Life is like a TV show

I asked myself how am I going to connect with people when I feel I dont know much like a frog in a well?!

And the Holy Spirit reminded me about king David.

When Samuel through God's instructions chose David to be the next king, David only knew how to be a shepherd, loves God a lot and nothing else. As he go on and eventually became a king, he was exposed to the system, culture and things of the world, he had to learn and apply quickly.

How did he do that? Wasnt it God? His grace is sufficient.

He related king David to me. A year plus ago, I only knew how to be a cell group leader leading youths to God and loves God a lot. Now, I changed my primary ministry like king David, to the marketplace. What God did for king David, God is able to do it for me for His glory.

So its ok to be like king David, its ok to be yourself.

I picked up the guitar and started plucking a tune.

The Holy Spirit came and kept me company on my right side. With His company, I sat there weeping while plucking my guitar. I just had to get it all out. And He wept along.

I saw a vision of a familiar place - I was sitting on a patch of grassland looking at the sun, sky and the beautiful grassland. It was peaceful, a place of rest. I felt a familiar presence. O how much I miss You, Abba Father! I remembered about the joy I had last time. I saw a vision of the little girl dancing before the Father. This time, I broke down in tears. I miss that joy that I used to have when I meet my Father in Heaven. I miss my Father who is my hiding place. I sat there plucking the guitar, not saying a word, crying as I saw the vision.

And I saw Jesus praying for me. He sees every situation I was in, the mind, the Spirit and realities of the world. He is praying for me and looking out for me. There was an assurance that I was not alone, everything will turn out fine and I'm covered with Jesus's prayers.

I cried and cried, didn't know what to say or what to ask for.

And the Lord showed me -

He was accused falsely, judged and took the blame of what He did not do. The High Priest understands what I am feeling right now as I felt others have misunderstood me hence having a wrong perception or impression. The feeling of being misunderstood wasnt nice. But Jesus went through all these in a greater measure as compared to me so that I can be free from all these. Just as Jesus suffered to bring us salvation, we suffer to bring God glory.

During worship in service yesterday, the Holy Spirit reminded me that the only Person that we ought to please is God and no one else because we live for Him alone. So it doesn't matter what others can say about us or our situation, what matters is what He says about us and our situation. Period.

Another thing He addressed is my career. I have seen where I would be going, that dream has been written on my heart from that time. He showed me that every emotional obstacles that I'm going through now will make me stronger. I have to admit that my weakness is my identity and the feeling of inadequacy. I fall into this emotional trap that I'm not good enough, I'm not the best for this role, I'm insecured, I'm incapable, I dont have what it takes to do this etc easily. So He has to drill a strong identity of who I am, what I can actually do that I am much better than what I think I am and confidence in me. So I had to go through and overcome all these emotional barriers and cycle.

Last but not least, relationship. Trust and patience is tested here. 8 years ago, a promise was given. Will I still
believe that it will come to past?

Keep believing.

God is still writing my love story...

"Take time out from your busy schedule and just breathe with God." - Pastor Kong Hee

Breathe with God...

Its been almost a year and a half.

I wonder why it seems like a more difficult journey, a more depressed one since I changed my primary ministry.

Its such a long time ago that I felt so depressed during my primary school days and now I get depressed often and easily like yesterday that this morning I woke up and told myself that its time to go back into the House of God.

As much as my flesh is weak, I struggled to get out of bed and make my way to Suntec for service.

You reminded me about that time when I was depressed and You brought me out of it into a place of joy. You showed me a place where we can experience true joy, peace and freedom truly existed. Since then, I have always chose to be joyful only till recently. You reminded me that I need to come back to the very place where I got out of it, in the House of God, in the place of rest, in our secret place.

I went through negative thoughts any other time in the past and I'm thinking why was it easier to get out of it last time? I guess I had a strong circle of friends, friends who might not know how else to help but pray and support me by standing with me, trusting in me, walking with me. But since the disbanment, that circle was lost and I was standing alone just as it is for the rest.

Without the existence of a mentor like who I had when I was rising up as a leader, without friends like those I had when I was a leader, it was easier to sink in. And its these times when all the more I need to pray and get into the House of God.

I pray that You will bring the right people into my life.