And I dont like being push around.

So what am I now? A sales coordinator? Cum marketing? Cum business development? These are all just names. I'm doing everything. And will only be doing more. And I'm upset because I'm different. Others are sure and fixed in their position but I'm being pushed around and I really dont like it. Because my position changes according to the wind direction, its never fixed.

So how now? Take it quietly, allow to be pushed around, try not to be bitter by changing my mindset & perspective, just do what I can and know a little bit in everything? Or voice out, bang the wall, still be pushed but a least they know what you think? I hell know what to do.

But am I too self-centered to think this way? Is it wrong? I'm so confused and have no idea what I should do.

Oh! I realised that I did not share that I had an early confirmation for my job. With that confirmation, I had an increment for my salary.

I was pretty lost as to what role I should play for my job. Along with that, I felt that I do not have the knowledge for many areas which I am in-charge of. Things like social media, websites, SEO, business development are portions of my role which I feel unempowered for.

I am lost with no idea where to start learning.

I started to list everything I was doing together with what I know to see how far off I was. Then I started to list where I want to go and what I want to achieve for each area to see what I need to know and do to close up the gap.

I realised there is so many more things to learn, so much potential to be realised for my role.

I thought there is someone but the timing was not right. Totally not right.

"I just haven't met you yet."

But I take comfort in Him who knows and holds my future.

A simple word says "you meet all the wrong ones so that when the right one appears you will know right away."

I started my first driving lesson on 11 July 2011 and got my license on 15 Nov 2011. I took 4 months and 4 days to get that 18 points. I took about 19 lessons and spent slightly lesser than $1500 to obtain that license.

Many asked if I was happy. I think I should be but I have yet to overcome the major nervousness I had. Besides, the photo which I used for the license is extremely "beautiful". So should it ate part of the happiness that I ought to have. HAHA!!

Thank God for favor. The moment we reached the second floor of the driving center, the tester asked me to press the 3rd button for a queue no. Ithought to myself "so what does this means."

The heading on the 3rd button reads "New driver license."

Another colleague commented and said that testers usually will not ask the student to press for queue no. before going through the results. And I was lucky.

But I don't believe in luck. I believe in the One. Thank God.

I have got to bash through this barrier because I know there is so much potential to be discovered and so many things to learn.

But first, I have got to breakthrough this mental and emotional threshold.

Is everything happening too quickly that I gotthis feeling like I can't catch up? Why do I feel like I'm lagging behind, slower than the rest? Is it that my expectation for myself too high that I can't keep up?

I'm not sure if I'm doing more today than yesterday or this year compared to last year or this new shift as to the old.

But I know I really need to breakthrough this stage.

Lift your head up an keep walking. *smile*

What exactly am I thinking right now?

What am I feeling?

Why do I feel so restless? Aimless? And seem to have lost that drive for a direction.

What is going on?