Life is like a TV show

Saturday, July 31

Releasing. @ 15:44

I'm sitting at East Coast Park feeling the sea breeze at Bedok Jetty.

Many thought came into mind as I settled down at the bench.

Thoughts about my current situation, my career, my future, my commitment with the church / God.

Yesterday, I waited 45mins at the GWC bus stop for a bus 16, still it didnt come. So looking at the situation, I dropped an SMS to Yongjie to tell him that I'll be skipping FOP because I'm also rather tired.

Tired from all the events that happened during the day, during the week, it drained much of my motivation & emotional strength to keep keeping on. Everything accumulated as i got frustrated with myself & my situation and on Friday I finally felt the strain, the burden, the weight from the cares of this world.

My Uni friends asked me along for a drinking session at Dempsey Hill, Red Dot at the late hours of Friday. We sat, drank, joked, shared and probe into one another's life. Thank God for people He placed with me.

There're down times and up times in this group and the gathering of people are the outcomes of all the positive & negative outpouring of time spent together. Appreciate this irritating farm of dudes & babes which made them special.

Yestersday as I travelled home from GWC, I just felt like bursting out in a loud cry but I restrained and teared instead. Slept in the bus after that and felt so much so much better.

Give me the courage to face my future, face each mountains, face each events, face each person.

As I faced the beach, felt the cooling breeze, saw the sunshine & the clear blue sky, experience the joy & laughter of different people - family, kids, youth, grannys, I felt peace and had this assurance that everything will be alright. Everything will be. Alright.

Friday, July 30

Gloomy day. @ 17:56

The day started with a very gloomy and dark sky in the morning today. It went on to pour cats and dogs when I stepped out of the house and I was drenched in the rain.

I knew it would pour heavily yet I refused to take the umbrella. I love the raindrops that fell from the sky. Miss those days when I was training with a group of young people; be it sunshine or heavy downpour, we had everybody together.

I was travelling on the bus to office and I started praying. There was something inside of me that flowed with the gloomy morning yet I suppressed it by praying for the joy of the Lord.

But inside of me still felt like hope is leaking. Hope for a better future.

During the day, certain things happened which stumbled my morale further.

He simply just vet through all my personal windows which includes my MSN chat windows and Facebook to busybody about my life.

Honestly, I felt like there is no personal space there. But another side of me, I’m simply frustrated because he is really too much as he deliberately tried to overstep into our personal space.

Morale was down to the bottom and I just felt like crying to release the emotions inside of me.

Maybe these emotions were accumulated along the journey when I’m frustrated with my current situation yet I did not release it. I’m not exactly sure what could have led to these but I believe He knows me better than I.

Totally not looking forward to FOP, but I guess I still have to commit myself to certain things.

Oh well, JO have hope!

How I hope there is…..

我及时变别人的跑腿呢?

But anyway, as I have told my friend, I am the most free person in the Department hence the best candidate to do these stuff.

Call me bias, but really, I’m more willing to support 2 other woman than the man above me. I think because I feel that I could trust their foresight and judgements more than the guy. At least I know and trust that they know what they are doing more than that guy.

And will you allow me to cry out loud in this blog and not judge me hur?

I just want to say “For goodness sake, I HATE TO BE CARRY AN ASSUMPTION THAT I’M YOUR DAMN PA!!! So stop asking me to do a damn PA’s job!” Will you spare a thought for me? It is precisely that I never wanted to be a PA that’s why I clarified about this long ago and now you conveniently throw stuff at me just because I’m situated outside your door?

Very un-motivated whenever such happens and the worst thing is I’m trying to avoid it. Willingness vs Unwillingness. Of course, I’m unwilling. Don’t you understand? Should I spell it out for you to understand? And can’t you observe a change in countenance and vibes in the environment?

Oh well, I’m tolerating all these rubbish and constantly trying to look in the positive point of view by putting myself into your shoes. But please don’t overdo it, I don’t know how long more that I can stand this protest.

I know that I got to take joy in the small beginnings because this is when the journey of a greater thing will start. So God, I need your grace and mercy to go through this.

“Let the joy of the LORD be my strength.”

Thursday, July 29

Love. @ 11:04

Good morning world!

I love everything about You and I.

Looking forward.

Wednesday, July 28

Creative power by Dr AR Bernard @ 10:14

Just want to pen down what Dr AR Bernard during service on 3rd July.

God gave us the gift to exercise the power of our will, given us the freedom to choose. So through the decisions and choices, that's when we make create our own future. Therefore, we can alter via our choices to impact our future.

