Life is like a TV show

Thursday, June 25

MALAYSIA trip 2. @ 15:56

I went Malaysia AGAIN on Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (24 June 2009)

This time, I'm going with my parents and brother early in the morning!! I woke up at 7.40am and realise that it seems like a rainy day with dark clouds and it can be a nice weather to sleep in too! But I went to pray at 8am till 8.30am because the toilet was occupied and I wanted to start the day with a prayer.

By 9.30am, we were out of the house and going to take bus 130 or 139 to Queen Street to take Causeway Bus 2.

We reached JB at around 11am plus and we headed straight to our favourite Ba Ku Teh shop at Taman Seri. *I think that's the place ah* After a sumptous meal of Ba Ku Teh, we headed to Holiday Inn Shopping Centre. It is a place where all my childhood memory was there. I remembered buying water chestnut, jackfruit and packets of sotong because we were catching a movie there at only Rm6!! It is also the place where I normally buy my Herbal Tea egg! But the place was not maintained and it has lost the interest of the crowd and many shops has closed down.

We went back to City Square and headed to Secret Recipe to order 4 original Cornish, 4 spicy Cornish, 4 Orea Cheesecake, 8 Baked Cheesecake, 2 Espresso Cheesecake, 2 Blueberry Cheesecake, 2 Banana Chocolate Cake, 2 Indulgence Chocolate Cake which amounted almost to Rm190!!! WHOOOOoooosh...

After that, we went to the cinema ticketing box to view the movies and available time schedule at Level 6 and found out that Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen is also released on the same day as Singapore!!!!! Immediately, Dad went to queue and we all decided that show at 3.25pm because 2pm slot was sold out and 2.45pm was filling fast! It cost Rm11 per ticket because it is a blockbuster movie BUT it is still cheaper than SINGAPORE!!!! Yippie!! No tickets of the movie shown because DAD threw it away after the movie.. T_T""

By the time we got the tickets, it was almost 2pm. So we split up into 2 groups because my brother's interest was different from me. MOM and I only had 90cents in our pocket for toilet break. So anything that caught our eye, can only be bought when we meet up again. At Mango, we saw 2 cardigens, 1 beige and 1 lilac color which is priced at Rm79 each.

At 3pm, we met up at Starbucks Coffee and I saw DAD taking 2 bags of tidbits. OOOooowa.. We are literally getting ready for the blockbuster movie!! We went to get bubble tea and get cheated because the pearls cost an extra 60cents amounting to Rm2.40!! Oh man.. BUT still cheaper than Singapore ah.

After the movie, I went to get my make up eye shadow from Watsons and was still wondering if I should get the cardigens from Mango. But I didn't get it in the end!

We headed to Taman Sentosa to grab all the long long lost seafood cuisine because I had my surgery!

We ordered 1 plate of Butter Crayfish, 1 plate of Spicy Crayfish, 2 plates of Stingray and 1 plate of Ti Guan veggie! All these just cost Rm120!! Then DAD spent another Rm12.50 for 4 cups of sugar cane and 1 coconut for myself!

We headed back to City Square to collect our most expensive thing of the day! Secret Recipe?!!! Then we proceed to go home at almost 9pm! Tiring day. But it was really a great outing before DAD start school!! HURRAY!!!!!

I WENT MALAYSIA ON SUNDAY!!!! (21 June 2009)

In the afternoon on Saturday, DY was going through some thoughts which I considered common because most of us have thought about it! So I encouraged her and told her that it is really a matter on how you view the situation and what goes on in your mind. People treat you the way you treat yourself because you tend to react the way you think. Words that goes through your mind and you allow to affect you actually frames your world.

But I was focusing on the "Saturday Night Fever" at that time, as I was hosting games with Daniel Ang so I didn't reply her last msg.

After the fellowship with my members at Plaza Singapura, I went to meet up with LW and ShuJun for another round of fellowship. Then I recalled about DY and wondered how was she doing. I figured out that sometimes it is good to take a break and get out of the business of our life and relax. So I asked if she was free on Sunday to go out with me.

