Life is like a TV show

Wednesday, December 29

Where nhas my faith gone to? @ 17:02

Faith is what I need right now..

Call me crazy, but I really want to hide in one corner.

I don’t really feel like meeting anyone during this festive season except for groups of people whom I know I would feel secured in. It is suppose to be a celebrative season but I wished I would blend in the wall paper so that no one would notice. I kept myself out of the business of others and remained ‘quiet’ on Facebook or Twitter although I still do read the updates.

Why?

I have been watching the Korean version of Meteor Garden for the past 2 days.

Seriously, it was really how my friend once described to me about the power of such idealistic fantasy that idol dramas bring. As we watch the various casts and roles in the movie, we start to engage in the fantasy world created by talented scriptwriters, directors, producers and actors.

Whenever you are in that world, you wished you will be like the main characters, wished your world could be like that. Personally, I wished life could be so easy, success easily gained. But there would come a time when you would need to wake up from your dream and tell yourself that none of it is going to happen if you don’t start working for it.

For a moment, I was really absorbed into the dream world where everything was like a fairy tale. But I knew good things never come easy. I start to look at all the actors and acknowledge every hard work they put in. We always think that it would be good to be rich, famous and successful, but there is always a price to pay. It is not that glamorous and easy as you think.

We always hoped that there would be short-cut to success, but there will never be. The principle of reaping what you have sowed would always apply. If you want it easy, you will always be mediocre, but if you want it to be outstanding, it would be hard work.

Only those diligent farmers who worked on the field day and night would see the fruits of their work, their harvest.

Monday, December 27

You belong to me? @ 13:15

I don't dare to like anyone for now because I realized it's always the wrong one; they always belonged to someone else.

When would the one that is meant for me come?

Some said I am too choosy or too high of an expectation. Maybe it's true but I have my reasons why I can't compromise.

December 24
Afternoon: Met up with my beloved ex-colleagues and gossip about the usual Department politics which I was already set free from. HAHA!

Night: Went for the awesome Service at night at Expo and went to meet the farm at Punggol Marina. The guys are driving so we disallowed them to drink too much and my friend and I helped to finish the 'tower'.

December 25
Morn-Afternoon: SLEEP

Evening: Went to meet the farm; marketing at Thomson Plaza to get the stuff for our steamboat session. While we were preparing for our steamboat, my friend received an unfortunate news that his Director has passed away suddenly.

Night: Ate steamboat and drank untraceable amount of beer through-out the night.

December 26
Twilight-Morn: Still drinking. When the rest went to sleep, I accompanied my friend who can't sleep and we chatted about the news of his Director. The feeling of not know what or how to feel, the lost feeling was seeping in. Shared a can of beer and we went to sleep.

Noon: McDelivery came and here comes our delicious breakfast.

Afternoon: Went shopping with my beloved Mum and bought presents for the rest of my family.

Night: Opened 2nd bro's Xmas present for me, wrapped their presents and gave it to them. Watched TV with Mum till late and finally end of Boxing Day.

Friend A: "Tomorrow (December 25) you got anything on ma?"

Me: "No program wor. Nothing on. Staying at home. Heehee."

Friend B: "Ehh? You not going service ah?"

Me: "I went le ma. No need to go again."

Friend B: "How come?"

Me: "Cause no need to take care of people liao lor. Hahaha."

Appreciating the break. It was always a busy Christmas except this year.

First of all, I need to thank God for His protection when I was on the road trip with the farm.

Not sure if you heard the news about the major accident at Cameron Highlands which took the lives of 27 Thais. My condolences are with their family.

On that very same day the accident happen, my friends woke up in the beautiful morning and had our breakfast at the resort restaurant. I sat there looking at the light drizzle falling from the sky which looked like snow as I ate the toasts that my beloved Rat had made for me.

Thank God we were not earlier; it could have been anyone.

As we went downhill back to the resort to fetch my friend, there was a major jam because there was only 1 route up/down Cameron Highlands. When we set out to go downhill heading towards Malacca, I heard the news through the radio that there was some accident on Cameron Highlands. I told my friends about it but my friend corrected me and said that the accident happened in Thailand so I gave my friend a benefit of doubt since the news was in Chinese and I didn’t hear the full news.

The next day, my friend picked up the newspaper which was hung on our hotel door in Malacca. A major news on the cover page caught all our attention. A major accident happened in Cameron Highland; taking away 27 lives and many injured. We stared and stunned at the fact that we were so close as we saw the pictures.

I thank God for His protection and prayers answered because I knew that my parents were praying for our safety. Somehow, when we route to Malacca from Cameron Highland, the GPS brought us to an unknown route which we all didn’t know it existed; skipping the major accident on road. And I knew it's His protection.

Saturday, December 25

What's true about God? @ 20:21

Everyone says prayer works! And I believe it does.

But I'm a little confuse. They say pray, believe and it will come to past. When it doesn't happen, they say we got to keep on praying without ceasing like the woman and the evil judge.

But they also say that we ought to pray in the will of God, if not, even if you keep on praying, it will never happen. Basically, it's vain efforts.