Allow God to teach us how to make better choices for our spiritual growth and development and that requires knowledge, understanding or translated wisdom.

Wisdom is the matter of the heart not the mind hence greatly influenced greatly by our identity, purpose & value system. God has given us the power to choose and told us what to choose; therefore with the freedom given, we also need guidance otherwise it will lead to destruction

Power of our choices can help us to stop what we haven't finish.

All growth is a process; it's the ultimate end (outcome) that sets the expectation for the future therefore we are more committed to what we want to accomplish than the process. When the process is revealed, people look at what it takes to bring them there and they will have second thoughts about running that very race. It's the commitment to the process that will bring us to the ultimate end. If you're not willing to be committed to the process by fixing your eyes on the other side (on the joy that was set before us), if you're not willing to go through the pain and sacrifice, you can forget about the goal.

3 elements of growth
1. Relationship
Relationship with God and people
2. Truth
Allow yourself to speak the truth, work of the Holy Spirit to convict us on the truth about things
3. Time
Occurring in a period of time

Growth in essence is a mystery. Growth is the maximum level of productivity that puts no limits to it!

Dominion (positive) vs dominate (negative)

You cannot change the mind of ppl unless you first change the heart. So in every stage you gain, relationship, knowledge, understanding, authority and deepening of our character.

"He is the vine, we are the branches", fruits are not grown on the vine but on the branches. As much as we need God for life, He needs us for fruits in our character which influences our choices which either foster or undermine our growth.

Principle of restrain - tongue : words have power and creative power.

The excellent success of 1 level is only mediocre success to the next level!

“I will bless the LORD at all times, for His praise shall continually be in my mouth” – Psalmist David in Psalms 34:1

While I was preparing at home for work today, I started praying in tongues and felt the spirit of God rejuvenating me again, felt life filling inside of me.

As I was travelling to work, I started praising God in my heart as I do not want people to think I’m nuts. But inside my spirit, inside my heart, in my mind, I started praising Him and thanking Him for the present and the future events that I see coming.

Immediately, my spirit was lifted and I was full of the joy of the Lord, ready to start the day and ready for a battle.

As I walked to my office, I thought to myself that the mouth is like a production machine while your words are the instructions for the machine to produce the desired outcomes.

I started to think about the people around, thought about the things they say and I realize that those who speak negatively tend to be very narrow-minded, defined within the 4 walls of their mind or boundary and often go in circles of their life. But those who choose to speak the unusual instruction, that’s the positive, tend to see beyond the 4 walls of their mind, beyond the veil, beyond the situation.

Choose life and speak life into your situation, miracle, people, environment and atmosphere that surrounds you.

Monday, July 26

God is really good! @ 14:31

GOD IS REALLY GOOD!

Why did I say that? Because I'm still able to spot him nearby our debrief area. Haha! Everytime he is nearby, it is an opportunity or a possibility for me to know him and I just feel happy and excited to see him. I'm crazy right? I am hoping, praying and believing. Doors have to be open. And he has to be interested! WASSUP?? Aiyoyo.

But anyway, nothing's going on yet.

Yaowen wanted to introduce me to someone whom I already knew. But shall see how it goes. Ha!

And my Godma is really cool. She will random SMS me to say that she is praying for me to find a husband! Hahaha! God is good. People are praying for me at backstage. And God honors prayers!

Happy happy.. Looking forward to interesting events in life.

Ha! God is good all the time.

I'm moving on in life. Joining my cool cell group for service, having fun after service during fellowship and camwhoring with the girls! It feels good. Really good.

Thanks for accepting and making such a great effort to integrate us in. Thanks for all the joy, laughter and pictures to make me feel comfortable. Thanks for standing in for me when I needed to handover certain responsibilities. Appreciate all the things that you guys are doing for the people I love.

Things are getting brighter each day, each week and yet to be a month. Ha!

Saturday, July 24

Stand in His righteousness. @ 15:53

Wanted to pen this down before I go and prepare for service.
I remember during the few years of fighting really hard for the vision of the cell group, the option of stepping down kept coming into my mind. The temptation to choose that option was great because there was an impression that life would be easier without any responsibilities.

But I was wrong.

After being 4 years being a leader, being a strong follower of God as without leadership responsibilities was more difficult. Aside from the fact that being a leader can be a habit, I have grown to accustom myself to the boundary that a leader should set. Boundaries of the do and don’t are clear and there was no need to question them. I have been leading my life with such boundaries set for 4 years and now that I step down, as I put aside my leadership responsibilities and mindset to receive a new thing, I realise that I also have to put aside this boundary that I have set for myself as it would be irrelevant.

