<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d2065171967880769762\x26blogName\x3dLife+like+a+TV+show\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://happy-rainbow-colours.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://happy-rainbow-colours.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d4669029399322869353', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Life is like a TV show

Monday, May 24

my calling and direction @ 22:37

Somehow I knew that everything is in control, everything is in His hands and nothing would ever go wrong.

Somehow I felt that the God I know, knew me better than I know about myself.

He knew that without the 3 months of my last try to once again pick up the cell group and the members, I would always dwell in guilt and condemnation as I drown myself in thoughts blaming myself for such an outcome.

1.5 years ago I blamed myself for the cause of someone leaving church and it took me more than a year to get out of it.

He also knew that without trying my best, I would not be willing to let go as I always have a tendency to do everything perfectly nice for the things I have passion and devotion in.

And that was one of the reason why this time was so different from that time. I had more courage and boldness to carry on and move on than the last time if I were to carry on with the arrangement. I had this assurance that everything is gonna be alright and my members would be in good hands. Somehow I knew that everyone would be able to take this positive blow and everything falls at the right time.

The peace of God which surpasses all understanding was there to guide me.


Also, another thing which dwelt upon me is this hope which I have in Him. I know one way or another that there is gonna be a change of what I usually do. Somehow I knew that I am not called to be a cell group leader but an evangelist, someone who brings hope, who brings the good news to people who are drowning in the dark pit. However, I became a cell group leader because a couple of years ago, I asked God earnestly for the anointing which the leaders also had at that time.

After years of preparation, I think it might be time where doors are going to open so that I may enter where I ought to be going or to be in. It is going to be exciting walking with Him as I enter into an entirely different field. Also, I think God knows that I would be extremely confused if both doors are open for me to serve as a cell group leader and pursue what I was called for. I would try to juggle both visions and God knew that I can't because I am a person that needs to focus. I can't multi-task and be excellent on all the fields that I have a stake in.

So, I knew that there is a greater thing laid up for me and I am so looking forward to it.

This Asia Conference would be the time where seeds would be sown, it would be the beginning of a new journey.
Today before I went to sleep.

I can't help but to pray for a relationship.

I needed someone who can bring me to Him through this relationship together. I just felt that I can't do this alone without someone's encouragements once a while to keep me in the right path all the way.

I needed someone to cheer me to say that it's gonna be alright.

I needed someone to know the condition of my heart and mind and talk to me at the right time.

I needed someone who could give wise advice which is empowered by the Holy Spirit and God's word.

I needed someone to love me as many would also want during this age.

I needed someone to give me the security which I have been fighting myself once a while.

I needed someone to give me something which God has created for man that is physical touch.

I prayed for open doors as I thought to myself that I have been single for 6 years since I broke up with my first boyfriend because it was wrong to get together in the first place. I prayed specifically to know someone as he was the only one whom I would want to know for now.

So, please send the right one who can bring me to You rather than away from You. Someone who would not replace You in my heart but someone who re-emphasizes You in my heart.


It's time to sleep now. 1.09am. Good night.
Just felt that I want to blog this down to remember it before I go to sleep.

Honestly, since the day I spoke to Ian about the decision to make a new arrangement for my members, I felt I should take a short break before starting to devote myself in ministry again. Felt that it has been a long 1.5years of non-stop battle with myself to sustain my ministry and it is time to recuperate to sustain a longer journey.

That day was also the day I felt kind of lost as I do not know what is next, where would I be going, what would the outcome be for myself as I could only figure out for my members. It felt as if my purpose was gone together with my ministry and that is the end of the journey. While being lost, I confined myself away from people to sort out my thoughts including God. In the midst of this, I lost sight of Him and lost myself.

I knew that the 3 things I was focusing on God, Jesus who is the Chief Cornerstone of my foundation. However, I can't help but to feel lost as all these while I have been devoting most of my time helping people and serving them.

The last cell group was over on Thursday, the last service together was over yesterday and our last fellowship together was also over today.

Yesterday, we went to Yaowen's house to do some song recording as the last fellowship as a cell group. I did a solo recording where I played my guitar and sang the song "I simply live for You" by Hillsongs.


I simply live for You by Hillsongs

Say the Word
And I will sing for You
Over oceans deep I will follow
If each star was a song
Every breathe of wind praise
It will still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live
I simply live for You

As the glory of Your presence now fills this place
In worship we meet You face to face
There is nothing in this world to which You can be compared
Glory and glory
Praise upon praise

You bind the broken hearted and save all my tears
By Your Word you set the captives free
There is nothing in this world that You cannot do
I simply live
I simply live for You


Today, I was once aagin reminded about this song. At the end of the day, I recognise and know that all that I am was simply to live for Him.

After long long time of struggle to pick up my quiet time again, today, I prayed and worshipped for 30 minutes.

