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Life is like a TV show

Thursday, October 16

WOW. back to Him. @ 02:17

WOO.. just did quiet time.. FINALLY, after such a long time that i started praying and worshiping again. i knew that i have to do this because there is no other way except through God. coz like wad i have said, no one can satisfy you except the one true God who knows exactly the desires of your heart.

and i knew that if i carried on like this, i will short change the members and they will not be able to experience an open door because rise and fall lies in the leadership and anointing flows from the head down not the other way. and i knew that the CG is experiencing a lack of anointing and excitment because of my NDWness.

BUT finally, i am starting to keep the ball rolling now and i have FAITH that it will keep on rolling.

today, He brought me back to the time when i said that i want to be a leader.

it was a large meeting at the Kallang Indoor Stadium and Pastor Ulf Ekman was preaching. during the ministry, he called for all the main helpers and leaders to come down to the altar call to receive an anointing for their leadership. i also wanted so much for the anointing but i am not a main helper neither a leader. so i confessed deep in my heart saying "i want to be like them too. receiving the anointing that You are giving to them." and like wad i knew about it, definitely when much is given, much will be required.

i saw Denise from E243 who was under Adrian at that time and Roy from our CG which was W193 then walking down and somehow i knew that i wasn't God's plan A.

and He reminded me that actually i wasn't His plan A but it was suppose to be those people who went down. BUT because of my FAITH, it was given to me. and He reminded me about the same thing that He mentioned during service last last week.

Jesus did not come for the Gentiles but for the Jews. BUT the Gentile woman did not lose heart and said "Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." then Jesus answered and said to her, "O woman, great is your FAITH! Let it be to you as you desire."

today, i experience greater anointing, even more than wad i imagined and that time, when i just started out as a CGL, the CG has already experienced many signs and wonders with great power of God moving mightily during the CGM. people could see visions and dreams, sing in the Spirit, fall under the power, sense the great heat because of the fire of God, i prophesied and even healed the broken hearted. now i know, it was because of the same cry that i cried out to God which Elisha did too. and he too, received a double portion of the anointing.

TRULY, its not by might nor by power but by the SPIRIT.

then God showed me AGAIN the vision which was given to me when i was just 11 or 12 years old. the vision of a dove bringing the good news to the people. and reminded me about growing the CG (Expo + JW) to 50 by end of February 2009. i just knew that it can be done because i can see it and because God is not slacken on His promises BUT will have His promises all come to pass.

Tuesday, October 14

BAD. @ 12:42

its been such a long time since i updated this blog.

nothing much but there are many words spoken from Him. i just feel like i don't really want to move on. i find it difficult to even pray and do stuff. how?

i'm really somehow sick and tired of doing things. just want to cruise and play. but i knew that if i do so, i'm going to regret for life.

i know wad i should be doing, but i dun have the motivations. and i know that i'm short changing myself and the group for growth and anointing and th promises of God to be fulfilled. but i really find it difficult to start praying again.

back to how i felt that time, sian sian SIAN. i knew exactly why.

i dun feel fulfilled.

Saturday, October 4

E399 outing. @ 04:37


went out with E399 on Wednesday on 01.10.08 which is Children's Day cum Hari Raya Day. was super tired.


cheong Sales Strategy meeting on Monday which i reached home only at 3am plus. then cheong Strategic Marketing meeting on Tuesday till 6.30pm then cheong to church office by alighting at Raffles Place MRT then walked 30mins following the route from Raffles Place MRT to Esplanade to Suntec City taking part of the F1 track. then after dropping the offering with ChingSeng at 8.10pm then took a chartered bus to City Hall MRT then walked 10mins to Riverwalk and reached there at 8.30pm when we met GuanZheng and went into meeting together. Pastor was talking about the reasons why backsliders, not doing well and non-committed leave church and the cell group. because of NS, commitment, cannot cope, unhappy with CGLs, exams etc. then Pastor said why not we focus on the backsliders?


then pastor also mentioned about the CGM having different things to do, he asked if it is effective. and i said, its totally effective coz of the flexibility that is given and members can expect different things. then Pastor commented "then who to make sure that it is a good one?" and i said leaders lor. then Pastor had a "ya lor, thats the problem, leaders" feeling coz i think the leaders are not taking the initiative to make sure it is good, our leaders are not reliable.


then at the end of the meeting, Ian told Pastor that i had 2 songs and Pastor asked me to send him the songs so that he can send to KC to change certain things to make it more professional. then some people in that meeting came to ask me if i really wrote the songs and i sang it myself. HAHA. FAINT. literally take word for word from Pastor. then we were suppose to go fellowship with Ian at TCC Clark Quey but he met the CGLs so late that he cancelled it. then Alarize came to find me to pass me the Tau Sar Piahs from Penang. i slept at 2am plus.


then i woke up at 7am to complete my Sales Strategy part that is the role-play evaluations for DanYing and Gerald and the team availability. i did it till 11am plus. then i went to meet Alarize at 12.10pm. Super tired. but it was a relaxing day. we just sat there and relax and breeze blowing at us. HAHA. its really shiok and it has been a super long time since i really experience it. well, it can be shown in the photos. HAHA. but only MIC ED YW Alarize Alyscia Lionel Kitty and Me were present. BRA IVAN were studying some where and HEN was meeting his friends.

