Life is like a TV show

Tuesday, August 31

Relational renewal @ 11:00

I met up with one of my church friend yesterday because my company would be engaging her freelance service to do up a portal. Hence was arranging a meet-up session with the business users for discussion.

After which, she waited for me to pack up to leave the office together. As we walked towards the bus stop through the Great World City shopping centre, I just felt really prompted to ask her for coffee. At the back of my mind, there was this great push to talk to her about my current position.

I realized that instead of taking a break, she actually also chose to step down. She made me feel human again. She made me feel like its alright to feel so. She made me feel assured again that I didn’t make the wrong decision to follow after Him. She made me feel like I’m not alone.

Though we were not so close in the past, we chatted and shared like we were long time friends.

I’m amazed by the provision that He has given at the right time to confirm and reaffirm me when I was willing to admit and humble myself with regards to certain matter.

Indeed those who highly exalt themselves will be put down while those who are humble will be highly exalted by Him.

Meeting up with this friend caused me to think about 2 matters.

One is the fact that we need to have like-minded friends who can support and encourage the vision in your hearts and these people are often the ones who has walked the walk. Like-minded people understand not fully a hundred percent but the bigger picture of what you are heading towards; they understand the principles of which you base on.

In this case, people who have tweaked the system through their mindset would understand what I meant for my decision. It is no longer the same way of doing things anymore, but there is a need to renew our mind to embrace change to be more relevant to the environment around us.

Another is the fact that I realize that I would need to reevaluate the people whom I considered friends; people whom I allow to know about the deep things in my heart. Aside from thoughts and feelings, our vision is also another matter which we don’t blatantly tell the whole world.

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” – Matthew 7:6

Dr AR Bernard said about relational renewal that we may need to reexamine those people that we allow to occupy our intimate boundary and these people should help me to move to the next stage. Of which comes the purpose renewal, structural renewal and cultural renewal.

Monday, August 30

How I continue hoping @ 10:50

I was watching ‘The Leap Year’ yesterday on Okto and something kind of appealed to me in the show. “Wait and be patient” was said and given to the main character, Li Ann, when she went to a fortune teller to read about her marriage life.

These 2 words appealed to my heart, “wait” and “patient”.

When the Li Ann met Jeremy and told him that she was single when she was 24 years old, Jeremy responded to her singlehood and said “You must be a very brave person to stay single rather than getting attached for the sake of getting attached.”

Oh well, how I hope I could also view my life as if I’m reading a book or watching a show like what I do for all the romance stories. How I hope I could see what would become the conclusion of my love story. How I hope I could know who would be included in my love story. How I hope all these could be according to expectations and plan.

During cell group meeting last week, Ian shared an encouraging word about having value in us. He shared a word which brought an understanding to me. He said “The value that we have towards ourselves is reflected in our giving towards the Lord.”

I wondered why I restrained so many things when I stepped down and now I realize that it is because of the value that I view myself to have. Obviously, when I stepped down, without a responsibility, without a group of people looking up to me, without a need to stick with a certain boundary, I see my value decreasing unknowingly. With a decrease in that value, I found myself unable to help those around, unable to commit to those requirements of friendships around me.

He shared that when we fellowship with the Lord, we will begin to understand the actual value that He has placed in us. It is then that I understood what He meant by “But Me you forgot.” I remembered all my members and the circumstances before me in my mind but I forgot about Him.

Ian also shared another word during ministry and said “wait upon the Lord and don’t be anxious.”

Honestly, I was anxious to do something because I felt lost without any responsibility or without a place where I can sow but when he said that, it appealed to me especially “WAIT UPON THE LORD.”

Like what Dr AR Bernard said, we are bio-psycho- social -spirirtual beings. We grow wholistically. So I need to be stronger in every area of myself rather than just growing to be more spiritual.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” – James 1:2-8

Now I have the answer.

When others ask why I would want to make such a decision, I would reply and say “His peace which surpasses all understanding.”

“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; And it shall be to the Lord for a name, For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." – Isaiah 55:10-13

I just had to get it off my chest this time.

Finally, I met up with a group of listeners whom I’m comfortable and trusted to share with. Told them how I really truly felt and I think they were quite surprised that I would ever have such thoughts or feelings. I guess they thought that I was stronger than what I’m able to withhold.