We both suggested cycling at ECP, chill out at Dempsey Road, movie, sing K etc. But DY is not going to have her car and travelling will be an issue. So I asked LW for any suggestion. At 3am, she suggested to go JB and hang out, and we all agreed immediately! *something different*

I met up with DY at 2.30pm after Father's Day lunch at Jack's place with her parents. We went to grab a bite from Mr Bean because I haven't eaten since morning. I was rushing Dad's card before leaving the house that day. LW reached at 3.10pm because she couldn't find her passport! *HAHA*

*Joanne Tan asserts the moral right to be identified as the creator of this work*

We went straight to City Square and headed straight to Mango because there is SALE!! I tried the jeans that I've always wanted to find, DY tried the black tube dress which is always her fav and LW tried a tube and a pair of jeans. But only I loved what I found and bought the jeans at Rm129 in the end!

We went to shop around, looking for shoes etc and decided to go Neway Karaoke and booked a slot at 7pm because buffet starts at that time!!!! WEeeee.. BUT it is only 5pm plus at that time and LW and I was starving!!! So we decided to go Mr Baoz to try their interesting and unique flavour! We tried their combo which cost Rm4.95. I tried some squid bun and curry beef bun!! WHooossh.. *Squeak if you're reading this, please don't be upset!* WUAHAHAHHAHA..

We went Neway Karaoke and went crazy till almost 11.30pm and paid around Rm53 only!!! We rushed back to catch the second last 170 bus at 12.15pm from the Malaysia Checkpoint and there was a traffic jam!!! But we managed to reach home safely. DY alighted at Anak Bukit (MOM fetching her from there). I alighted at Little India, Tecka Mall and took a cab. LW alighted at the bus interchange at Queen Street and her DAD will fetch her home from there!

Monday, June 22

The LOVE of God. @ 16:43

HAVE YOU EVER experience anybody saying the 3 words "I LOVE YOU" and you know and YOU KNOW that this person really meant it and said it sincerely?

Well, I have experienced such measure of love just through these 3 words that the person said. BUT first let me start with how I was like in the past.

At the age of 11,
I cried out in my heart to find a true friend who will really love and accept me for who I am.

Back then, I struggled with a low self-esteem because people whom I thought were my friends in my primary school kept putting me down, using everything to destroy my self-image. I knew those words were not said out of love and it affected me.

One night,
my mother was reading the bible which stirred up my curiosity about the Person who was in the bible. She told me that this Person is Jesus and asked if I want to receive Him as my Lord and Saviour and make Him my best friend. I did not know how it will happen but I agreed to receive Him because I needed a friend. *No harm trying anyway*

I was baptised together with my parents in St Andrew Cathedral in August 1997 followed by my two brothers who was saved later. Things did not change like how it did in any fantasy stories. I backslide from God when I was in Secondary 1 because my family left the church that we were attending for some reasons.

Things got worse when I had friends who seems reliable, trustworthy and cool as they appeared to be so well-accepted by boys and got into relationships one after another. They also tried smoking, ran away from home and even got into homosexual relationships. Furthermore, I set an expectation on myself to score well in school, knowing that not performing well academically will reflect badly on my father who was also a teacher in my secondary school.

I shared the stress and friendship problems I faced in school with my mother but I felt that she never seem to actively listen to me as she was doing the housework and she called me a ‘complain queen’. I tried sharing with my dad and ended up being lectured like a student. I felt that my parents did not understand what I faced in school. Things happened as I grew up but I chose to keep all my feelings and thoughts to myself as I had trusted no one at that time. Even when I was angry or sad, I suppressed these feelings in me thinking that it would be better off than to share with someone else. Unknowingly, I sank into the initial stage of depression when I was studying for my year end exams in secondary 2.

Deep in me, I was still seeking for that 1 friend who will understand and always be there as I fought hard to suppress the feelings and the loneliness in my heart.