Leading a life that pleases God is a challenge for me at this stage as my character is tested; character that is no longer abiding to the boundaries as a leader but as an individual follower of God.

I knew that it can never be done on my own. This character and image that I have within would be tried and tested. It would have to stand on the righteousness of God. It would require the grace and mercies of God. It would need to be based on a conviction out of the character and understanding of God.

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord; nor be weary with His correction; for whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gets understanding.” – Proverbs 3:11-13

In order to receive the new wine skin, you ought to first surrender all to Him. Give all of you, in exchange of all of Him. Otherwise, there would always be this rebellious part of you that would not subject yourself to the ways of God. Those who are highly exalted will be put down while those who are humble will be highly exalted by Him.

Everyone has this seed of potential. To use it for evil or good always start with a decision, a choice. To make a decision that is pleasing to Him, will be base on the conviction that you set in your heart from the understanding and experience you have about Him. This conviction will constantly be moulded through the trials and testing in the journey with God. This journey with God will start from the hunger, humility and love for Him with the understanding of the love of Christ. This love of Christ has already been given 2000 years ago when He died for you on the cross of Calvary. He chose to die because He chose us.

A stage of preparation for the new wine.

Sunday, July 18

Turning point from now, today. @ 12:20

Picked up my courage, SMSed Ian that I would like to speak to him for a short while, met him up after de-brief with the cell group and told him my decision to step down yesterday.

If not for His assurance, hope and confidence, I would still be wrestling in my heart whether to decide on that.

Honestly, it isn't an easy decision to make.

As I have mentioned before, there are concerns. People's opinions and member's point of view on this decision are the few concerns I have; basically would they fully understand this decision that I make? Another concern is about myself, would I drop the ball on picking up the cross and follow Jesus? Would I keep the faith and passion to run with Him? Would I be able to sustain the journey which I foresee would not be an easy one?

When I told Ian about my decision at the first row of Delta floor area, I could see a facial expression which was filled with disappointment and surprise. I knew I would have to face this. But it is not about pleasing people, but God. I know that afterall Ian would support me for this decision though he may not fully understand. But I trust that the Holy Spirit would do the rest for me.

He asked if I would still be helping out like as a Connect Group Coordinator. At the back of my mind, I didn't really thought about it but I think I wouldn't be helping out for now as I would like to take a break to figure things out for the next step to take. Quite certain about it as I saw my response and reaction when Alvin asked me about bible study. I think he wanted me to give him personal bible study but I probably wouldn't be giving any at least for now. At the same time, I wonder if I would be staying this cell group for long because actually Ian only gave me 3 months in this cell group in the meantime to figure things out that time when we discussed about the disbandment plan for E399. Yes, I know I didn't tell you about it, so now you might understand a little better why.

I knew that my members are still sticking to me as a comfortable zone as it is so easy to click together but I would prefer everyone to break out of the comfort zone and explore greater possibilities of getting a group of strong support in the cell group. It's gonna be alright people. It's gonna be. =) So I'm probably be referring most of the cell group stuff to Yongjie. This was also one of the reason why I went to meet Peiyun for fellowship instead of going with the cell group because I think you guys can and should get used to the rest of the people in the cell group without me. My presence would only hinder you from coming out of your comfort zone. Afterall, I'm not about abandonment in the decision here because it is also for me to come out of my comfort zone when I do that. This is done out of love.

"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13

"Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." - Matthew 7:6

Some of you may not understand my decision for the cell group and for my life and it feels tough for me to explain it too. Besides, how could it be possible for me to explain it to anybody and everybody as there are some who would pour water rather oil. So I would prefer to keep it between me, God and to a few really close ones whom I think is able to help through times when it is really difficult. If I did not explain myself to you, would you still trust me that I have made the right choice? Not out of mere following and blindly believing but out of the number of years that you have known me, out of my character, fruits and results from where I have sowed. Would you trust me?

I wrote in my Tweet.

I do not need an army to believe in me because you can never please everybody around you. Joyce Meyer said that there will always be a 10% of people who would not agree and understand what you are doing. But I'm asking the 90% of you, would you believe in me, trust in me and have faith in me that I have made a right decision? Even without understanding or seeing the full picture of what I'm into. I only need an inner circle of people who would do that for me. No matter what happened, is happening or going to happen, stand by me by believing in my vision. You will reap what you sow. As much as you believe in me, there would be someone who would also be believing in your dream and vision in life. For some of you, you knew that I have been believing in you since the day I knew you, would you do the same for me this time?

