Life is like a TV show

正个人怎么了呢？

全身觉得很不自在，一直辗转反侧睡不着，默默地一直哭。

是不是觉得很不甘愿还是有别的原因？

好烦啊！好讨厌这个感觉哦。咳。。。

Pastor preached about "ABBA, ABBA, ABBA!!!"

I had no idea why but its probably the goodness and unconditional love that ABBA have towards me that made me cry like a baby on Saturday.

No matter what had happened, He loved me and trust me the same. Even when I've changed, He stayed the same.

It was the day when I decided to acknowledge that God is good no matter what happened or what I see ahead of me or how many unanswered prayers are there. God is still good.

And He reminded me about the violin and violinist.

Amazing vision I see again and I remembered.

It doesnt matter how much I have in my hands but that I allow Him in. Many times I forget and thought I'm the violinist who needs to learn and know how to play the violin so that beautiful melody is formed. If it really happen this way, the burden is on me.

"My burden is light and My yolk is easy."


So I'm the violin instead and He's the violinist. Get it?

I teared when I listened to the lyrics of this song carefully; its the same felts I had from my previous post.

No gift is too small.


5 loaves and 2 fishes by Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom, even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
The kindness in His smile
And the boy cried out
With the trust of a child
He said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all"

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
No gift is too small

Human can be contradicting. Because theres always two sides of a coin in everything.

One moment we weigh the pros and cons, decide on our option, chosen that path an walk that way. But when hardship comes, we start to look back and consider the other option. Its not regretting what you've chosen but you just feel like its so difficult sometimes to walk the same path and you are considering alternatives where its easier.

I admit I am like this sometimes. Especially when self-doubt seeps in and I wonder if I can do it. As I 'see' or 'feel' that others can do better than me, I start to question about myself.

"我心里是想自己其实没怎么样. 真的."

I have to admit and accept that every human including myself have weaknesses and bad points.

But above all, I know God never makes a single mistake. Choosing me and directing me to walk this way will never be a mistake. I'll just keep failing and trying although its tough until I succeed.

What I learnt about writing arguementative essays for GP:
For every counter points, there will be counter counter points and a conclusion which supports the point you're putting across.

So my counter counter point for this is:
My God is always good. Although my faith on whats ahead can be tested, I'll always believe and know that my God is good. And I'll stand firm on this, not shaken.

The world can fail me but You will never ever fail me.

I have 2 major weaknesses.

1. I give up easily
2. I procrastinate

I try to be earlier but I'll usually procrastinate for almost another 5-10mins before I go to bathe.

Relunctance. But I need to change that.

Finding joy and simple pleasures in every situation and environment again.