Monday, September 29

Some juicy news! @ 00:45

wooo!!! it all started yesterday.

i was talking to QX at the Expo control station and i missed lots of trains! but i just felt a need to catch up with her. then he walked past. he asked me whether i'm still at the train station but by that time i called ZW to pick me up coz we are totally CRAPPILY LATE!!!! poor DY!!!! so sorry la..

but i skipped his question and asked him if he is still at Expo MRT and whether i can borrow his Safra card. then he said he was at Tanah Merah so i said its ok. i'll find a way. knowing that i was watching a movie "Painted Skin", he assume that i was going on a date and he said the guy that is meeting you dun have Safra card meh? i pretend not to know that he is jealous and that he is assuming that i was on a date coz i no need to explain things. i never replied him for that sms.

so i called YW to ask where was he and THANK GOD he was still at the bus stop so i borrowed from him. along the way to meet him, i was still talking to QX since her JIE MEIs is not ready to go cheong! and he sent another sms to ask if i want to drop by his house coz he is going home to get the car and he can drop me at the meeting place and pass me his Safra card.

BUT YW is lending me his Safra card, ZW is coming to give me a ride and his house is so OUT OF THE WAY. so i told him "its ok. nvm. my friend will be giving me a ride" *obviously my friend is a guy*

then at 1.25am, he sent me an SMS:

"Hey Joanne, I'd want to tell over the phone. But i guess you're still in the movies. Well i've been thinking about it. So wat i want to say is about the 3months thing, lets just forget about it. I thnk its better for us both. I feel so terrible trying to act normal, having to think whether i will be crossing the line. I prefer how we were before, as one of my inner circle of friends whom i can relate to, you're the 3rd person i feel that i can just be open about what i say. And this way we can enjoy our friendship more. Best friends? :)"

i deciphered everything as "lets just forget about trying to be more than friends."

today i met up with PY and LW at 10pm and we went to Starbucks to drink Java Chip Frup, LW's mocha latte, a low fat mango cake and a choc muffin. we talked about him and i realise that i have been mis-interpretating what he was telling me all this while.

the 3 months thing is for him to chase me and to get to know me more vice versa so that at the end of 3 months i can give him an answer whether i can accept him (the height difference). then PY scolded him because he gave me a time frame to make a decision and couldn't wait for the answer coz he kept pushing. so PY asked him to take his time and let nature take its course.

BUT what i understood about the 3 months thing is simple: he needs time to recover from all the things that has happened as suggested by JO and after 3 months we'll see how. meanwhile within this 3 months, its for me to know whether is it a crush or love.

MAN.. so all this while i have been taking things in a different way from him.

then for last night's SMS, it was for him to say that after the 3 months thing, the supposed answer that i must give him is called off. and everything is back to when he wanted to know me gradually.

then LW mentioned that people figured out that it was me even though he didnt tell them who but just mentioned that he has someone in mind. and he is not admitting that he told a lot of people when its so obvious that people are not stupid and can figure things out.


after this whole thing, like what he has admitted, PY said that he is too emotional that it affected him. to me, he just dunno what he wants. say 3months is him. say dun wan 3 months is him. he say it and thats it. he also assume things that i agree with his arrangement since he has told me but yet to take the initiative to ask how i feel about it. indecisiveness really cause me to leak trust towards him that he can be my pillar of support.

things are simple, why make it so complicated eh? also, like what i have mentioned i'm a person who will not step into a relationship until i'm sure about it myself. so if he is going to take things so fast, i will never step into it because i'm not sure myself. i'm not sure whether is it a crush or love?? after so long, feelings died down and i know that i cant accept the height issue so i'm really certain that its not love.

PY asked him, do you know wad is like and wad is love? whats the difference? what made Joanne so different from other gals?

and he said "feelings lor"

my goodnesss!!! feelings can die down and if rush things so fast, how do you know that the feelings will not die down after 1 year 2 years 3 years??? besides, he can also say this for Jocelyn. and not even 3 months, he changed target.

right now, i'm very certain. its crush and not love. and its over. i'm just going to treat him as friends and not more.

actually i'm not really upset or angry about it because somehow i have sort things out and i have made a decision that to me, its clear that its only a crush and i wont take things further. i'm just rather frustrated that he dunno what he wants and kept giving me intentions that i interpreted wrongly coz of the way he phrased things. i rather he be more direct.

then PY also said that he harboured hopes for me to accept the height issue, thats why kept wanting to push for an answer. HAHA. MAN.. i didnt even felt he was pushing for an answer. seriously, if he will to ask me anytime i can give him an answer.

the most funny thing is that PY and LW at different time through different medium said the same thing!! that any guy that qualifies better - handsome TALL has a career, can easily get a standing above and higher than him. HAHA. *he stunned* HAHA.. thats very true actually.

i'm just going to clear things up with him as soon as possible. dun like the wrong intention and view kind of thing. AIYO.

before i alighted the bus, i told PY saying "since he can be so much more emotional than me because i'm more rational. i gotta clear the mess because when he screwed things up, he can become emotional. i hate doing it because guys are suppose to be the pillar. and the fact that so many people know because it leaked out, he didnt even bother to face it and clear it and i had to clear it myself."

thanks to him and his insecurity because that day i told him that i cannot accept the height issue, he tried to win me over immediately by finding me in school all the time for 2 days. even my uni friends knew or guessed his intention. and stupid ger, a very cannot understand, irritating person have to kay po and ask "eh! that guy that always find you is chasing you ah".. HAI.. thats why i say, you dunno wad you want!! you cant stick to the things that you say you will do because of your impatience.. IRRITATING..

BUT AGAIN. i'm ok! HAHA..

Friday, September 26

Proud to be. @ 17:45









20.09.08 (Saturday)

HAHA. really really proud of my CG. when i said something, they will go and make it happen. hopefully its an attitude that they create in them. HAHA. we had a phototaking before Yaowena and Lionel went for their posting.

we prayed for Yaowen and Lionel and celebrated Bra's birthday. then we took lots of photo. HAHA. CG photo!
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I am colour blind. I am tall. I hate things that pops out suddenly, bursting of balloons and PAIN. I can be shy sometimes.

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