Today by Christian City Church

Today I'm leaving all my troubles behind.
I'm letting go, I'll follow the line.
Holding on with all of my life.

I see a rising sun.
It only just begun.

Today I'm walking to the beat of Your heart.
Take me all the way to the start.
Stretch Your hands straighten the path.

I'm found in open skies.
Your heart it lives in mine.

Today... Today..... Ooh... Today......

Today finding my first love again.
I'm learning how to let You in.
Trusting You with all that I am.

Shadows fade away.
Its You that clears the day.

No more running wild.
I'm Yours for life.
You got me here, You got me.

I hear Your call tonight.
Your heart is mine.
You got me here, You got me.

Oooh...... Ooo... Ooo...

You drew me out of the deepest sea. Ooooo...
You gave my soul a song to sing.

You took me up on a mountains high. Ooooo...
I see my life in a different light.

Saturday, July 17

I am different. @ 15:25

Everyone is made in the image of God but we are all different.

I think God has wired me up to be so different from people that I can constantly be against the norm for others.

Is it because I'm longing to be different or my determination for things are just different from others? Haha.

In terms of the physical realm, people usually put on more weight when they graduated from Secondary Schools or Junior Colleges or when they started working. Instead, I slimmed down much more. I lost 5kg when I graduated from TPJC and now I'm still capping at that weight.

I can eat supper and not grow fat. My muscles can firm up so easily just by 1 time of exercise so I would forsake certain exercises that build on certain muscles in order to maintain my feminine look. Haha! =P

I can go for schools even without knowing a single soul in that school or without having any knowledge if my friends are going to the same school beforehand. I dare to do things alone.

In terms of spiritual, most people would lose the momentum after changes are made especially when it seems to go downhill for their ministry. Instead, I saw this opportunity as elevating myself to the next level/stage in my walk with God, I'm happier and more confident after my group disbanded. Still in the preparation stage to move to the next thing in life as I'm finding back certain things that I had when I was still a young girl.

It would be greater, better and more to be fulfilled.

Haha. I guess I'm wired according to the vision that was already given. The potential that has already been placed in me will bring me to the destination that has already been planned.

So don't worry and let's move on in life to pursue and fulfill a greater thing.

I was talking to one of my friend in the leadership a couple of weeks back when we chatted about my journey moving forward now that the decision to disband my cell group was firm at that time.

As mentioned in my previous post, there were 3 options to consider.

We discussed about one of the options for me that was to step down. My friend was not for that idea as she felt that we would lose the momentum when we chose that option; the momentum to serve God and stay passionate. Honestly, it can really be true as we saw many examples of people leading to that outcome.

Before I made any decision, I thought of the consequences and that was also 1 of my concern; whether can I stay close to God and still be on fire to go for the dream and vision that God has placed in my heart.

On Wednesday, I made a decision with regards to my journey going ahead after wrestling with God on this matter for a long time. "Just do it!" I wanted to wait for doors to open before I tell Ian about this decision. But somehow I just felt my heart that only when I let go of this, then a new opportunity will come. Somehow, I feel that it will only come when I had the courage to tell Ian about my decision. It is about trusting in God, having faith rather than taking the safe route in my comfort zone. It is about a test. How daring are you to fall into His hands. How much do you trust Him that He will provide.

The feeling I get for this whole situation is like giving God our finances. Only when we sow, then we will reap. When God spoke that word, out of that little amount that we have left in our bank, we take out a sum to sow it into His kingdom, leaving a small amount. You wonder how are you going to survive with that little amount left, but you choose to believe in God that He will provide. You trust Him that He will multiply 30 fold 60 fold or a 100 fold return for you.

Only when we trust in Him and choose to abide in Him, then He in us. Giving our life, in exchange for His.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and all may be added to you that your joy may be complete."

Now that He has spoke about it, showed me about it and instructed me about it; I had and still having confidence that everything will work out eventually even if things seem blurry at this point of time. I was reminded that everything lies in the hands of God and everything is in His control. God is sovereign.

A prayer for this point of time. A beautiful song.

Hati Hamba

Standing in awe of grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face

God of all Heaven and Earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surrounds me
Oh God I stand amazed

My Jesus, my Lord
You’re the love of my life
Wherever You go wanna be by Your side
No longer I but Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity
My eye set on You in this race that I run
No longer my ways, let Your will be done
Make me a servant, my heart’s ever true
Clinging to the cross, I’ll follow You
I’ll follow You

Friday, July 16

Can I trust my life in His hands? @ 17:55

Should I sit with the leaders or with my new cell group?