Things took a turn in secondary 3,
my brother invited me to City Harvest Church to join him for service. Missing the days when I had God in my life, I agreed to go. I rededicated my life back to Him and decided to stay in this church. In this church, I learned that we can talk to God and hear from Him through prayer. I never knew we can really treat Him like a true friend because I thought that He is a divine being so He cannot relate to us.

Then I read this verse in Hebrew 13:5 “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” And I knew with God I never have to feel lonely because He will always be there and when I shared my feelings and thoughts He is listening.

This was the beginning of knowing and experiencing the true love and acceptance despite of my flaws and weaknesses.

Things really turned to be a bad experience for my life when I had a 1 to 1 encounter with a great measure of shame and lousiness.

I retained in Junior College year 1 in 2004.
During the first 3 months, every junior knew that I was a retain student because they were wearing their secondary school uniform while I was wearing the College uniform. I did not know that all retain students must sit at the first row of the lecture hall for mathematics lecture because I only joined the year ones a few weeks after the term started. The lecturer pointed me out in front of 500 over students and demanded me to move forward. With many pairs of eyes staring at me, I made my way down alone in embarrassment and humiliation. I wished that someone have walked down with me at that moment.

On the way to my cell group meeting that day,
the scene of walking down to the front of the lecture hall was still playing in my mind. During worship, God encouraged and assured me by showing me a vision of that scene during math lecture, this time, He was walking down together with me holding onto my hand tightly. As I saw the vision, He spoke these words in a soft whisper: “I was there when you were walking down.”

Tears could not stop flowing and I know that He loved me and accepted me for the way I am. He loved me even before I was born when He sent Jesus to die on the cross so that we could reconcile with Him.

The 3 words which was spoken by God can never be measured to people, even our parents, siblings, partners or friends BECAUSE when GOD said "I LOVE YOU", you know that it was said out of a sincere and unconditional love and nothing could make Him love you lesser. From that encounter with God, I knew that I was NEVER ALONE because He will always be there.

Tuesday, June 9

Mon (1st day) MORN PM. @ 15:46

ON 8 JUNE 2009,
Pastor Zhuang led today's morning prayer meeting.

Today Michael reached at 6.30am, I reached at 6.35am, Alvin reached at 6.40am, Kitty reached at 7.05am. HAHA..

I was reading Luke 4 when I remembered about what Pastor Tan preached last Friday about identifying ourselves to Jesus and get the resurrection life. Something that really touched me last week was the fact that Jesus went to all the extreme so that he can cover all the areas that mankind can go through so that we could identify ourselves with Him. There is nothing that Jesus did not go through. Abandonment to disappointment to betrayal to physical pain and suffering to temptations and many more!

Luke 4 was about Jesus dwelling in the wilderness for 40 days and was tempted.

1st temptation:
The devil said to Him "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone."

Sometimes I was also tempted not to read the Word and think that the Word is not so important. BUT the Word brings life, direction and faith when we read it. Also, our vision/calling also arise from the Word and not only through visions and dreams. Because our calling/vision will always be based on the Word and it must be something that can be written down.

2nd temptation:
And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours."
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.' "

I must admit that there are many times I am tempted to give up the calling and stop making sacrifices because no one appreciates them (a prophet is without honor in his own country). And I was in a position that Psalmist David faced in Psalms 73 too.

Psalms 73.
"A Psalm of Asaph. Truly God is good to Israel, To such as are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; My steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the boastful, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
For there are no pangs in their death, But their strength is firm.
They are not in trouble as other men, Nor are they plagued like other men.
Therefore pride serves as their necklace; Violence covers them like a garment.
Their eyes bulge with abundance; They have more than heart could wish.
They scoff and speak wickedly concerning oppression; They speak loftily.
They set their mouth against the heavens, And their tongue walks through the earth.
Therefore his people return here, And waters of a full cup are drained by them.
And they say, "How does God know? And is there knowledge in the Most High?"
Behold, these are the ungodly, Who are always at ease; They increase in riches.
Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain, And washed my hands in innocence.
For all day long I have been plagued, And chastened every morning.
If I had said, "I will speak thus," Behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children.
When I thought how to understand this, It was too painful for me--
Until I went into the sanctuary of God; Then I understood their end.
Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction.
Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment! They are utterly consumed with terrors.
As a dream when one awakes, So, Lord, when You awake, You shall despise their image.
Thus my heart was grieved, And I was vexed in my mind.
I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all Your works."