I tear once or twice as I released all the thoughts and feelings that were kept safely, quietly and secretly in my heart that only God knows. They listened and tried to give me advices even though they don’t really understand, even though they are not really in the position to comprehend what exactly happened or why.

Appreciate all. I just needed to be heard.

Released and its time to get stronger. I thought and kept thinking, honestly many of these thoughts may not be true and many came from my own expectations on people’s response.

Today, I considered about people around me and their possible responses as I travelled to work. Whether or not the possible responses are really true, actually it didn’t really matter. I agreed to walk this walk for Him, not for others neither for myself.

“No longer I but Christ who lives in me.”

I got to learn how to be stronger mentally, emotionally and spiritually by walking with the Holy Spirit, living in the Holy Spirit and living by the Holy Spirit. Not by people’s approval, neither by other’s expression of pleasure and displeasure or by my own thoughts and feelings.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13

Friday, August 27

I admit defeat before You @ 11:59

Yes Lord, You are right, everything you knew about me is never wrong.

Deep inside of me, I felt the loneliness as I felt like I couldn’t find another being who could understand my position and decision. Though I was still smiling and laughing together with the rest, I knew that I was seeking for approval, the agreement towards what I have chosen, believed and trusted God for.

Obviously, I covered all these insecurities and awkwardness that I felt towards myself with a mask; hoping no one would find out the truth; the truth about how I truly felt about myself or my position.

“Where can I go without Your presence..”

God, You found me again and again; never let me go and never fail to let me understand that You understood everything that I felt, that I faced, that I needed.

You reminded me about the time when you walked the journey to the cross of Calvary, where no one could understand Your decision at that time, where no one could fully stand with You and fight the fight together, where everyone had almost the same mindset that it was foolish to die for nothing, yet You endured the journey with great emotional, physical and mental pressure. With all that You have experienced as a Man, You told me You understand.

All said and done, it practically moved me to tears as I finally felt Someone truly knows and has always been holding onto me, never let me go. Someone who knows me better than I could know about myself. It came to a point where I could do nothing but to lift my hands in total surrender as I knew I could not resist Him and simply admit that I was lost.

At one moment I seek this, at another I seek others. And at that instant, I forgot about You. I forgot that it was all about You, all about fellowshipping and building a relationship with You; rather than or more than just making a mark in history, leaving a legacy behind in this world.

I could never comprehend the measure of love, acceptance and embrace that You could provide. And I guess that is because I still know little about You.

‘“But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God’ – 1 Corinthians 2:10

Thursday, August 26

Lift the atmosphere @ 15:00

Yikes. I'm planning a department teambuilding outing.

Honestly, planning is not the tough job here in this case, given my experience but getting the people to come on a Saturday for this event and getting them excited is the challenge.

Half the battle is won when 13 out of 16 has agreed to go.

Remaining 1 has rejected. Left 2 unconfirm.

I managed to approach 1 of them and she replied me and said "No, I'm not going and I'm not going to give face (to boss)."

To say the truth, I may not totally agree with the way my boss does things but I disagree with this negative attitude here too.

It seems difficult but it's alright; I believe in the power of One. Gonna lift up e whole atmosphere & He will prevail. It is going to start from me and I trust that this attitude would influence those around and build a greater atmosphere which allows the creative Power to move. Touching lives one by one. "It is not by might nor by power but it is by the Holy Spirit." And it is going to start from the teambuilding event which I believe we are going to have so much fun that it instigates a sour feeling for those who never or refuse to go.

Again, just want to make myself clear, I'm not against those people instead it is those negative energy which influences the atmosphere of the department that I'm against.

Being negative is not going to solve the problem really, it adds more fire to situations.

This is my 200th post since the day I started blogging to note down my thoughts, revelations, convictions and life story events.

I was praying on Tuesday, desperately asking for a direction, an open door, a way out to pick up a new thing, there was no answer, but my heart and burdens were lifted up.

Deep inside, I knew what He was pointing me to. Sometimes, answers will not drop from Heaven so conveniently. So I will never know until I dare to try a new thing if I want to do a new thing. Like what Pastor always say, it would be ridiculous when you do the same thing and expect a different outcome.

