Life is like a TV show

Saturday, January 29

I love December.. @ 00:34

Everyone is so busy with work and SO AM I. I have done 11 designs and I am mass doing them so that there would be some stock for sale by the time I launch!

Guys! I am aiming to launch it before Valentine's Day so that you can get to see some hearty cards that you might want to get for your love ones!

Meanwhile, 'Like' the official page for 'I love December' below and you will be able to follow the updates at this time. When I launch this business, you will be able to join our mailing list by then! 拭目以待哦!

COMING SOON.

Dear friends,

I am launching an online shop called "I love December" in mid December. So I am still setting up the official website www.ilovedecember.com which is not ready at the moment.

Meanwhile, you can 'like' the official Facebook page for "I love December" if you have a Facebook account!

I will post the updates from there!

Love you all!

During one of my quiet time, I just felt led to pray for all those whom I met up last Saturday.

As a leader, I always knew that covering the members with prayers is very important. By praying for them, you will connect with them spiritually and you will know the condition of their lives as the Holy Spirit reveals. And I felt, since the day we disbanded, these members probably lack that and lack the spiritual ‘food’ which I would share with them individually or in a group.

We are two-third spiritual and one-third natural. It is important to feed ourselves with spiritual food as well as being fed by spiritual mentors like cell group leaders. And it would be even better if we have specific word for specific individuals as we speak prophetically into their lives, a rhema word in season.

As I prayed for the various ones, the Holy Spirit reveals. Well, I hope some of them are encouraged and stand strong.

I was reminded. The Holy Spirit guides us to be a vessel of God but you cannot make decisions according to your own understanding. You cannot be like the wild horse that must be girded by the bridle and bit. Only then, it will be blessed and anointed.

As I have made up my mind to focus on those matters, I prayed for those 3 things.

I prayed and asked if it was in His will or it wasn’t supposed to be. And He said “Wait on the Lord..” The Lord has His timing and season. So I got to wait without losing hope, trusting in Him that it will come to past and depending on Him to do a work.

When He spoke “Wait…”, I felt all doubts disappeared and I had a confidence that it would turn out well. He knows my heart’s desires.

Friday, January 28

He will come. @ 23:59

Just a thought. I wonder if I would be able to meet that someone before my beloved Sausage moved on in life.

During my 2 months of break, home is where I would spend most of my time. And that’s when, my Sausage and I grew closer. My good friend.

Recently, there was once when I was really feeling lousy. Speaking of truth, I was suffering from dehydration from the previous night of drinking, drank more than usual, and I think that’s what you call – hangover. I was really feeling terrible from the giddiness and nausea and I think my Sausage knew I was not feeling well. She sat right beside my bed where I was lying and accompanied me. Usually when Dad comes home, she will bark her head off to ‘welcome’ him home. But on that day, she kept quiet and sat patiently beside me even though she knew Dad just came home. She stayed there till I felt better.

Today, both the dogs were avoiding what they detest the most – shower. As my good friend, she ran straight into my room and hid there while Skye was having his bath. She sat quietly beside me as I was doing my cards, like how great friends do.

I wondered, Sausage is a God-given friend and this year would be her 11th year on Earth. Face the reality. I don’t think she can last another 10 years even if I do pray for her once in a while. Would she be able to pass the ‘baton’ to that someone by the time she goes?

I wonder.

Tuesday, January 25

刺猬 by 温岚 @ 15:07

If my Chinese didn't fail me, this song kind of describes me other than the part on the break up.

刺猬 by 温岚

最後一抹的微笑在转身之後
我闭上眼哭了

仅存的一点点骄傲
华丽的外表终於丢掉
很旁徨很孤单是寂寞或悲惨
一个人该怎么办

像是刺蝟般防范伪装得勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗
心痛得大声呼喊

我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻
刺蝟的坚强全都是假象.. 哭吧

像是刺蝟般防范伪装得勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗
心痛得大声呼喊

我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻
刺蝟的坚强全都是假象

我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻
刺蝟的坚强全都是假象.. 哭吧

I prayed a prayer which I have not heard for quite some time.

“Sanctify and purify this vessel and fill it with Your oil of anointing; fill it to the brim and let it overflow with abundance. And out of the abundance, flows the river of living water.”

I was reminded about the breath of God, the breath of God that resurrected the army of God in the valley of dry bones. Even dead dreams can come alive again when it is filled with the life of God.