What about moving forward? In future, should I sit with my new cell group or I still can sit with the leaders even after certain decisions are made?

Honestly, I hope to sit with the leaders at the second row where I’m just a few meters away from him but I knew that I had to move on with my life too. If it in His will, He would make a way to make it happen despite not being able to see each other at a near distance. Hahaha.

But really, I’m reluctant to do so because the adults have a favourite spot at Bravo terrace! So far!! I can’t even see the faces of the worship leader clearly even with my spects on. =(

Had to let go. There will always be sacrifices when we follow Jesus. And there is always a test given to us to make a decision to follow God or our own desires.

Yesterday, C.XiaoWei shared a very simple word and a simple offering message taken from Matthew 6.

“32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Only when I choose to seek Him first, then my needs will be met. I understand this principle very well as it has always been a test constantly in my life.

Choose to trust your life in His hands.

Monday, July 12

My God is well able. @ 21:24

I was encouraging a friend today after she told me that she had a hard day at work. I said that this situation is probably allowed to happen to expand your capacity and you are going up another stage/ level of life. You are 1 stage/ level closer to your destination.

She replied me saying that she dosen't have any destination because she is lost. I encouraged her that everyone will have a destination just that it has not been revealed to her, just keep going you will soon find out.

She replied me and said you also, remember what you just said.

Actually I was rather taken aback when she said that. It was like "Mark your words and don't turn back on it" kind of reminder.

Honestly, I knew my destination just that I didn't know how and could not see what it takes to bring me there because it seems to be so far away. It feels like my destination is at Bishan but I'm taking the subway train in Kuala Lumpur. It feels like the paths would not cross and impossible for me to reach the other side.

Today, I came home early because Steffy couldn't make it for a movie hangout. I had second thoughts about doing my quiet time after changing & washing & moisturising my sun burn because Channel 5 is screening the Bourne Ultimatum.

But I looked for the song chords which I felt led to play, picked up my guitar and started worshipping.

His promises were fulfilled. His presence came and fill the atmosphere, the place of rest.

"And You've come to reign in me.."

I prayed again for my ministry and career which I have already lifted up to Him.

"Your word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path"

But something which I still had to speak words of faith and hope into was brought to my attention as I was reminded about someone. This vision felt dead. Immediately, I prayed specifically for doors to be opened and opportunities to be laid for it to come to past. It may seem impossible but with God, all things are possible.

I start to visualize a path that is created out of nowhere in the wilderness. When it seems like in the norm, it is impossible to find a way out, God will purposely fashion a way where you never would think is possible.

I started singing this song and I know that my God is well able.

God will make a way by Don Moen

"God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide,
Hold me closely to His side.
His love and strength,
For each new day,
He will make a way,
He will make a way.

In the roadway in the wilderness,
He'll lead me.
And rivers in the dessert will I see.
Heaven and Earth will fade,
But His word will still remain.
He will do something new today."

Sunday, July 11

Cycling to East Coast Park @ 15:09

I woke up in the early morning of a nice Sunday and wondered if I should drag myself out of the comfortable, warm bed to exercise and appreciate the nice weather and the nice day. Honestly my flesh is weak! Haha.

I switched on my iPhone and checked my Twitter and saw something that changed my mind.

"arbernard: All change begins with a DECISION. Once the decision is made, DISCIPLINE becomes the bridge between desire and accomplishment."

I decided to "Just do it!".

Here I am at East Coast Park, appreciating the couple at 1 side singing and playing the guitar; the nice weather to be in; the breeze to blow the heat and bring fresh air.

This experience is like God. It's difficult to note down what you experience because it is beyond description.

Saturday, July 10

Restoration again. @ 11:39

Once again, I started picking up my guitar; strumming the familiar chords for the song "Out of my hands" by City Harvest Church.

I sang it as a prayer to God as every word meant what I really wanted to say and truly words aren't enough for me to start to say what You mean to me.

Words can never express the experience that I had with God ever since I knew Him. Words itself can never express what He has given to me. Words can't even express what I want to describe about Him.

This few days have been tough as I am drown in the cares of the world. Looking at the situation at work is depressing enough, I turned around and look at my ministry which is all in the grey area as I still have no idea where I ought to go, I turned at the other side, there wasn't anyone there for me to look forward to, I turned at the opposite side and saw my ex-members whom I'm so familiar with yet I had to let go and move on with the new thing. When I had nowhere to turn to, I looked down and met the devil.