It's time for me to unleash my potential and I know that I have been given more than these. "Those who sow bountifully will reap bountifully." It is only when you take and use what you have in your hands that will cause it to multiply. Sometimes, when God dosen't answer, you just got to take the first step and trust that He will open the way for you step by step. Along the way, you will realise how far you have gone as He guides you step by step.

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

At the same time, I also know that I have been resting and rested enough. It would be a bad idea to rest too long, it would cause us to fall into our comfort zone hence be a challenge to focus on what we have been called to do.

A few thoughts that has came across my mind, discipline and commitment hence consistency will cause me to constantly focus on what I have to do, on what I have in mind, on what I have set out to do.

Of course, "It is not by might, nor by power, but it is by the Holy Spirit." And not forgetting that "In my weaknesses, His strength would be made known." Definitely, "His grace is sufficient for me."

As much as God is concerned about you, He is more concern about your character than comfort. Get this straight JO.

The grass is NEVER greener at the other side because only by sowing then you get your reaping and because there is never a short-cut to success. So stop dreaming. Start working and sowing. That's because the world and our God will not wait for us forever to get our butts going, instead He will keep going and find another soul that is willing to follow and raise him/her up. So its time you do something on your own to catch up. Time to unleash your potential. Time to sow. Time to work. Time to advance forward.

Now is the time and the time is now.

So the action plan now is to join a ministry.

Tuesday, August 24

Making a difference. @ 12:34

Alright, I'm typing this post in the midst of feeling drowsy from the aftermath of taking a flu medicine.

I just wanted to blog about what happened yesterday, the idea about making a difference in people's life by influencing them. I read a Facebook status which my friend posted says something like you know that you have made an impact when you step into a room and people's hearts and countenances lifted up when they see you.

Thank God for opening of doors in terms of hearts.

On Sunday, I logged onto my MSN and immediately a few windows popped up, friends were saying “hi”. In the midst of these windows, lies 1 window conversation started by my colleague who was asking me to go cycling with her next Saturday. I can feel the desperation in the words that she typed as she asked if I can go with her because she was feeling very stressed especially when there are plenty of activities planned till the end of the year.

Actually I was quite surprised when she approached me because she is around my MOM’s age with kids but she said her kids are very busy.

When I went to work yesterday, I realise Coco was on leave and left with Chris and I for lunch. Thank God for another opportunity to affect my fellow colleague whom I thought was rather negative towards the situation in the department. I shared that the situations are beyond our control and we can never change a thing about it, neither can we try to change others but the only way out is to change out mindset and perspective.

I shared with him about the situation of the department when I just came to join them and shared that those who are negative towards the way the department was led often fall short of the benefits that the management is giving due to their narrow-mindedness. This time, it would also be the same unless we keep ourselves positive and open to all types of implementations.

I also shared one fact that we all would know that is our boss is really quite raw in terms of leadership and he is probably doing a trial and error to see what type of leadership suits him and is able to implement through-out the department. As much as we do not want to be his guinea pig, there is always a beginning.

In the later evening, my colleague came over to talk to me about work related stuff and ended up sharing some of his complicated family background which arose from his wife’s complicated marriage history which caused a ripple consequence to the next generation.

Slowly but surely, making a difference in the lives of people one by one; be a city that is set on the hill which cannot be hidden.

Monday, August 23

Rainbow @ 20:19

At that moment, I saw his updates on Facebook; he uploaded a beautiful picture of rainbow that symbolizes the promise of God, which represents the goodness and loving kindness of God.

Rainbows never fail to make me happy.

Beyond that, I realize that I can't comment nor like it because he did not respond to my friend request. Yep, I was disappointed as I should be.

Suddenly, it came to me whether is it I'm thinking too much that it could all be possible. Is it time for me to face the real world and stop dreaming so much that I would get a chance there? Is it that I have been hoping too much, hoping on the things that would never come to past? Is it that I have placed my hopes on the wrong things which in the first was never meant for me?

Questions kept coming without a firm answer. Though there wasn't an answer, deep inside of me really longed for something I have been looking forward to for a long time. There was a voice saying that it would not happen and you are thinking just too much, too ideal, too ridiculous. Besides, he is someone whom I still do not know personally. How could such a thing be possible then? Disappointed, uncertain and a sudden loss of faith and hope leaked out of my heart.