After falling all the way to the bottom, He came with me to the bottom and picked me up and carried out the promise to walk with me hand in hand.

A couple of weeks back; I fell flat on the ground and hurt myself badly. I got back up on my feet and tried to walk but with those injuries and wounds, I fell to the ground again. After mending all the injuries and wounds, I tried another time; I got back up thinking I should be able to bounce back this time. Instead, I fell again. I had to overcome the mental and emotional effects from the fall.

Slowly but surely, I will get back up again.

Give me time to gain my confidence back. Be my cheerleader and keep believing in me.

Life is better now. At least I’m feeling it by believing that it will be.

Certain things have been compromised yet I don’t wish to lose it. All I could do is trust that His promises are true and will never return to Him void. “His mercies are everlasting and His grace is sufficient for us.” All I could do is to rely on His grace and know His loving kindness. All I could do is to hang onto the love that I have at the bottom of my heart for Him.

Beyond everything that has happened, I said “Anything can happen but I know I love You.”

With that said, He gave me His promise in Psalms 91.

‘A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the rewards of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

“Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.”’

Monday, January 17

我寂寞寂寞就好 by Hebe @ 13:06

我寂寞寂寞就好 by Hebe

还是原来那个我
不过流掉几公升泪所以变瘦
对着镜子我承诺
迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容
不算什么爱错就爱错
早点认错早一点解脱

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到
忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的借来的都该还掉

我总会把你戒掉 Oh WU Oh

还是原来那个你
是我自己做梦你又改变什么
再多的爱也没用
每个人要每个人的孽障因果
会有什么什么都没有
早点看破才看得见以后 OH

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁来都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到
忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的我总会把你戒掉

为什么说谎 by 叮噹

这次我走开再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也抓不住你的倔强
可是我知道你你为什么说谎

你说你还在一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过说我没等过难过
我也想说也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪怎么就流下来

你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪怎么就流下来

亲人 by 叮噹

別打開禮物的緞帶
最初充滿期待最後都腐敗
別打開午夜的電臺
別讓情歌反覆再愚弄

而愛並沒有教給我生存
只教我交易虛榮給天真
可是愛讓我們變成陌生人
卻變不了更高尚的靈魂
不要吻我只要抱著我
不要愛我做我的親人
把手借我一天一分鐘
做我最親密的親人
不是誰的情人誰的某某某

就算我全身濕透透

我也不再被誰牽著鼻子走
如果我還握住拳頭
可能我怕我的夢飛走

而愛並不如你想的萬能
不能讓我們不再戰爭
可是愛連慈悲也沒多慈悲
誰愛越深越容易被犧牲

不要吻我只要抱著我
不要愛我做我的親人
把手借我一天一分鐘
讓我還敢做我的夢
做我夢中偉大的微笑的英雄

我想我不会爱你 by Hebe

你的呼吸穿過身體
我來不及反應
你的聲音躲在耳裡讓我生病
謝謝你給的讓我沉迷
讓我丟掉了姓名
在好奇的時候拉不住眼睛

我想我不會愛你這樣下去
渺小的自尊都快要拋棄
我想我不會愛你只是也許

你的歎息散落一地
讓我歇斯底里
靠得太近一不小心弄傷自己
謝謝你給的讓我沉迷
讓我困住了自己
在迷路的時候捨不得離去

我想我不會愛你這樣下去
渺小的自尊都快要拋棄
我想我不會恨你傷的痕跡
住在我心底變成了秘密
我想我不會愛你害怕失去
所以逞強的遠遠看著你
我想我不會恨你只是也許

我想我不會愛你這樣下去
渺小的自尊都快要拋棄
我想我不會恨你傷的痕跡
住在我心底變成了秘密
我想我不會愛你害怕失去
所以逞強的遠遠看著你
我想我不會恨你只是也許

If you are close to me, you will know how forgetful I can be. Today I openly share why.

I guess it is a defense mechanism that turned into a habit. The very thing that affected me so much last week was almost forgotten 2 days later. And when I tried to recall how it felt or what I really experienced, I realize that it has been hidden somewhere where I can’t find it. All I knew was I am really down emotionally.

I chose to forget that pain and run away.

Sometimes, when the issue has been resolved, I chose to forget what happened and hence forget that pain or hurt that ever happened. Sometimes, when the issue has not been resolved, I tried to sweep it under the carpet, forget about it and move on from there. Not sure whether is this right or wrong but I think such things are never right or wrong, just what’s wise at that time.

