Life is like a TV show

I was challenged during both services which John C Maxwell preached in. I was reminded about the difficulties in the various areas I was placed in - job and cell group.

For my job, there are a few felts here.

Firstly, the things that I am doing currently is totally unexpected and unprepared for. I did not request to do sales but as I worked longer, I was thrown in and became a full fledge sales person for the company while my marketing jobscope was given to another freelance marketer. I really did not enjoy what I was doing because the obstacles that I face seems to happen all the time unlike my other colleagues and I wonder why on Earth am I so different. Why do I always get the tough problems while my other colleagues seem to have an easier time. So often, I felt like giving up because I feel so tired trying to resolve the problems again and again.

Beyond this, I felt like I always got picked on for various small reasons. And again, I wondered why am I so different from the rest? Why do others don't get questioned or have opinions thrown upon or have certain practice to be given to abide to? Why others could escape but I can't? Why do I sense a bias or unfair treatment?

When I came into this company, I thought I could make a difference. A major difference. Be it bringing joy or hope. I start to realise that sometimes we don't change the environment, instead, the environment changes us. Is this a correct thinking? I thought we would shine everywhere we go, I thought we are different from the rest because we have God with us?

Am I thinking too much? Am I getting too negative that I have majored on the minor and minor on the major? Am I missing a point here? Is this current attitude and mindset that I have all wrong? Or everything I felt is accurate and alright to feel so?

I needed a miracle, I needed a career change. I decided to find a job where I could try to enjoy.

On Friday I tried to change my attitude and mindset by changing my perspective - being thankful for the opportunity to learn, thankful for the job opportunity, going back to ground zero and picking things up in a deeper way. I told myself that I needed to put aside the fears which built up as I faced 1 obstacle after another, and have the courage to throw the net into the deep again.

John C Maxwell preached about Noah "1 man can make a difference - you are different so that you can make a difference in others" Esther "God has a place for you - you can feel out of place even when you are at the right place" Joseph "Don't give up on your dreams - it is when its the toughest that God is with you even closer".

For cell group, I only have 1 root problem.

I can't find a place in this cell group as I can't fit in. When I was facing problems, I could not turn to anybody in the cell group for help other than those who used to be in my cell group. With this, I dread going for cell group meeting because so often I will feel awkward and out of place. As such, I dread to serve by leading worship for cell group meeting. There were many times I tried to blend in but the topics of the conversation doesn't seem to be easy to engage except to listen. There are times I tried to throw opinions but it seems like I made a fool of myself. Its so difficult especially when I am vulnerable to all this now.

With that, I had someone telling me that I have to learn to love the people of the cell group and not being too self-centered and start to come out and show every side that I have because like this people in the cell group will think I'm fake or not genuine as I only showed the good side of me. As much as I did not agree with these that were said to me, I still hope to find a place somewhere. Be it here or elsewhere in church.

John C Maxwell shared about Esther "God has a place for you - you can feel out of place even when you are at the right place." I almost wept when he shared about this point.

And feeding the 5000; the boy did not kept his lunch to himself instead he gave it out to bless everyone. Its difficult to care for other when I'm comfortable. I need to learn to give what I have into the hands of God so that He can use it to bless others in the cell group.

With this, I'm challenged to do some things out of my comfort zone. Priorities got to be 1. God 2. Family 3. Ministry.

"Your grace is sufficient."

Today John C Maxwell preached about the feeding of the 5000 from Mark 6:34-44.

The feeding of the 5000 speaks about miracle - being in need of a miracle or being a channel as a miracle for others.

Miracle happens by first discovering the need which is sensed by a few where each individual understands his/her responsibility and gives his/her all regardless of the odds then Jesus will work a miracle.

Need for a miracle:
Every miracle in the bible begins with a problem and the problem determines the size of the miracle.

Many times we worry about having problems, but it is with problems that Jesus can work a miracle. The problem really exists when there is no problems.

Sensed by a few:
When you need a miracle from God, you don''t need a majority to stand with you for a miracle to happen. Just that few who are aware is enough.

Each individual understands his/her responsibility:
Sometimes we suggest to God about how we think the miracle should be or the solution should be. But God doesn't need our suggestion, He needs our participation.

"Without God, we cannot. But without us, God will not."

It is hard to care for others when you are comfortable yourself. The boy who had 5 loaves and 2 fishes doesn't need a miracle unlike the rest of the crowd.

Some of us either need a miracle or already have our food but undertsand that the food has to be given to God.

When God ask you to participate in a miracle, you might not understand because the miracle is much bigger than you. If you can understand the miracle, then its not a miracle at all, then you don't need God at all.

Natural (as expected) happens when you keep your lunch to yourself. But the supernatural (bigger than you can imagine) happens when the lunch gets out of your hand and given into His hands.

John C Maxwell preached a word in season yesterday.

Taken from the verses in Hebrews 11, he said that when we are running, we are not running the race alone. If we could have some of the heroes of faith from the bible running with us for a lap, what would they say to us? They would probably summarise their whole life into 1 sentence and what is that 1 sentence which they would say to us?

1. Noah would say "1 man can make a difference."

Dont be afraid to take the first step when God commands even if it means you are the first to do it. Dont be afraid to stand alone.