Just at that moment, I was listening to "Fly High" in Mandarin; Mujizat Itu Nyata, the last song. A sudden wave of love and hope came upon me as I felt the assurance from God once again.

It spoke directly into my heart saying "Lord, every time when I'm weak, Your grace is enough for me. If I could believe, miracles will definitely happen. It is not by power or by might, but it is by the Holy Spirit. If I could pray earnestly, miracles will surely happen."

The doubts and uncertainty in my heart was lifted, once again, standing strong on His promises, praying continually for that very specific miracle to happen.

Have hope JO! You never know how God works, but He will definitely not fail you nor short change you. But seek first the kingdom of God that all may be added to you that your joy may be complete. It is only when you fulfil His desire that He may fulfil yours.

Mujizat Itu Nyata by True Worshippers

全能的神你能力无限
有了你万事都有可能
纵使大山在眼前
你也能够挪去
在你绝对没有难成事

主每当我软弱无力
你的恩典够我用
只要我能够相信
奇迹必会降临
不靠才能不靠势力
依靠神灵的能力
只要我全心呼求
奇迹必会降临

只要坚定来宣告就有奇迹
坚定相信就必会成就

Woooo.. I was typing in my post which I wrote during my holiday in Taiwan and realised that God did spoke about my future.

In my earlier post, I wrote about the test on the decision that I have made and honestly, I was lost at that moment when I saw that there was no road that was created right before me. I felt stranded and lost as I do not know what was in stored for my future.

But today, I saw the exact answer to the questions in my mind.

"He has already given a dream, a vision, the confirmation, now the assurance."

I have to stand strong, commit and be focused on what I ought to go into. Spiritual disciplines are what I require right beside me all the time.

Whenever I walk through the valley or when I do not know how, remember about His promises and revelations that He has given.

"I need Your grace and mercy."

Funny thing.

When I was there at Taiwan for the 9 days, I missed 2 weekends of services consecutively.

Being absent for the 2 weeks of church service has caused me to kind of miss seeing a dude, a knife and cool dude, playing the base. Haha.

BUT the good thing that my friend told me that he also did not play during the 2 weekend service when I was at Taiwan! He played yesterday, the Saturday that I came back to Singapore. *happy hippo*

Many misses when I was there.

Anyway, there's still no news and I'm still praying for a miracle to happen. Heeee..

14 August at Jiufen

Today, we went to Jiufen to visit the most talked about village at the outskirts of Taipei. Indeed it is a place with great scenery and cultural stuff.

An unforgettable event happened when my friend broke the news to me that he dropped my ‘less-than-one-month-old’ Panasonic Semi-D camera onto the road.

Evidence of scratches and dents on the frame of the camera were the proof of a careless act.

Just like any other people, my first response was anger. I almost flare-up at my friend but I chose to restrain my tongue and refrain from saying anything more because you can speak words which you don’t mean at the verge of anger. I knew it was natural to be angry though, so I chose to keep quiet until I have fully cooled down from the aftermath of the news.

My anger led to feeling upset because of the damage done to my new camera. Besides, it was counted as my first and most expensive camera that I wanted and got for myself.

But somehow I felt that He was trying to bring a certain message across. Material stuff could never replace the sincere and trustworthy relationships and friendships that you have found in your lifetime.

People and relationships are priceless and therefore even money would never be able to buy.

So I learnt and experienced these and prayed a prayer to forgive and to be forgiven.

By the way, my friend was so guilty that he went to get my favourite tea, Oolong tea leaves, for me. Honestly, I don’t think it is very cheap.

11 August at Taipei

On the way back to Taipei on the High Speed Rail, I was pondering about my life as I listened to the “Light of the City” album by City Harvest Church while I enjoy the beautiful view of low land area with a bright blue cloudy sky. As I saw the beauty of nature and the things that God has done for me, I was once again reminded about His love, acceptance and secured presence.

I was reminded that everything is held in His hands. Miracles will happen when we pray from the depth of our hearts.

It is not about the achievements we have gained that made Him love us or will please Him but it is the true heart that follow after Him that He longs to have.