As for what happened last week, God has dug all out and resolved them by the end of the week. If you were there with me on Saturday after service, sorry for being a little down, many thoughts are running through my mind actually. Every emotional struggle was dealt with every star that I once had but forgotten.

Give me some time to sort things out, I will stand up again.

Thanks to those who were concerned. Some showed and asked; some showed but didn’t know what to say while some knew but didn’t know what to do. I knew there will always be some shoulders that I can cry on even though you have been quiet or have never expressed it. Thanks for standing by.

Thanks Pastor for sharing about your struggles on the stage.

The moment you shared about the panic anxiety that you have always been having, I felt a strong presence of God. I was comforted. I am not the only one battling such emotional or psychological struggle. At that instant, I knew it was God speaking to me through you. With God, everything is possible. With God, we are overcomers and we can overcome.

This thing that I face since young has never been resolved too. But I realized it was ‘under control’ as long as I remembered God’s star for me.

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

During the ministry time, you spoke the exact words that I have written in my previous posts “You don’t have to be depressed or lonely all your life.” What more can I say that it’s not the Holy Spirit? Like what you said, we were not there by chance but it was all God’s plan.

Thanks Pastor for standing strong and overcoming all this while. Thanks for being a great role model. Thanks for standing in front of us and showing us that it can be done.

Tuesday, January 11

Never like that feeling. @ 12:37

What on Earth happened last night?

I cried buckets of tears, felt really terrible in the middle of the night and I couldn’t get back to sleep in my cozy room. I felt abandoned. I felt extremely insecure. I felt really lonely. I was getting depressed and more depressed.

It could have been worst without God.

This fear of loneliness has always griped me since a young age. It was a promise of companionship that won me to Him; a promise of a friendship that yielded my salvation.

Last night was the best event ever happened in year 2011 as well as the worst.

I witnessed the engagement of my 2 dear friends and was truly touched by them. At the same time, I felt really lonely and out of place. I was sharing a table with 2 couples. And in that birthday party, 95% are couples and 95% are from the NUS group. To make things worse, none of my friends were around and they left me to be on my own.

They came very late, just in time to witness the engagement and left shortly after that. I asked them to stay and said that I really don’t want to be left alone because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But they casually replied and said “Very tired eh. You know working is really tiring? You are not working right? You stay and represent us k?” I understand where they came from, work can really be tiring but I really do not want to be alone. What can I say? I am not working and the freest person. ‘Ouch!’ It hurts.

They left and shortly after the 2 couples at my table left and I was left with a bunch of NUS people. I couldn’t take it and all I could do to cover what’s going on inside of me was to act busy by playing with my iPhone. Deep inside of me, I knew I hated to be in that position. I felt the maximum amount of insecurity and awkwardness in my life. Not knowing why, I felt shame too. All confidence and self-esteem lie low to the bottom in the presence of the rest.

Please do not leave me on my own in the big group of unknown people. I really can’t handle it. Really can’t and it is still haunting me even until now, that feeling, that experience. And I am feeling it coming back. Is it going to be a withdrawal syndrome or depression? Oh God, guard me.

Monday, January 10

He will always have a greater plan! @ 15:35

My dear friend just called me to tell me about her O’Level results. She did way below expectations and is now facing a big question of “What’s next?” and how to tell those who have great hopes on her. I felt a lot for her. As much as she is my friend, I’ve also been in her position before but mine experience was for A’s.

Failing is never a good feeling especially for a Singaporean. But more than just a feeling, it is a roadblock to the plan that you have in mind if you have succeeded. In Singapore, failing can be as good as giving up. But I believe, as a Singaporean Christian it makes it all different.

God always have a plan even when we fail. God always have a greater plan and in this I take comfort and have confidence. We can fall back to the sovereign God who has the power to provide, withhold or take away.

“Without a vision, the people will perish.”

God will always have a vision in your life; this vision that gives hope, strengthens faith and holds us close to Him will never be taken away. So keep hoping, keep having faith, keep believing and keep walking. Failure is not the end but the beginning to a bigger plan. Don’t let failure determine your confidence and faith but let God be your foundation.

“Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.” – 2 Corinthians 3:16 The veil has already been removed, now is only whether do you believe in the impossible.

