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Life is like a TV show

Friday, October 8

Running away @ 10:30

Running away again.

Everything is quiet for the moment.

Mouth is sealed, heart is quiet, and neither whispers nor sound of a voice exist for the moment. But the mind is constantly focusing on one question. Should I stay or leave?

Both options lead the heart aching in one way or another, each option has its worries, each path has its own journey and events to walk through, each consequence has a different outcome.

What would He decide?

The heart is not fashioned to share its feelings at the moment as the heart could not contain cares of the world, thoughts and expectations of people anymore.

Until it feels strong enough to handle more again.

Wednesday, October 6

Heck care @ 17:31

I know that people of all sorts are reading my blog and some may not agree with little things that are shared in this place but I am just going to go ahead with it.

Anyway, these are thoughts; although some are negative it will always be balanced up with the positives.

Monday, October 4

Love is a sacrifice @ 13:20

People come and people go.

Different ones got together as the situation brought us together. I thought about my colleagues, my Uni friends, my JC friends, my Secondary school friends, my primary school friends, my cell group members, my church friends, my leadership friends and my present cell group friends.

Some are still closely knitted to my heart as we meet up once in a while to catch up. While others are not longer in touch as we journeyed our own life separately further and further away. Honestly, there are some friendships that I have lost touch with by the time I recalled again about that person but it was too late to catch up again.

Yep, there is a wasted feeling that I felt. So I got to start to sow time and effort into these friendships. There is no way to appreciate a friendship when there is no way to sustain one anymore, it would be useless.

I thought about Mrs LKY and I felt that people often take things for granted until they lost them permanently. She has left a legacy behind but doing something for her and appreciating her would be too late.

Is there any relationship or friendship that I have been taking for granted? I wondered. Never wait till it is too late to appreciate and thank them because it would be useless to talk to the grave.

"Love is a sacrifice."
OOooo.. My friend shared that she is preparing to register her marriage next year and I would be involved as one of her bridesmaid! So excited for her!

Hahahaha!! Well, there are many things to plan, brainstorm and think about for her.

*EXCITED*

Then I wondered, when would it be mine turn? *smile*
I met up with my friends yesterday and we caught up with one another.

I just feel like why do I feel so stressed to keep up with that friendship with another person? Why do I feel that there is a strain between us?

My friend shared what he thought was the issue which caused the change. He said sometimes when I was negative about something like my job, they were nice enough to come to me and give some sound advice yet I refuse to listen. But when the table was turned around, I give the same advice which I refuse to listen to them. Somehow I admit that I can be rather stubborn especially when I don’t see your point or there is another perspective in my mind.

But the next thing I thought to myself is when did I share about negative things especially about my work? My friend stammered as he realized that I actually didn’t really share much but talked about it through my blog.

Burrrrr…

It was quite obvious that what he shared was his issue with me, his impression about me but not what was in between me and her. But if it is really the case, I would wonder how sincere are they to know how I was doing when I kept asking them out yet they kept rejecting it and went to read my blog to know my progress instead.

I wondered. I knew it didn’t used to be like that.

I explained and said that my blog is used to contain my thoughts and there are many negative thoughts there because usually I will not share with anyone else and writing a post about it was my way of releasing the anger or negativity. But I would appreciate that they show concern by talking to me about it like “Hey I saw your blog post about this and that. What is going on?” rather than to trust the posts on the blog only.

As I got home, I wondered why does it feel so important to know what was going on? I guess it is about getting the approval from the people around me but I think it would be difficult to get that from her since she disapproves of my decision. Then I asked myself why it is so stressful and difficult to keep that friendship? Why is it so demanding to get that approval?

Well, I think I had to put down this heavy backpack and move on as I see the different reactions of people that I meet. It is time to let go and look for others who could run along because there will never be a 100% of people who agrees with what you are doing. However, there are many who believes what you are doing, who believes what you have visualized, who believes who you have always believed.
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I am colour blind. I am tall. I hate things that pops out suddenly, bursting of balloons and PAIN. I can be shy sometimes.

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