Life is like a TV show

I feel super unprepared for the new year.

2011 has been much better than 2010 although there are also ups an downs.

Praying 2012 will be even better.

What are my goals for next year?

Do I look so strong that many wouldnt think that I can be really down or reach my threshold for certain things?

你们真的太看得起我了. Many times, my appearance of strength is truly to hide whats weak inside. I hide many things too well that many may not know the true me. But I do.

I maybe laughing with joy but its just a mask to cover the real me. I only started experiencing true joy when I came to know Him.

I realise I'm not as strong as what I think I am to be. I realise I do have weak point towards certain matters.


Am I taking it too personally? Maybe like what someone says "take it easy."

Am I expecting too much of myself or I'm really not cut out for it? Someone else once told me "dont be too hard on yourself. Take things slowly."

Already I feel I cant cope with this little load. How much more can I if I want to do more?

Cry.

Omg.. I can't believe it. >_<

I hope I have not caused the start of anything unpleasant. *cross fingers*

Listening to a radio now.

Wish I'm chilling out at a pub with a live band now. Cool breeze blowing as we sit there, sip some beer, catch up and enjoy the moment. As simple as that.

Wish I could catch some movies too. Best if I'm not alone. Superb if I'm with someone whom I can share the happiness of catching the show and burst out together in laughter at hilarious scenes.

Wish there's a chance to chill out at some atas cafe. Sit at a quiet corner, sip hot chocolate, read up the books, have small bites, look around the relax environment and just feel contented and happy. Doing it together like we are sharing the same interest.

There're many more things that I hope to have a chance to do. Will God open a door? Thats what I have always been hoping for. But I'm slowly growing weary hoping for this simple desire.

Oooops. Even this?

I think I have a problem. *sigh*

Nobody would want to spend Christmas alone.

I need a shoulder to lean on.

Someone I could count on and walk together.

Indeed all things will turn out fine.

Many times, those thoughts are not true yet its a battle in the mind and a struggle with the emotions.

Now, theres a dilemma.

A whatsapp messeage from a friend to say one of my friend who used to be my ex-member was admitted into hospital and had an emergency operation.

There's a sudden worry and urge to want to fly over to give her a hug and find out if she's really ok. It made me miss her so much.

No idea why but I almost teared by the fact that theres a possibility I'll lose a dear one anytime. Life is short.

I realise there're many who became dear to me whom I need to treasure a little more. Let there be no regrets.

By the way, my family and I met a group of bad police when we went in Malaysia last Saturday.

BAD POLICE.

Thank God I wasn't driving if not I'll freak out like crazy. x_x

Its a season of giving. Love and sincerity shown through giving.

Its a season when we will set aside time to spend it with our love ones.

And this is why I luv December. *smile*

Finally got a break, get out of Singapore and was given a shopping frenzy yeaterday.

Finally got a big happy laugh with my family.

Now I need to learn to be content and keep walking on this journey. Its tough because of the obstacles, trainings and tests but there are also rewards.

Look at the bright side friend. God is always good. *smile*

不要说你不知道难道你没感觉到 - 王力宏

Ooops. Screwed it up again. Din mean it though.

Its really time to let go. Can't hold onto it and think that its gonna happen my way. Even if it is, He will open a way / an opportunity.

Currently, there definitely is no open doors.

I needa get out of here soon.

Can't afford to spend my time & energy going through all these thoughts. It's draining life out of me.

Help me.

You know the thoughts that You think towards me to give me a future and a hope.

Arghh! Get me out of here.

Last week, I was challenged to go for cell group and lead worship again. I was tired and exhausted. But God is always faithful to show up when we take the first step or more. I just let everything down and let God do what He wants to do, I simply follow.

We always want things to happen our way but God says He has His own timetable. We ask "Why hasn't it happen?" "Will it happen?" His ways are high than our ways, His thoughts higher than ours. We need to take a step to trust Him and place our trust, our confidence and our hopes in Him.

We think that its unfair but God went through it even before we started ours. He understands how it feels and how unfair it can be. But out of love for us, He chose to go. We always want things to happen our way but God says He has His own timetable. His are higher than ours.

The heart of men.

God knows.

God spoke before and during cell group meeting 2 weeks ago and I just want to write it down.

Before cell group, I was really challenged to attend and lead worship. God reminded me about the important element about worship. It is a human nature to want to look good in front of others but God looks at the heart. God cares nothing else but us. Sometimes, we are so distracted with the wxcellence of serving (like Martha) that we fail to be like Mary. Worship is just between you an God, nothing should come in between. Strip yourself from everything and come before Him true and open.

Worship leader was meant to be someone else who chose the song "Jesus be the center" and "Taken" so I was suppose to lead using these 2 songs. But I dont feel confident about the first and was contemplating to use another song but have no idea what. Until I surfed YouTube and came to this song "You alone" led by Allison during service. We wonder why we had togo through so much.

One reason. Its for God's glory.

Exhausted.