Finally I spoke the words that were lingering in my heart. I am not feeling confident. I am not sure about myself. I don’t feel secured. I don’t have faith for the future. Fear grips me tighter than I thought. Fear of failures; fear of hardship; fear to sacrifice; fear of awkwardness, the feeling of not being in place; fear of uncertainty and basically anything that we can fear, it probably crossed my mind.

I shared with a friend about the reasons why the launch for ‘I love December’ was delayed. What I really have been feeling towards myself or my future.

But someone once told me that we can never be 100% ready.

I don’t know. I shared that until I was certain about the foundation to that particular thing, I doubt I would take a step. I know I need the reasons to make that decision to go on and keep walking. And God knows that.

Pastor Mark Kelsey preached last week that when we take 1 step of faith, God will step in and do the rest. The problem is I can’t bring myself to take that step.

I need faith over fear. I need God over myself. I need focus over all the distractions now.

Saturday, January 8

I need business mentors. @ 11:10

Last night I was just thinking about something with regards to business venture.

If ever I am able to meet successful business people in the retail industry who are also spiritual, I would want to ask them how they endured the competitiveness in the industry. What is the thing that made them persevere through the various obstacles while setting up their business? What is the word or their revelation that they hold onto while running?

Seriously the retail industry is extremely competitive and it is tough to differentiate from one brand to another. And how did they do that?

I myself am finding out the answers to these questions.

Conclusion: I need great mentors.

Thursday, January 6

说好的幸福呢 by 周杰伦 @ 14:08

说好的幸福呢 by 周杰伦
专辑：魔杰座
作词：方文山
作曲：周杰伦

你的绘画凌乱着在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢
伴你断断续续唱着歌假作没事了

时间过了走了爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
一开始都不快乐你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

Everyone has a life, purpose and a future.

Everyone has options, choices and decisions.

Everyone has their own story to tell.

How would you want your story to look like?

Wednesday, January 5

Refuse to be early.. @ 12:35

I have a weakness. I am usually late than early.

Bad habit you may judge but I don’t deny that it’s wrong.

I don’t like to be early. It is a bad habit that I don’t wish to change. Because I dislike looking at people buzzing around at Mrt stations or busy areas. I dislike people to look at me and start to think who am I meeting, a boyfriend, friend, colleague or parents? I dislike not knowing where to go while waiting for the person I’m waiting for to show up. I dislike standing there motionlessly and have my feet feeling sore.

I prefer to be the person people are waiting for. I know it is a self-centered thinking. Maybe one day, someone might change me. Maybe someday…

Monday, January 3

Resolution 2011 @ 13:53

I kept thinking about things especially on the first day of year 2011.

I thought about relationships. I was thinking about those who tried by walking behind me all the time to support and protect me silently. Seriously, I do appreciate it but it will never be more than friends. I prefer someone who can walk beside me and balance necessary times to walk behind or ahead of me. But don't change just because I say so, just be yourself. It just suggests that we are not meant to be together.

Individualistic.

I have been doing everything on my own. For certain things, I prefer to be independent rather than bother/whine/pester someone else. Maybe I should put it this way. I can't tolerate too much of reliance put onto me so I treat others how I want to be treated. As much as I want others to be independent on certain things, I myself would be independent. But this made me become an individualistic person and adopt a rather ‘man’ behaviour.

Sometimes, only sometimes, I wish I could change that image that friends have about me and start to pay some attention to me. I wish I could learn to rely on people around me. Being less needy tend to get lesser attention, concern and love. “Out of sight, out of mind.”

With those thoughts, I wonder if I am ready for a relationship. After all, I have been so used to singlehood for so long. Am I able to give to another person when I have been living a solo life for so long? I am so used to receive from my parents and close friends all the time; do most of the things according to my own way, standard and expectations; and giving only when I want to. Although I have been longing for a partner all this while, now I waver about how much I really want it.

I wondered what my resolution for year 2011 should be.

"Don’t walk behind me because I can’t see you.
Don’t walk in front of me because I may not be able to catch up with you.
Walk beside me so that we can look out for one another."

There have been some who walked ahead of me and they have always been my great mentors and leaders in life. There have also been many who walked behind me as I have been their role models. But there are some who chose to walk beside me and these are the precious gems that I picked up while walking in life through thick and thin.

Nevetheless, I hope there is a special someone who knows when to walk ahead of me sometimes, behind me occassionally and beside me all the time.

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