It's really so tough walking with God. So tough.

Strumming the chords of F / G / Em / Am.

I finally broke down in a great cry to God and told Him that it is really so hard, it's really so difficult to walk a walk of righteousness, a walk that is pleasing to Him. It is so difficult to resist the devil as I am living on Earth and every system is for that bad guy and against the camp of God. I cried and cried, tired of fighting, tired of resisting. He knew exactly what I meant and did not deny that it can be tough walking against the current of the flow.

He did not promise us a bed of roses after we chose to follow Him, instead, He promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For Your rod and Your staff they comfort me."

He came and comfort me, allowed me to release everything that I have kept inside unknowingly until every details was dugged out; until every strength has been drawn out of me as I release these things that clot my mind and emotions.

"When I am weak, You are strong." - Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

When I am weak, He would carry me and walk through this time of trials together. I knew I am never alone especially during the time when I am walking in the valley. It has never meant to be done on my own. He reminded me about the verse "Woman, Be of good cheer, For your faith has made you well." This time, I wept as I felt His comfort. He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world. In this, I can take joy and comfort that God will prevail and the devil will lose every victory. In this, I knew that everything is going to alright and fall into the right places.

I prayed for strength again. I need the hope that does not disappoint, the faith that moves mountains into the seas, the joy of the Lord that is my strength, the grace that is sufficient for me, His mercies that are everlasting, the peace that surpasses all understanding and the love that covers a multitude of sins.

"The path of the righteous is ordained by the Lord" - His word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.

I want to be like the city that is set on the hill that cannot be hidden that everyone can't help but to peek to see what is going on. And let the good news be spread that all may know that You are real; that all may know who You really are.

Words can never express Your greatness until one really experience You that they will know that You are real.

Love You. Thank You.

Friday, July 9

Choose not to be @ 10:16

On Tuesday, we had a leader's fellowship at Suki-ya, Marina Square Centerstage.

I was on the same table as YongJie, KangWei, Weiting and Limei while our neighbour were Elise, Vincent, Bryan, Roland, HuiFen and Christine. We had fun and laughter but somehow deep inside of me just couldn't feel joyful. Something was bothering but I can't seem to know what.

There could only be a few things to be troubled with now. Career, Ministry, people or just me.

Would need to breakthrough this cluster of thoughts which affects the mind and the emotions and embrace the joy of the Lord, the love of Jesus, the hope that never disappoints and the faith that overcomes all things.

I will pick up again, just give me time to figure these out. Or I should say just give me time to recover.

Tuesday, July 6

Not worrying @ 14:05

Also, I would want to say that as much as it is tough for all of you, it is tough for me also. I thought I could have a break, but would have to settle all the sheeps before the shepherd could take a break.

Sometimes, it is all about the team effort. It is really when everyone is trying on their own to settle down that makes everything much easier for the leader. Because I can say that it is also not easy for the shepherd to even take a break without letting go of the sheep and trust that they will be alright.

Honestly, sometimes when I see certain things, I would not interfere like last time when I would go and deal with the issue because I am no longer their shepherd. It's tough. But I got to learn to let go as much as they learn to let go of me as their shepherd and start believing and focusing on the vision of the present shepherd.

At the same time, I wish I could just let go like that but the fact is sometimes the sheep will come running back to seek refuge. I can't just pretend that there was no problem nor can I say that everything's alright, neither can I bring myself to chuck them aside.

So, everybody, I'm going to let go and I know God will place everyone into the right places. Despite seeing a problem there, I know that you will know what is right and wrong even without me and not compromise on certain principles that you have been living on for years.

Don't let me worry about you guys. Prove yourself that you can pull through, and I know you can because we have fought a great battle for 2 years and you are still standing with God.

It has been some time since I last updated my blog. But I think for now, I feel that I really need some time on my own to figure things out without compromising certain principles.

Anyway, I'm in the midst of certain transitioning stage and would need some time to adapt and decide on what I would need to focus on in this stage/ level of life.

Last Sunday, I took my first leap out of my comfort zone to go somewhere where I could just sit there and enjoy the breeze; doing the things I enjoy. Basically, catching up with myself, my life. I felt like I have been running so quickly for the past 23.5 years that I have forgotten to slow down and look at the things in life that are simply nice.

I guess this is called taking a break from life; from the cluster of busy life.

I have decided to do this once a while on Sundays to different places.

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