I tear as I remember about His goodness.

Am I ready to take on the new journey?

He has already given a dream, a vision, the confirmation, now the assurance.

Sunday, August 22

10 Aug at Alishan @ 23:45

10 August at Alishan

While we were travelling up to where we were going to stay at Alishan, I had the opportunity to see the beauty of nature. I saw the landscape, mountain, greeneries, sky, clouds and at the same time, the natural disaster that occured at Alishan. It reminded me about the creativity and the love of God for the creation that He has created; I am just grateful that I know who He is since the young age of 11.

Thank God for the people He has placed in my life to bring me to where I am today.

Thank God for the church, my parents, family and friends.

9 August at Sun Moon Lake

I saw the simple life of the children at the Sun Moon Lake and felt the laughter of joy at that place. The simple life of running around, playing with the dog, swimming and laughing with one another as they played together. Seeing their laughter makes me feel joyful and happy at that moment.

Friday, August 20

Tough decision to keep standing on @ 15:35

Ooooh.. It almost hit me down the moment when my decision was tested, when my stand is challenged, when people question my unusual decision, when others doubt my intention just by making that decision.

I agree with all that they shared, it is not wrong seriously, but I was just trusting and obeying what was spoken and directed.

Basically, I feel that it is very difficult to explain my decision to others. Some doubted my decision and wondered whether i made the right decisions with the right intentions or whether I was led to the right place. Honestly, if I was a 100% sure and certain, there wouldn’t be a need to trust God.

“Though I can’t see Your hands, I will trust Your heart.”

It can be rather discouraging because you feel like you are facing it alone and others don’t really understand or misunderstood your stand on decisions. They feel that I should do otherwise which i can understand also because that is the usual thing that others would do.

But what I hope is for my friends to trust me that I am making a right decision despite what you feel should be done. It can be upsetting when you keep hearing all these comments and feedbacks that are against your decision and you heard none that is cheering for you to go for what you believe in. Maybe there are some around me, but I don’t know who you are. But even if you don’t, I understand that it is not easy to understand my stand either so I can understand your reactions. So, please understand my friends that I am not offended by your concerns, instead I appreciate them still. =)

Anyway, i was warned about all this that are coming so I would have to face the consequences of making a different decision.

Above everything else, I had a great laugh during lunch and felt very much better though I have to admit that what was said kind of affect me a little. Almost tear in office. But I will keep on standing, standing firm on His promises which was given to withstand this little transition.

It is not about whether others understand your intentions or not, it is Him that matters in this case. I have been through many of such scenarios where it is literally going against the stream but fix your eyes on Him and walk to the other side. Don’t turn to your left nor right, but look up.

After every rain, would be the bright sunshine and a colorful rainbow.

Friday, August 6

Keep walking @ 16:21

Yaowen, Alvin and I attended cell group meeting yesterday and it ended up an adults’ meeting because both Xiaoweis were not available to lead their cell group.

Ian preached a relatively easy-going and simple message about keeping and having a strong relationship with one another within the church environment.

Honestly, he preached about various points about relationship with one another but the main thing which I caught during the entire preaching was the introduction. The only reason why people would be willing to come to church was relationship.

Relationship gels and keep one another together even during times of trials.

During the ministry yesterday, as we sang

“You’re my first love,
You’re my true love,
You’re my reason,
You are why I breathe.
I will give You,
My devotion,
All of me,
All of me.”

At that point, I was reminded about a leader who stepped down due to certain personal issues. It was not about the reason why this leader stepped down that convicted me but it was the way, the method, the “how” he stepped down.

I had taken 1 month break and during this break was a transition that I have to face personally as I adapt to a different environment and responsibility which affects everything about me. I think the mentality to run away from everything was coming from the fact that I had to deal with myself before I could help others. Helping others while dealing with my own issues was an added burden which was too much to bear at that time and I was not able to take it at that time. Hence, I decided to let others help them rather than I personally do it however it was tough for both sides as they did not have a relationship closed enough to help one another.

By doing do, I think some has slipped into a dark pit hole where there was no one to really turn to and help, where there was no one to pull them up and walk this walk together. I understood everything they were facing but I just had to trust God that He will uphold them while I fix my problems.