So when is it true for which odds? I kept praying for that one specific thing, yet it has not come to past. And I wonder, is this a test of perseverance? Or is it a sign that it's not meant to be?

Confused. I need wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

"The paths of the righteous are ordained by the Lord."

There is something inside of me that can't wait to reveal itself.

The 'wild' me you may say. Seriously, I really felt like drinking to my maximum capacity without getting drunk, dancing on the dance floor of a club or have many flings etc etc etc...

But deep inside of me knew that I would never fit in. I knew I can't really bring myself to experience such lifestyles although I really want to know how it feels like. Besides, maybe there is a certain impression that people have about me which I can't afford to wreck?

Consecrated. Set apart.

Tell me how.. Can I....

Friday, December 17

An instrument that should produce music @ 16:21

I was in my room packing my stuff for Malacca trip this Sunday and this familiar song came into my mind.

Never let you go by Niko
Lord, You more than anything
You’re more than gold
More than anything
Lord, You’re everything to me
I will never let You go
Never ever let You go

Your love is higher, higher than the Heaven
Your mercy’s deeper, deeper than the Earth
Your grace is wider, wider than the ocean
I will never let You go, never ever let You go

As I picked up the guitar and sang this song, I recalled a dream that always came back repeatedly during my sleep. I dreamt that I was strumming my guitar but no sound came out. I tried to strum the strings harder but only the sound of the plastic pick hitting the metal string could be heard. I always have this same dream and have no idea if there was any meaning behind it.

Today I knew what it meant. There was once, during worship in one of the cell group meeting, I had a vision of an instrument, a violin. I saw the violinist playing the violin skilfully and a rhema word was given. I am the violin and God is the violinist. If the violinist is not skilled or the violin is made with a compromised quality, it would never reach the international or global audience. Both instrument and the person playing it are important and the combination of the 2 would produce a melodious sound which would be pleasing to the audience.

A guitar that could not produce the sound meant that it is as good as useless.

A season of chastening and reflection.

Thursday, December 16

Many are called, few are chosen @ 23:02

Since last Sunday, the word ‘Commitment’ kept running through my mind after a great preaching of the Word by Pastor Phil.

Don’t mix up motivation (inspiration and desire) with commitment. The inspiration and desire would be the beginning when a vision is conceived. But when the motivation is gone, it is commitment which would see you to the end.

‘For many are called, but few are chosen.’ – Matthew 22:14

Ok. What have I been so busy about and what has been going on in my mind?

Not sure how to answer the first question but I think I have been busy catching up with life. Just felt that there are many things to catch up since I have been serving in a ministry that yields a great deal of time, accountability, commitment and responsibility during my prime age as a youth.

Disclaimer: Not that I regretted serving Him but just that there is always an opportunity cost to the choices we make. Like what Pastor Phil shared last week. God would always allow options so that when we choose one option which outweighs the rest.

As to the latter question, all I could say is I love the life that I am living now. Not that it is much simpler compared to when working in my previous company because it requires more discipline and will power or what we call commitment than before. But that aside, I feel like I am travelling a lot to Malaysia to get some of my ‘life’ back. I think I really lost most of it while trying to keep up a good attitude in my previous company. And with that, I was not really ready to sprint for the next thing in mind immediately; this meant I got to take it easy with ‘I love December’.

I think I am burned out. It is a season of rejuvenating.

Many times, my heart says one thing but my mind will rebut it with a positive thinking. I will feel out of place when with friends but my mind would spring up thoughts to convince me that most of the feelings I had at the time is possibly not true. I will feel down, depressed and probably discouraged but my mind would spring up the promises of God and say this is what is going to happen. Keep on believing.

Prayer and worship are the keys to make me saint all the time. And of course, like what Dr AR Bernard said ‘the quality of your hearing determines the quality of your faith’. Hear from God today.

I am using my new keyboard to type this post! Awesome..

Conclusion is: I am typing a lot of wrong words because I’m still not used to it but I love it especially the sound of “tuck tuck tuck” as I type away the words.

More importantly, this keyboard is going to stay with me as I use it to create many things along with my current lappie and cute pink mouse.

Friday, December 3

Leaning onto Him @ 14:14

Every step that I take is a step taken by leaning onto Him.

Every successful page that would be uploaded is a page that is done through grace and favour from Him.

All these would not have been possible if not for Him. If you know how I used to be, you would know why I gave every credit to Him because I could have done it without help. I looked to my left and my right; I couldn’t see anyone most appropriate/ suitable to ask for help. And all I could do is to figure those programming codes out on my own with His grace. I look up for help.

Every day I would make this a prayer.

Open my eyes that I may see.

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Life is like a TV show

Wednesday, December 29

Where nhas my faith gone to? @ 17:02

Monday, December 27

You belong to me? @ 13:15

Saturday, December 25

What's true about God? @ 20:21

Friday, December 17

An instrument that should produce music @ 16:21

Thursday, December 16

Many are called, few are chosen @ 23:02

Friday, December 3

Leaning onto Him @ 14:14

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