You are different so that you can make a difference in others.

2. Esther would say "God has a place for you."

You can feel out of place even when you are at the right place.

3. Joseph "Dont give up on your dream."

During Joseph's journey, its when it is the toughest that God is with him.

When you got a purpose/vision, its free. But the journey is not. Theres a price to pay.

4. Rebecca would say "Serve and give generously to others." "You dont serve or be generous to get something out of it. Instead because you love them."

5. David would say "You can overcome the limitations that others put on you."

I admit that I have pulled back a lot on my initiative after I came back from Australia with the mindset that I was short-changed and I was determined to change the environment.

While waiting for the change of environment, I dread every step towards job be it waking up to prepare, travel to office or sustaining every minute during the 9hours.

But I told myself that I cannot continue this way. I need to change my mindset even if I wanted to change the environment to maximise the time I'm here before I could change.

I brought myself back to the time I was having the interview. A few things was brought back to remembrance.

I was determined to learn, learn anything under the sun. I was determined to do anything with any reasonable package - leave, pay, job scope, benefits etc. I was willing to accept anything that was given to me - sales, marketing, website, social media, english writing, b2b marketing, trades, production etc.

But I realise that I have pulled back because I had faced many obstacles while doing all these things and I feared that I make another mistake. With fear, I wanted to avoid the responsibilities that I wasn't confident about. And with that, I became unwilling to take on any more stuff other than what I wanted to do.

I think I have taken too many things for granted when I should be appreciative of the opportunity given.

I need to start to recognise the opportunity given to learn and not miss it nor waste or lose it away because I was fully occupied with the resentment about what I should be given to do.

That simple mindset to seize every opportunity to learn has to be put on again. That attitude of never enough, thankfulness and appreciation should be re-emphasized again.

But first of all, I need to face my fears.

God says "Fear not for I am with you always."

When I was in Australia, we travelled from Adelaide through small towns like SE Kingston, Robe, Port Fair and Warnambol, went along the Great Ocean Drive to the last destination of Melbourne.

We saw plenty of natural scenary like grasslands, trees, cows, sheeps and terrace houses. With the lowland, we saw the sky which looked like there's no end to it as it spans the entire world.

Staring at the sky, I asked God "So where do I need to go? What should I do now? Where do you want me to go?"

He simply replied "Do you see the sky? What do you think about it?"

I replied "It seems never ending. The sky has no limits."

And God answered "Yes. Theres no limits as to how far you can or want to go. So how far do you want to go for Me?"

And I was silent as I could not answer Him. There is a pull back in my heart as I feared the things to come or do not come if I went all the way. There was a voice telling me of all the things that I might need to forsake or to face bravely or to admit with courage and many more. And I asked myself if I was willing to do this.

But as I reasoned these thoughts, God was silent too. He simply stepped back an allowed me the freedom to make the decision myself and choose the path I would want to go.

I knew that if I followed Him, my potential will be maximised and many would be blessed including myself. But am I willing to face whats there to come?

The sky has no limits. How far am I willing to go or aim for?

So where do I go from here?

What about the job?

What about the journey or destination?

What about me? I realised I really have lotsa flaws, what can I do about it?

Oh God. Give me some answers please. *sigh*

Pastor shared about our Crossover project which has reached 10 years and preached on 28th April:
How do we cross over the other side?
Mark 4
1. What will I forsake
2. What will I take
3. What impact will I make


Blogging at 5.25am (Singapore timing) or 6.45am (Adelaide timing) or 7.15am (Melbourne timing) at Robe, Harbourview Motel; listening to "像我这样的" by Sun.

I was the first to wake up and didn't really like the feeling of being the first.

Few reasons - have to be the first to wake up (lesser sleep, earlier time) while I'm getting ready the rest had the chance to sleep (selfish thinking), taking stuff has to be discreet not making much noise to wake the rest, the scary feeling you have while the rest are sleeping...

There's this creepy feeling as I brush my teeth, like a man was watching. I prayed in tongues and said "Be still and know that I am God". There was this feeling that God is saying I am much bigger and greater than your problems and much more powerful to change situations at My fingertips, the most important thing is God backing me. Don't worry or be anxious just because of what you see ahead.

Then I reasoned with God whether should I be upset when I asked my friend to bath after I finished but she told me to go make up first so that she could sleep more. I was quite upset at that instant and said I dont want to make up (wanted her to wake up so that I'm not the only one). Instead, she went back to sleep leaving me with no choice. I had this selfish thought like why others can sleep more and I cannot and I dislike the feeling of being forced to do something with no other option. Can I be upset or rather should I? I asked God.

He reminded me about the journey of carrying the cross. Why others can but I cannot. There will be certain sacrifices to make when I follow Him. It is like a picture of salvation - the saved and the lost. Blinded in sleep and awake in the light; we view perspectives differently and judge perspectives with different mindset and principles.

Carrying the cross is like being the first in the race, there is no one ahead to help to pace you or show you the way and you have to decide yourself. Carrying the cross is like being the first to stand up and say "I'm going to do something stupid and who's with me?!" but no one replied or responded to go with you because it seems like a stupid thing to do. Carrying the cross is walking an individual walk with God and God alone.

With that I asked, why have I not met the other half? There was no answer for that except "Trust".