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Life is like a TV show

Tuesday, November 30

Dream too big. @ 01:29

Like seriously, the feeling of inadequacy to do this whole thing is kicking in. It is worst when you see so many great designs in the market and you compared it with your own.

But 'all things will work together for good for those who love the Lord'. Trust Him that He has already empowered you to get wealth and be prosperous.

I need that badly Lord, because I know that I am nothing without You. And I know myself that I am never a master of anything except through your grace and favor that I am able to do all this.

"When I am weak, You are strong."

Help me follow You. Sometimes Your dream is so great and big that I start to doubt whether You have chosen the right person or whether I can even do that. Sometimes I feel like someone else can do a much better job than me because of the experiences and skills they have gained with that kind of background as I knew that I'm cutting the queue with no background and skills in that industry.

This is crazy. It is like the past 1 year and 2 months when I endured in an IT department with no IT background or interest in it to begin with. This time it is much bigger and greater than myself. It seems to be so difficult to come to past that I knew it is beyond myself already because it's too big for me to comprehend. Just thinking about it makes me shiver in fear. It seems so ridiculous that I am not sure myself except to trust Him.

Oh God, help me follow You. I really need everything from You. I have a limp and the only way to 'survive' is to keep on leaning on You.
Failed BTT today by 1 mark. Disappointed? OF COURSE.

As I stepped out of the room, I was scolding myself for not passing when I knew that it isn’t so difficult. What gone wrong? It’s the timing.

As I thought further, I start to be convinced that everything happened for a reason and this is probably 1 thing which God felt that it’s not time yet. Somehow I felt that He wanted me to focus my finances, time and efforts on the very thing that also has a season, and it is a season to sow into it. Basically, it is time to do that thing. As I thought more and more about it, I start to feel that He has a bigger plan, a plan far better than the one I set out for myself.

A soft whisper came saying “Seriously, don’t you think that you could just pass this BTT easily given your ability to study all this while? Yet, you failed and you think ‘how could it be possible when it is so easy?’ There is a reason. God can withhold or provide and He has His reason. He has a greater plan.”

Immediately, I knew what He was trying to say.

“"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9

There is a reason and a season; lean not on your own understanding.
Believe it or not.

The story which Pastor Kong shared last weekend about Joshua was already revealed to me much earlier this year when I was fighting a long-suffering battle with my then cell group. I wrote it down on my blog on June 18, 6.12pm. Some of you might recall now, what I have shared during one of the cell group meeting.
But what does this mean?

Was God trying to assure me that He has already know the future for me and that I have no need to worry whether things will work out because it will work out eventually?

I sat there as a congregation amazed and in awe as I found the same story preached on the stage as the revelation given to me many months back. First thought – Did Pastor read my blog or something? Why exactly the same? Shivers went down my spine as Pastor came to an end and closed the service with the same thing which I shared with my cell group then.

Tell me, teach me, lead me.

Thursday, November 25

Dreams.. @ 10:54

Just last night, I went to have a sumptuous meal sponsored by Mom and big Bro at Ban Leong Wah Hoe Seafood at Casuarina Road. We ate a 1.5kg GIGANTIC crab, large la la, a small plate of veggie and steamed/ fried man tou. DELICIOUS..

While we were going back home, I commented that Singaporeans are really too practical. There is always an opportunity cost to the things that we do. While we are being practical, we lose our vision and passion. Many dreams have been lost and potential wasted.

Mom replied me “To Singaporeans, you cannot pursue your dreams if you do not have the means (cash) to do it. So Singaporeans have to be practical to sustain our living here.”

So true. So Singaporean thinking.

Our traditional culture which was passed down by the many generations before me has molded us to have such a mindset as a survival instinct. While being practical, Singaporeans are afraid to pursue our dreams, our passion, our vision. So we pursue something that is safer and compromise our passion in life.

To me, I believe in doing what we love to do. I cannot drag myself to work everyday just for the sake of the paycheck, that’s for me. I know myself that I would not have the endurance or perseverance to do something I don’t enjoy doing.

Singapore do not have a stable market for the arts, entertainment or sports although these markets are drawing more attention today and are coming up in this small little country. And how can we compare ourselves to those countries/places which have a long history in these markets?

It’s a risk we have to take.

But I believe in the One who can make all things possible in His will.

Friday, November 19

Lord I really need You. @ 15:15

Give me a surprise.

Surprise me and I will sprint to the end with whatever strength and breath I have left to finish this race. I can’t afford to lose myself in the midst of surviving, I can’t afford to destroy what I have sowed so diligently in the beginning, I can’t afford to do as I wish and spoil the plan and I can’t afford to give up now.

Will You give me a surprise by answering that prayer? I will be so delighted and recharged with that prayer answered because it meant the time has come to answer that prayer; it is the season.

Sorry for whining and complaining that I can’t take it anymore even though You’ve said that You will never give us something which we cannot bear. This fiery furnace is burning, a test and trial to make me stronger yet I don’t like it. Who would? But I know that I could hide under Your wings and take refuge, I knew that I could go to the river and drink of the water and be refreshed, I knew that I could fall into Your outstretched arms and trust You will bring me through and I know that You have never left me, You held me hand tightly in Yours instead.

I really need strength. I needed to see You, Your hands, even though I have been trusting Your heart all this while.

Do not keep silent.

Prayer request: I want to know Mr CC.
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