3rd temptation:
The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.' "
Jesus answered, "It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test."

The devil tried all ways to tempt Jesus but failed to because Jesus stood on His conviction and stood strong. As a result, Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, and news of Him went out through all the surrounding region. And He taught in their synagogues, being glorified by all.

God never waste anything that you went through even the pain and sacrifices you made. After every valley is the peak of the mountain top. There will always be rainbow & sunshine after every rain. After every winter is spring which signifies a new beginning and a start of fruitfulness!

KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

I met up with Alvin at 6.45am and reached HOG at 6.50am when Pastor Tan had already started worship.

I slept at almost 4am and woke up at 5.30am! Honestly, I was very tired today but I pushed myself out of bed and told myself that I must be a good example and I knew that I had many things to address during this whole morning prayer meeting. I was even more tempted to give prayer meeting a miss when Michael smsed me that he will not be going because he had a headache. But I told myself that I must surrender certain things after recommitting to my calling again last Friday.

My eye lids were heavy and ready to close anytime but I kept telling myself "No, I must wake up and it is time to do some serious stuff." When Alvin and I reached HOG, we worshiped God and spoke in tongues until the Heavens descended into the place and the doors are open. This time, when I prayed, I was clearer to the voice of God and more aware of His presence.

The first thing I prayed for is taken from Psalms 32. I gave Ivan bible study that Saturday when the Holy Spirit reminded me about this verse. "Do not be like the wild horses or mule which must be girded by the bit and bridle" Very often we pray things we feel like praying, things that are important to us, things that we want God to move in and more. But like what it is written, "You do not have because you asked amiss, ask anything in the will of God and He will give it to you"

At 7.30am, Pastor Tan gathered our attention and shared a word from what I was impressed upon on Sunday during my quiet time.

Habakkuk 2:2-3
"Write the vision And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come, It will not tarry."

Many times, the vision that is given to us are given in advance and it will not happen immediately because it requires us to keep on holding on to it and keep pressing into God for that vision to come to pass. Basically, it is a character molding time when patience, persistency and perseverance are developed.

Another reason is that God wants us to put Him in the center of our lives NOT us. Prayer is not about saying a request of the things to want or need list instead it is about coming before Him and allowing Him to direct us to where He wants us to go succumbing to His will and no longer ours. As a result, it crucifies our flesh and allow the Spirit to manifest greatly in our lives. It is about submission and humility and being kingdom minded, getting to be more and more like Jesus (Christ likeness).

Another reason for prayer is serve our members, friends, church through praying for them. It also creates an initmacy between the entities and praying for another person causes us to be more concerned and want to do something for them. It is no longer about being a self-centered or selfish christian but it is about serving others and putting others first before us. Many times, CGLs struggle to meet the needs of members who requires a lot of effort and sacrifices and capacity to withstand the unacceptable behaviour but all the more we need to pray for them so that we will know what they going through and hence becoming discerning and sharp in our words.

After the ending prayer, the word "discernment" was heavy in my heart and I knew that I needed that gift once again. So I spent another few minutes before I start to talk and fellowship with Alvin.

Thank God for the words that He has put in my mouth, Alvin shared some things that he might not find easy to share to others if not for the Holy Spirit. Getting to know him more.

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Life is like a TV show

Thursday, June 25

MALAYSIA trip 2. @ 15:56

Monday, June 22

The LOVE of God. @ 16:43

Tuesday, June 9

Mon (1st day) MORN PM. @ 15:46

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