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Life is like a TV show

Saturday, July 31

Releasing. @ 15:44

I'm sitting at East Coast Park feeling the sea breeze at Bedok Jetty.

Many thought came into mind as I settled down at the bench.

Thoughts about my current situation, my career, my future, my commitment with the church / God.

Yesterday, I waited 45mins at the GWC bus stop for a bus 16, still it didnt come. So looking at the situation, I dropped an SMS to Yongjie to tell him that I'll be skipping FOP because I'm also rather tired.

Tired from all the events that happened during the day, during the week, it drained much of my motivation & emotional strength to keep keeping on. Everything accumulated as i got frustrated with myself & my situation and on Friday I finally felt the strain, the burden, the weight from the cares of this world.

My Uni friends asked me along for a drinking session at Dempsey Hill, Red Dot at the late hours of Friday. We sat, drank, joked, shared and probe into one another's life. Thank God for people He placed with me.

There're down times and up times in this group and the gathering of people are the outcomes of all the positive & negative outpouring of time spent together. Appreciate this irritating farm of dudes & babes which made them special.

Yestersday as I travelled home from GWC, I just felt like bursting out in a loud cry but I restrained and teared instead. Slept in the bus after that and felt so much so much better.

Give me the courage to face my future, face each mountains, face each events, face each person.

As I faced the beach, felt the cooling breeze, saw the sunshine & the clear blue sky, experience the joy & laughter of different people - family, kids, youth, grannys, I felt peace and had this assurance that everything will be alright. Everything will be. Alright.

Friday, July 30

Gloomy day. @ 17:56

The day started with a very gloomy and dark sky in the morning today. It went on to pour cats and dogs when I stepped out of the house and I was drenched in the rain.

I knew it would pour heavily yet I refused to take the umbrella. I love the raindrops that fell from the sky. Miss those days when I was training with a group of young people; be it sunshine or heavy downpour, we had everybody together.

I was travelling on the bus to office and I started praying. There was something inside of me that flowed with the gloomy morning yet I suppressed it by praying for the joy of the Lord.

But inside of me still felt like hope is leaking. Hope for a better future.

During the day, certain things happened which stumbled my morale further.

He simply just vet through all my personal windows which includes my MSN chat windows and Facebook to busybody about my life.

Honestly, I felt like there is no personal space there. But another side of me, I’m simply frustrated because he is really too much as he deliberately tried to overstep into our personal space.

Morale was down to the bottom and I just felt like crying to release the emotions inside of me.

Maybe these emotions were accumulated along the journey when I’m frustrated with my current situation yet I did not release it. I’m not exactly sure what could have led to these but I believe He knows me better than I.

Totally not looking forward to FOP, but I guess I still have to commit myself to certain things.

Oh well, JO have hope!

How I hope there is…..
我及时变别人的跑腿呢?

But anyway, as I have told my friend, I am the most free person in the Department hence the best candidate to do these stuff.

Call me bias, but really, I’m more willing to support 2 other woman than the man above me. I think because I feel that I could trust their foresight and judgements more than the guy. At least I know and trust that they know what they are doing more than that guy.

And will you allow me to cry out loud in this blog and not judge me hur?

I just want to say “For goodness sake, I HATE TO BE CARRY AN ASSUMPTION THAT I’M YOUR DAMN PA!!! So stop asking me to do a damn PA’s job!” Will you spare a thought for me? It is precisely that I never wanted to be a PA that’s why I clarified about this long ago and now you conveniently throw stuff at me just because I’m situated outside your door?

Very un-motivated whenever such happens and the worst thing is I’m trying to avoid it. Willingness vs Unwillingness. Of course, I’m unwilling. Don’t you understand? Should I spell it out for you to understand? And can’t you observe a change in countenance and vibes in the environment?

Oh well, I’m tolerating all these rubbish and constantly trying to look in the positive point of view by putting myself into your shoes. But please don’t overdo it, I don’t know how long more that I can stand this protest.

I know that I got to take joy in the small beginnings because this is when the journey of a greater thing will start. So God, I need your grace and mercy to go through this.

“Let the joy of the LORD be my strength.”

Thursday, July 29

Love. @ 11:04

Good morning world!

I love everything about You and I.

Looking forward.

Wednesday, July 28

Creative power by Dr AR Bernard @ 10:14

Just want to pen down what Dr AR Bernard during service on 3rd July.

God gave us the gift to exercise the power of our will, given us the freedom to choose. So through the decisions and choices, that's when we make create our own future. Therefore, we can alter via our choices to impact our future.

Allow God to teach us how to make better choices for our spiritual growth and development and that requires knowledge, understanding or translated wisdom.

Wisdom is the matter of the heart not the mind hence greatly influenced greatly by our identity, purpose & value system. God has given us the power to choose and told us what to choose; therefore with the freedom given, we also need guidance otherwise it will lead to destruction

Power of our choices can help us to stop what we haven't finish.

All growth is a process; it's the ultimate end (outcome) that sets the expectation for the future therefore we are more committed to what we want to accomplish than the process. When the process is revealed, people look at what it takes to bring them there and they will have second thoughts about running that very race. It's the commitment to the process that will bring us to the ultimate end. If you're not willing to be committed to the process by fixing your eyes on the other side (on the joy that was set before us), if you're not willing to go through the pain and sacrifice, you can forget about the goal.

3 elements of growth
1. Relationship
Relationship with God and people
2. Truth
Allow yourself to speak the truth, work of the Holy Spirit to convict us on the truth about things
3. Time
Occurring in a period of time

Growth in essence is a mystery. Growth is the maximum level of productivity that puts no limits to it!

Dominion (positive) vs dominate (negative)

You cannot change the mind of ppl unless you first change the heart. So in every stage you gain, relationship, knowledge, understanding, authority and deepening of our character.

"He is the vine, we are the branches", fruits are not grown on the vine but on the branches. As much as we need God for life, He needs us for fruits in our character which influences our choices which either foster or undermine our growth.

Principle of restrain - tongue : words have power and creative power.

The excellent success of 1 level is only mediocre success to the next level!
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