He reminded me about what He said about the cell group on Thursday. It may be difficult to adapt to a new environment and change, but do this for His glory. And I ought to go through this stage and overcome it for His glory that all who sees might know that He is God and He is alive that they might have hope again.

He also reminded me that there were many important decisions that I made on the month of May.

6 years ago in May, with a cross road to choose between God and my then boyfriend. I chose Him.

4 years ago in May, I met with a test to choose between an easier life without much commitments and sacrifices and being a cell group leader. I chose my ministry, the calling that He has given.

Today, I met with another cross road again to choose between God and many other options. I chose Him still.

I made a prayer and said that I will still choose You no matter how difficult the journey can be, no matter what consequences I might have to face or no matter how challenging it takes to follow Him because when I was 10, He chose me and asked if He could be my friend. After 14 years, I would still choose to follow Him because He first chose me. No matter how many times I will be tested on my priorities and choices, it would always be Him at the end of the day.


First love by Abundant Life Church

My highest call
My greatest call
Is loving You

Your perfect love
Has won my heart
Now I am Yours

Your sacrifice demands my life
I will live to honor
Your holy name
The price You paid
So I sing

You're my first love
You're my true love
You're my reason
You are why I sing
I give You my devotion
All of me, all of me

You chose the cross, You chose me
Surrendered Your life, You chose me
Though I did not deserve, You chose me

And I chose to love, just as You chose me
I put You first, just as You first loved me
I'll treasure Your grace as You died for me


Aside from making a decision to follow Him, I also need to find back myself, find back my purpose, find back my confidence because no doubt I did lose my confidence in leading people. Asia conference would be the time to find the direction in the midst of a cross road now. Looking forward.

Sunday, May 16

News announced. @ 22:10

Just announced the news to them on Saturday. It was sooner than I thought as I thought there was still time to try.

Somehow I felt the peace of God to let go this time and I guess it is the time to move on from here. It wasn't the best time then as I knew that many would go if I will to agree with the arrangement and I knew that there will be certain regrets as many might feel that they have not tried their best before moving on to the next thing.

This time, I think all have tried and have seen the fruits from our sowing. However so, I felt that it is the right time to say "We have tried our best. Let's move on."

The first concern I had with this group was their spiritual health.

I was giving Alvin Getting Started bible study before service before I really had the courage to talk to Ian about the new arrangement. It was on the lesson about fellowship, home cell group meeting. During the bible study, I felt convicted in my heart that when the cell group is not able to gather their people in a place to seek God through worship and prayer, that is when power is weakened, the group will split and the people will be affected in the spiritual warfare such that many will be battling through many trials and temptations as they are not protected by one another's prayer. Besides, Pastor Meng also shared about unity which brings about the anointing to go through various trials so that it would not be hard-going during the pre-service prayer meeting. Hence, I made a decision as the leader of the group to go ahead to disband the group.

I think everything fell into place at the right time, with the right people and with the right environment. I did not plan to discuss this matter last Saturday as it didn't dawn upon me that May was about to end. I didn't know that it was so fast. Hence, I didn't purposely plan to have all my discipleships with almost all my members before making this decision. But I think everything happened according to God's timing and plan.

I trust that He will keep His people because afterall they are His beloved and these people has gone through fire and testing so much that they understand that the primary reason why they are still here is because of God's unconditional love.

"Perfect love cast out fear" - 1 John 15

This perfect love is God and I believe all things will work out good for those who love the Lord. Continue to walk in obedience and it wouldn't be wrong. The peace of God which surpasses all understanding would be able to guide you through.

While I felt that the burden has been lifted, I start to think deeper into the decision that I have made as the leader. As I thought deeper, I felt grieved in my heart as the reality of leaving those who has been with me for 4 years since E399 was formed hit me. However so, I knew that this is the best and I know that all would be blessed through this change.

While I have a rough idea for those under, I thought about what would be laid out for me as I am left nowhere alone. I thought about the time when I retained in JC year 1, all were promoted but I was left alone in year 1. It felt like the same situation but somehow I wasn't fearful this time as I have been through it.

So there is no need to worry about me. As I take care of those under, those above me would take care of me. From here, I would find out slowly where I should be going.

Saturday, May 15

3 things I'm juggling. @ 12:51

Just focusing on 3 things: MINISTRY, LOVE, CAREER.

Ministry I guess many of you would have known that it has been a tough and hard-going fight since a 1 year plus ago.

Love, just dosen't seem to be knocking on my door as I couldn't find the right one to rely on. Confessions made could not be accepted as it is just not right. The ones that I thought would be possible seem to turn out otherwise. And there are some that I thought not bad are people that has no relations to me and I would not know them personally.

Career as I have blogged before is getting tougher. However I knew that everthing that I am experiencing today would be skills that are required in future.

I knew that these 3 things should be laid on the foundation that is built on my relationship with God.

He reminded me about John 15: "Abide in Me and I in you.."