Yesterday, I was so convicted that I could not leave them in a lurch anymore but I got to be there to pull everybody up and stand together as we brave through this season together. Even though we may be facing different situations, we could still be there for one another. Also, I understand that they would also need time to be integrated into this new cell group as all of us take different amount of time to adapt to a new environment.

While doing so, everyone has got to be networked to one another because it is only when you are left alone that the devil will attack your mindset and heart which affects your emotional and mental strength.

Therefore, guys, we have to support one another at this time even if you might not be called to be a leader. Only by doing this, that the back door would always be shut and everyone would stay in the House of God; even when the wind blows at different directions, we would not waver because we would have one another to pull one another up and keep walking hand in hand.

Be bold, be strong and keep walking.

So, be a man, do the right thing.

The previous time I went Bangkok with Edmund, Christine, Yaowen and Limei; I had a great fun and experience which I had never felt before. Beyond that, I had a purpose to go overseas; a purpose at the back of my head. With that purpose in mind, I really focused to achieve it, and it was really good.

This time as we are all planning for the Taiwan trip which will happen in 16 hours time, i seek to look for a purpose like I did for Bangkok.

I figured out for a few days and felt that for this season of life, I needed to know where to start off a new journey and that direction has yet to be figured out. So this time, for this Taiwan journey, I would want to find out what is going to be my next step, the direction that I ought to take, the passion or potential that I have yet to realize.

Thursday, August 5

Lifting off the burden @ 17:04

Thank God for an appointed opportunity to talk to her to tell her how I really felt to be in this situation, in this place with these people (don't get me wrong, I love the people who are around me in this same situation).

Shared with her about how I felt about that guy which really annoys me when he overstepped into my personal space.

Shared with her that I’m lost with direction as I felt like they did not have a plan for my position in this place. Without a plan, I had no idea how to position myself and find what was relevant to me.

Shared with her that as much negativity and lack of vibes, unity and excellence there are in the environment, I wanted to keep my principles. I wanted to stay positive with hope in my heart as I face the displeasures, complaints and the whining of people around me.

Most of all, I think the thing that really touched my own heart is when I said that when I came into this company, I was full of vibes and excitement; ready to take on any challenges; ready to learn and pick up skills quickly; ready to do anything; ready to gain anything and everything that could be given to me. My attitude was like the woman in bible who said “And she said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.” in Matthew 15:27

When I just came into the company, I was hoping to learn many different things as my previous boss promised. The prospect of coming into this company seems promising with such a strong and capable leader. However, he chose to leave and another leader came along with a new leadership and value system.

But with all these happening, I somehow lost it. I have lost my cutting edge.

Actually I didn’t need her to advice my much but being a fellow Christian in this team, I just wanted to share how I felt and what I faced. Honestly, I felt that she is facing even much more than me but I felt better when I spoke what was in my heart and I think it brought comfort to her that she wasn’t facing this battlefield alone. There is another person that agrees with her principles and value system and she is walking the narrow but righteous way that can never be wrong.

Her advices to me were something which I figured out and knew in my heart during this season of life.

One of her advice is that I should be careful not to allow such negative thoughts and mindsets influence the very principle I stand upon; which is different from many of the rest.

The second that she shared is the very fact that the cultural mandate was all about; being excellent in everything that you do. In this way, you command respect and build a worthy reputation for yourself from the people around you.

She encouraged me and told me that I always carried a good attitude and ready to learn and learn it fast. Most of all, she could just leave matters into my hands and know that it will run well.

I wanted to blog about certain thoughts yesterday but I was busy packing my bag for my long awaited trip.

I was thinking about my career as in the current situation that I was in as I battle the thoughts and environment of negativity and feeling of dissatisfaction in this journey while I was travelling to work yesterday.

A thought just came across my mind and I felt like all the accumulated experiences that I gained now are directed to something called character shaping and managing of expectations. I guess what I thought about the world was too ideal and the entire make up of it was due to the fact that I was probably too naïve.

I realize that in life nothing’s perfect and it would never go along your perfect expectations as in a fantasy world. It would never happen.

You got to alter your expectations to something that can be done on this Earth and something that God allows to happen.

