Life is like a TV show

Tuesday, August 31

Relational renewal @ 11:00

I met up with one of my church friend yesterday because my company would be engaging her freelance service to do up a portal. Hence was arranging a meet-up session with the business users for discussion.

After which, she waited for me to pack up to leave the office together. As we walked towards the bus stop through the Great World City shopping centre, I just felt really prompted to ask her for coffee. At the back of my mind, there was this great push to talk to her about my current position.

I realized that instead of taking a break, she actually also chose to step down. She made me feel human again. She made me feel like its alright to feel so. She made me feel assured again that I didn’t make the wrong decision to follow after Him. She made me feel like I’m not alone.

Though we were not so close in the past, we chatted and shared like we were long time friends.

I’m amazed by the provision that He has given at the right time to confirm and reaffirm me when I was willing to admit and humble myself with regards to certain matter.

Indeed those who highly exalt themselves will be put down while those who are humble will be highly exalted by Him.

Meeting up with this friend caused me to think about 2 matters.

One is the fact that we need to have like-minded friends who can support and encourage the vision in your hearts and these people are often the ones who has walked the walk. Like-minded people understand not fully a hundred percent but the bigger picture of what you are heading towards; they understand the principles of which you base on.

In this case, people who have tweaked the system through their mindset would understand what I meant for my decision. It is no longer the same way of doing things anymore, but there is a need to renew our mind to embrace change to be more relevant to the environment around us.

Another is the fact that I realize that I would need to reevaluate the people whom I considered friends; people whom I allow to know about the deep things in my heart. Aside from thoughts and feelings, our vision is also another matter which we don’t blatantly tell the whole world.

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” – Matthew 7:6

Dr AR Bernard said about relational renewal that we may need to reexamine those people that we allow to occupy our intimate boundary and these people should help me to move to the next stage. Of which comes the purpose renewal, structural renewal and cultural renewal.

Monday, August 30

How I continue hoping @ 10:50

I was watching ‘The Leap Year’ yesterday on Okto and something kind of appealed to me in the show. “Wait and be patient” was said and given to the main character, Li Ann, when she went to a fortune teller to read about her marriage life.

These 2 words appealed to my heart, “wait” and “patient”.

When the Li Ann met Jeremy and told him that she was single when she was 24 years old, Jeremy responded to her singlehood and said “You must be a very brave person to stay single rather than getting attached for the sake of getting attached.”

Oh well, how I hope I could also view my life as if I’m reading a book or watching a show like what I do for all the romance stories. How I hope I could see what would become the conclusion of my love story. How I hope I could know who would be included in my love story. How I hope all these could be according to expectations and plan.

During cell group meeting last week, Ian shared an encouraging word about having value in us. He shared a word which brought an understanding to me. He said “The value that we have towards ourselves is reflected in our giving towards the Lord.”

I wondered why I restrained so many things when I stepped down and now I realize that it is because of the value that I view myself to have. Obviously, when I stepped down, without a responsibility, without a group of people looking up to me, without a need to stick with a certain boundary, I see my value decreasing unknowingly. With a decrease in that value, I found myself unable to help those around, unable to commit to those requirements of friendships around me.

He shared that when we fellowship with the Lord, we will begin to understand the actual value that He has placed in us. It is then that I understood what He meant by “But Me you forgot.” I remembered all my members and the circumstances before me in my mind but I forgot about Him.

Ian also shared another word during ministry and said “wait upon the Lord and don’t be anxious.”

Honestly, I was anxious to do something because I felt lost without any responsibility or without a place where I can sow but when he said that, it appealed to me especially “WAIT UPON THE LORD.”

Like what Dr AR Bernard said, we are bio-psycho- social -spirirtual beings. We grow wholistically. So I need to be stronger in every area of myself rather than just growing to be more spiritual.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” – James 1:2-8

Now I have the answer.

When others ask why I would want to make such a decision, I would reply and say “His peace which surpasses all understanding.”

“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; And it shall be to the Lord for a name, For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." – Isaiah 55:10-13

I just had to get it off my chest this time.

Finally, I met up with a group of listeners whom I’m comfortable and trusted to share with. Told them how I really truly felt and I think they were quite surprised that I would ever have such thoughts or feelings. I guess they thought that I was stronger than what I’m able to withhold.

I tear once or twice as I released all the thoughts and feelings that were kept safely, quietly and secretly in my heart that only God knows. They listened and tried to give me advices even though they don’t really understand, even though they are not really in the position to comprehend what exactly happened or why.

Appreciate all. I just needed to be heard.

Released and its time to get stronger. I thought and kept thinking, honestly many of these thoughts may not be true and many came from my own expectations on people’s response.

Today, I considered about people around me and their possible responses as I travelled to work. Whether or not the possible responses are really true, actually it didn’t really matter. I agreed to walk this walk for Him, not for others neither for myself.

“No longer I but Christ who lives in me.”

I got to learn how to be stronger mentally, emotionally and spiritually by walking with the Holy Spirit, living in the Holy Spirit and living by the Holy Spirit. Not by people’s approval, neither by other’s expression of pleasure and displeasure or by my own thoughts and feelings.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13

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Life is like a TV show

Tuesday, August 31

Relational renewal @ 11:00

Monday, August 30

How I continue hoping @ 10:50

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