I knew that these 3 things would not be successful until I first lay the foundation right.
It is getting tougher as time is passing away to hold onto the hope that everything will turn out as expected.

On one hand, there's a saying that everything will work out good for those who love Him. On the other hand, there's also a saying that God has a greater plan and this may not be what He wants you to continue on.

So the dateline that I set for myself to endure this race is till end of May. If it is still not working out, I would have to seek God for another opened door. Enduring till end of May actually meant there is only 1 more chance to see the result.

So shall see how.. Endure and hold onto the hope with a positive outlook for the moment..

Thursday, May 13

Politics @ 13:22

The tension and trouble of a work politic can never be fully expressed until you experience it personally.

Never knew that the nature of people can be that ugly when it comes to protecting their own interest and place of power. Also, I can never understand the magnitude of wickedness in one's heart.

Just 1 day of political activities is able to drain my entire strength which was meant for the week.

It happened yesterday. It wasn't my fault as I did all I could in my own knowledge to prevent any mishaps. I handed it to the Manager. He executed the plan his way. Got 30 over replies to confirm that the execution plan failed. Higher Management realised there was a problem and made a nasty remark. My reputation is utterly scarred and destroyed because it was my work though it wasn't me who executed it.

After which, the projector gone missing and that same Manager simply smiled away and walked out of the department while I ran around to seek for a solution, helplessly and hopelessly. This responsibility was supposed to be held by that Manager but he simply walked out of the department with a sly-ish smile.

I was troubled. Really troubled.

Thoughts came into my mind to try to understand why was he like that. Is he plotting something against me to protect his position? Did he do this on purpose? Was there a substantial backing for him to do such unpleasant actions?

These troubles drained everything out of me and I felt like I could not sustain myself. I needed a shoulder to lean on. That was when Mom showed up and met that need. Thanks Mom.
Erps.. I was super nervous and excited on Monday not because it is gonna be a busy week but because I added someone on Facebook! It is the first time I took such a first step to go closer as I often believe that it should be initiated other way round.

But, apparently, I think that person either did not check his Facebook which I think is extremely unlikely or I think he is just not interested as he dosen't know me personally.

Today is Thursday. Although, they always encourage not to give up because you never know how God works, there is another saying that is true too. HOPE DEFERS MAKES THE HEART SICK.
Sorry that I haven't been updating my blog for almost a month.

There are so many things to update and record down before I forget about its details.

One revelation that taught me to lead my people -
Leadership through 3 ways: Lifestyle, Relationship and Revelation.

My conviction is before you can share any revelation with your people and see that this Word impacts their life, you have to first build a relationship with them. The basis of trust is in the strength of your relationship with them. How much would they trust and listen to your wise counsel that you give depends on how close and respected you are to them.

However, even before you can build that relationship, you got to be counted worthy for others open up their life and allow you to play a part. And this often have to do with what they see and feel about you and what others say about you. So, how credible are you? People often believe what they see personally. So your lifestyle which is framed by your actions, mindset, thoughts, character, behavior comes into a great deciding factor for others to decide whether you are worthy to be their friend.

Lifestyle, of course, have to be impacted by God's love.


Another reasoning which I found it to be quite true is said by my leader, Ian. He said the measure of loving others is the measure of God's love that has been revealed to you of which you have experienced. This the great commandment of loving others just as God has loved you. The bottomline of leadership in this ministry and church is as simple as loving others.
< old posts
new posts >


.profile

I am colour blind. I am tall. I hate things that pops out suddenly, bursting of balloons and PAIN. I can be shy sometimes.

.loves

Pokka Oolong. Vintage and Oriental styles. Monochrome. Beauty of nature. Forever Friends bear. COLOURS. Fashion. Photography. Volkswagen Beetle.

.brandedlogy

Balenciaga. Celine. Helmut Lang. Alexander McQueen. Givenchy. Alexander Wang.

Zara. Topshop.

Clinique. L'oreal. Maybelline. Face Shop.

.teleportation

Korea. New York City. London.

.archives

September 2008, October 2008, February 2009, March 2009, May 2009, June 2009, July 2009, August 2009, October 2009, November 2009, December 2009, January 2010, February 2010, March 2010, April 2010, May 2010, June 2010, July 2010, August 2010, September 2010, October 2010, November 2010, December 2010, January 2011, February 2011, March 2011, April 2011, May 2011, June 2011, July 2011, August 2011, September 2011, October 2011, November 2011, December 2011, January 2012, February 2012, March 2012, April 2012, May 2012, June 2012, July 2012, August 2012, September 2012, October 2012, November 2012, December 2012, January 2013, February 2013, March 2013, April 2013, May 2013, June 2013, July 2013, August 2013, September 2013, October 2013, November 2013, December 2013, January 2014, February 2014, March 2014, April 2014, July 2014, August 2014, November 2014, January 2015, February 2015, August 2016, October 2016, February 2017,

.image

Eleni

.contact me

joannetanjw@gmail.com