I thought about the events and thoughts that came to past last week and I only have 1 conclusion, there is still a long way to maturity, there are still many things that are yet to be sharpened.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11

Tuesday, August 3

God is not a strict or stern man @ 15:37

I was feeling the weight of walking through these life experiences again when I woke up today. I tried to elevate myself by praying in tongues, singing praises and praying for the life of God to fill me again but nothing seem to lift my spirit.

I was reminded “Your word is a lamp unto my feet, light unto my path.” And “Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God.”

I started to read Psalms 4.

“But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself. The Lord hears when I call to Him…. You have put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their grain and wine increased. I will lie down, both in peace and in sleep. For You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

“Trust” drift across my mind as I read “Lord has set apart the godly for Himself”.

With that, I remember about what Pst Phil preached last week during our Anniversary Service 2. “Trust”, “Delight” and “Commit” was totally inline and corresponds to what Pst Kong preached during the first service; “Faith”, “Hope” and “Love”.

I started piecing it together and spoke to myself; trust and have faith, delight and have hope, commit and have love.

And I started praying against the dark powers that has suppressed and oppressed my spirit, feelings and emotions. Lethargy, unmotivated, grief, negativity, lies from the devil, tiredness and doubts. I started binding the powers that are against me and prayed for the righteousness, grace and mercies of God to sustain me that I will walk a walk that is pleasing to Him.

Somehow I sense that I may not comprehend or see the hands of God moving for me but I trust His heart that He will lead me to places where I would shine. It is a stage where it is a mundane and constant walking on the narrow road as I keep the faith faithfully.

When I reached office, I started speaking to my soul. Speaking words of encouragement. It is so revitalizing as we are living in an environment where judgments could be harsh and expectations could be strict. Take it easy chap! Have a light heart because He is not a stern and strict master.

“Keep it there. You are doing fine. Have a smile and keep walking. =)”

“JO! Stop whining! Start trusting & have faith, delighting & have hope, committing & have love! Haf a smile & keep it there, you're doing fine. =)”

‎"Amazing grace how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found. Was blind but now I see. My chains are gone. I've been set free." - Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin ♥

“Sometimes love comes around. It knocks you down but get back up when it knocks you down, knocks you down.” – Knock you down

I woke up at 5 plus in the morning because of a very very disgusting dream! I dream about a group of siblings working as slave for a rich household on the fields. A young boy from the household handed a pail of what seems to be water to the youngest sister to water the soil and as she poured the fluid out it splashed onto herself and burned her skin because it was acid not water. The young boy laughed as the girl yelled in pain. The acid that fell onto the soil killed every living thing and the worms were all dead. The young girl fell onto the ground, helpless and in excruciating pain, she cried for help but no one was there. Suddenly, white and black stripped worms started wriggling through the soil towards the young girl but she could not move as she was weak. After a while, I realize that they are not worms but snakes. They were coming nearer and nearer until they reached the soil just beneath the girl. Before anything could happen, I jumped out of bed and my neck started having this itchy feeling. YUCKS!!!!

Although I don’t really understand the meaning of this dream or realize if there is even a meaning, I prayed for peace of sleep and went back to sleep. Struggled a little but still managed to catch some rest before getting up for work.

Monday, August 2

Look forward? @ 16:36

Counting down. 5 more days to holiday.

But I don't sense the excitment. I don't feel the anticipation.

Funny isn't it?

Few months ago, we were all counting down and excited to get out of the small island of Singapore. Few months later, today, the excitment level seems to go down for me.

Is it all about a human nature? We long for something we do not have, and when we finally got it we stop appreciating/treasuring it.

What if, he comes, would it be such a scenario too? Would not be so looking forward?

Sun led us in worship and sang this very song which was totally meaningful for such a time as this as we face the trials together as a church, as a leadership.

We lift up our eyes by Tom Inglis

And we will say
That You are good
And all the miracles
You’ve done
Have brought us joy

For we are changed
And all the hope we have
We place in You right now

Father we declare
That we love You
We declare our
Everlasting love for You

Father we declare
That we love You
We declare our
Everlasting love for You

We lift up our eyes
Above the troubles
In our land
And together we stand

To declare You as King
In times like these
We choose to praise You
For it’s You,
It’s You who really matters
You are worthy of all praise

We declare our
Everlasting love for You

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